


Find Your Way

by SilentOrange



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Mystery, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-08-07 06:43:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 58,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7704436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentOrange/pseuds/SilentOrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At age 20 Hijikata Toshiro is a classically trained cellist, studying hard at a prestigious conservatory.  One day he runs into an aimless slacker Sakata Gintoki, who happens to be a brilliant guitarist.  A chance meeting - what could it possibly change?  Then mayhem breaks out at his department, and Hijikata finds himself unwittingly pulled right into the middle of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello, new advisor

**Author's Note:**

> Upd 3/10/2017: Added chapter titles on a whim ^_^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is mostly written, I expect to be about 50k words, and I'll try to post chapters about every week. I hope you enjoy it, dear readers.

_June_

Hijikata stumbled and caught himself on the doorway of the bar. His body felt heavy and everything around looked a little blurry. But his ears still worked just fine. That was the reason he stopped in at this particular bar. As he stood there propping the door jamb, he swayed unconsciously to the rhythm. It wasn’t the kind of music he usually listened to, a fast paced rocking guitar song, with an occasional haunting tonal shift. It caught his ear as he was staggering past, on his way home from a different bar. In particular, the technical skill of whoever was playing combined with the melody, making it sound easy, as only a master could. And it took a skilled musician to tell just how complex the song actually was. Luckily Hijikata was a skilled musician, not that he considered guitar to be his strongest instrument. As he stood there, he couldn’t help following along and thinking of the hand positions and fingering that would be required to play each part. The song kept building and building and at the climax, he was impressed despite himself, as he thought he wouldn’t be able to sound as good, or come up with such an original yet catchy tune.

The music stopped and Hijikata walked in among the scattered clapping and cheering. In the depths of the dimly lit smoky room all he could see was a bright shock of someone’s hair. He glanced around and sat at the bar gesturing for a drink. He tiredly pushed his long bangs out of his face and pulled his ponytail away from his sweaty neck on this unseasonably warm early summer evening. Sometimes the thick long hair was such a bother, especially in summer heat. He felt a bit pathetic - only 20 and already trying to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Not that it was working terribly well, or maybe he hadn’t gotten it right on his first try at drinking alone. Whether it was too much or not enough alcohol, he wasn’t feeling any better.

He was used to being alone, but lately he was getting too tired to keep a good handle on himself. Sometimes that dark churning in the deep corners of his heart threatened to spill out, and he couldn’t allow that. It was better to stay away from people as he always did, just get his work done, no getting others involved. That never ended well.

As he lit a cigarette, another song started up. Complex guitar licks made his already drunken brain feel dizzy as he tried to follow. But at least he wasn’t thinking about his own troubles anymore. The song was captivating and left no room to worry about his advisor and his demands, about what it would take to pass this semester, what would happen beyond that.

He stayed at that bar longer than he ever intended, caught up in the magic of an unknown guitarist. How could he have not heard him play before? He couldn’t have missed someone this good, in this neighborhood he frequented no less. He didn’t want to speak with anyone in his condition, but he sat and listened, and felt more relaxed than he had in a very long time.

Soon enough the musician finished up, packed up his equipment and left, laughter and cheerful voices trailing in his wake. Hijikata sighed, paid his bill and shakily rose to go home. It was time to go back. Perhaps he would meet this brilliant guitarist again. What could that change, what could a chance meeting like this bring?

***

_April ~ a few months earlier_

The early morning breeze felt refreshing as Hijikata squinted against the bright spring sunshine. The weight of the cello case a familiar one against his back, he made his way to the studio for a session with his cello teacher. He walked up the stairs to the elegant red brick building that housed the studio rooms. 

As he walked into the room Hijikata politely greeted the cello instructor, an older woman with wavy brown hair and smile lines around her brown eyes. He froze when he noticed the tall figure next to her. The man wore a formal jacket and tie, his thinning gray hair slicked back, and a monocle resting on top of his long nose. Down which he was currently looking at Hijikata with an unreadable expression, somehow managing to look dissatisfied. 

“Professor Sasaki will be observing some of the sessions today, Hijikata-kun. Let’s proceed as normal.”

“Yeah, of course. Good morning,” he bowed politely, slowly setting down his instrument case.

“Go ahead and warm up, and then play that piece we’ve been working on for me.”

He opened up the case and took out and set up the cello, checking by ear to make sure it was in tune. As he sat down and settled himself in, he ran his hand self-consciously over his long hair, to throw it back over his shoulder and out of the way. He fiddled with the bow and played a few quick warm-up measures. 

As part of his program at conservatory, he had to work on studio performance, as well as take classes like music theory, composition, history. He enjoyed his studies well enough, and generally got along with the faculty in the Strings department that he was required to work with. Mostly he just enjoyed playing the cello, improving his performing skills, and letting the music carry him away from the everyday world. 

He played through the practice piece for his teacher, but as he played, Sasaki loomed and drummed his fingers impatiently. 

“Nicely done, Hijikata-kun, you’ve mastered that tricky passage since last time. Why don’t you --”

“I’ll take over from here, Abe-san, you may go,” interrupted Sasaki. Hijikata looked up at the condescending tone in his voice. 

The cello teacher nodded and left the room. Hijikata waited, unsure what was going on. Sasaki was a senior member of the faculty, angling for a leadership role within the school, according to rumors. So what was he doing in a random studio session with a second year student?

“Young people these days have little appreciation for the fine tradition of classical music. Only the truly elite still give it justice and value the world’s musical heritage. You may be wondering what we are doing here. I am told that you show some promise among the students in our department. If you impress me, I may take you on as a student and ensure your future as an elite musician. Although, at the moment I am skeptical to say the least. Certainly your current level of instruction leaves much to be desired.” He eyed Hijikata through his monocle.

“You are going to have to work quite hard for me to accept you as my student. Of course, none of the other faculty will be willing to take you on if I do not consider you worthy.

“Believe me, I am quite capable of making your life here at our illustrious institution very difficult indeed. Starting with the spring semester examinations, for example. As you know, there is a minimum academic achievement requirement in order to pass, as well as to continue to qualify for the scholarship money that is currently supporting your tuition fees.

“On the other hand, if you maintain adequate performance, cooperate to my satisfaction, and win the music competitions I select for you, I guarantee a bright future for my protege.”

Sasaki walked around Hijikata’s chair, and he could feel his gaze on him, and then see him staring intensely. Hijikata almost felt self-conscious in his usual outfit of hoodie sweatshirt over a light t-shirt and jeans. His eyes widened in confusion when Sasaki reached forward and took hold of Hijikata’s chin, lifting his face and running his thumb over his jawline.

“I will be taking over your studio instruction from now on. Come by my office later to pick up the music to master for next time.” He smirked, released his hold, and walked out of the room before Hijikata had a chance to think of a response.

Hijikata sat there and thought, _what just happened?_ He had a odd feeling about his new advisor. It was puzzling since as far as he knew Sasaki was a violinist, not a cellist, but undeniably he had power and influence to help an up-and-coming classically trained musician in a world without too many opportunities. Not that Hijikata was certain that he wanted to make his living from music performance, but he could not imagine his future with no music. 

He had been drawn to music since he was a kid, in fact music got him through some bad times in the past. From his early childhood he was getting passed around different relatives’ houses, never staying too long at any one place. His mother was gone, and his step-mother could not stand the sight of him. He didn’t understand why at the time, feeling sad and guilty about upsetting the adults when he was young. Now that he understood the truth, it made him all the more bitter about the treatment he received as a child.

When he was about 7, he would secretly watch his aunt, that he was staying with at the time, play the piano. He would sit and listen for hours, anytime he heard her play. Sometimes she would host home concerts, and during those he hid in the room, listening to performances of beautiful piano melodies and the delighted murmurs of the guests in the audience. He wasn’t allowed to touch the beautiful glossy grand piano himself, but sometimes he snuck into the room when no one was around, to play the songs and pieces he’d heard. He couldn’t read music, but it turned out that he had excellent memory and an ear for music. Over time he figured out the layout of the keyboard and pieced together some simple melodies by ear. Despite being treated coldly, he remembered his time at that house fondly because of the beautiful piano and the music his aunt played. It came to an end when one day she returned home unexpectedly and discovered him playing a melody on the piano. After her initial surprise, she ordered him out of the room angrily. Then soon after the incident he moved to a different family, never to return to that house again.

Some months later, Toshiro had brought home, wherever that was at that time, an old guitar he found somewhere in a dusty storage room. He somehow managed to convince the family to let him keep it. He cleaned it up and did little odd jobs to save up some money to get replacement strings. He visited the musical instrument shop in town and learned how to take care of the guitar properly. Over time he taught himself to play. The only person he really showed was his big brother Tamegoro. He was at university at the time and not around much, but sometimes he visited Toshiro, and then he would spend time with him, play games, and take him to fun places. When Tamegoro heard Toshiro play his guitar, he looked amazed. It seemed Tamegoro was the only person to be happy about it. After that he saved up extra money and paid for Toshiro to get some music lessons and books to study with. Even if it had only been simple encouragement, it still meant the world to Toshiro.

Shaking off the old memories, Hijikata sighed and packed up his cello, in no mood to keep playing, even though there was almost a half-hour left of his scheduled time in the music room. As he walked slowly down the hallway, he heard his old teacher call out to him.

“Hijikata-kun, I’m sorry about that. I was just informed that Professor Sasaki is taking over your instruction. I wish I could keep working with you, but if there is anything you would like to talk about, please come to me anytime. And I will still see you at the chamber ensemble rehearsals.”

“Thanks, Abe-sensei. Thanks for everything. I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow.”

***

He went to the three story building that housed the faculty offices, just as all the campus buildings it had lofty ceilings, European style red brick walls, elegant white-framed windows, and sweeping staircases. As he was walking down the hallway on the top floor in search for Sasaki’s office, he saw an old man who smiled and beckoned to him.

“Hello, Dean Suzuki, can I help you with something?”

“Yes, actually, please come over here, Hijikata-san. I’ve been trying to rearrange my collection, but I can’t reach the top shelf - my balance isn’t what it used to be since they have me on these heart pills.”

“Of course, sir.” Hijikata hadn’t been inside one of the administrative offices before, and it was impressive. The Dean had a large office, with his assistant’s smaller office right next door. Hijikata supposed it was appropriate for the office of the head of the department to be impressive. Heavy mahogany furniture would have dominated the room if it hadn’t been so huge. A large mahogany cabinet at one side was full of various small to medium size statuettes made from different materials. At a glance, Hijikata noticed that most of them were people in different poses, some of them set up in little scenes. The dean directed him to rearrange some figures on the top shelf. 

“Oh, what do you think of my newest acquisition? Look at her exquisite posture, the arms and legs! She is so beautiful.” The old man pointed out a fairly small statue of a dancer girl, about the size of a hand. Hijikata wasn’t an expert on sculpture or art, so he just shrugged and made a noncommittal noise. He quietly stayed for a brief enthusiastic tour of Dean Suzuki’s sculpture collection.

“Hijikata-san, I hear that Sasaki-kun is taking you on as your advisor.”

“Yes, sir. I just found out today.”

“He is very talented in his own way, very driven. He can be a bit hard to work with, but he could really help you out if you take advantage of things. He’s got quite the vision for how music should be taught… quite radical...” Suzuki paused in thought, still looking troubled. “I’ve known him for a long time, you see, my boy. After that terrible thing that happened, he was never the same again… If anything, he became more driven, and he expects everyone else to be the same way.”

“Terrible thing?”

“Ah, well, I shouldn’t really say… But he had a family once, and they were killed, an awful tragedy. His poor wife and their child…”

Hijikata waited quietly to see if he would continue, but the old man seemed to shake himself, and his eyes lost their faraway look.

“If things really don’t work out, come to me. You have real talent, and I will support you.” Suzuki finally said with a fond smile.

“Th-thank you, sir… I’m sure it will be fine working with Professor Sasaki… You don’t have to worry about me.” 

Hijikata tried to hide his surprise at the compliment. He simply played music and worked on improving his skills because that’s what he loved to do. He loved working with the sound and challenging himself to master difficult compositions. He knew that he played reasonably well, but never really cared to compare himself to the other students or to insist on recognition or praise.

“Very well. Now I’ve kept you long enough. Go on, and thank you for helping this old man play with his collection.”

“Goodbye, Dean Suzuki.”

Walking out, Hijikata turned as his name was called again. It was the Dean’s assistant, the department secretary.

“Hijikata-san, if you have a moment, could you please take care of this paperwork? I was going to send it to you in the mail, but since you are here in person, this will be much quicker.”

“Sure.” He walked into the smaller office, accepting a few sheets of paper from the tall dark haired man. His glance slid across the desk, idly noting the name plate “Nakamura Kyojiro”, a sleek computer monitor, some pens, and an array of paper trays full of letters and forms, nothing unusual. Except… his eye snagged on the top letter seeing a familiar name “Hijikata Shizuka”. He felt a little shock when he recognized his step-mother’s name.

“You have a lot of paperwork there, must be really busy…”

“Oh yes, there is a fundraising campaign on right now for the department, and I’m coordinating the donations, writing the thank-you letters, documenting everything. It does keep me busy.” Nakamura had an easy charming smile.

“Oh is that what those are…”

“Yes, well, if you know of any good potential donors, let us know… Although I imagine donating money to other people is the furthest thing from your mind right now… But some of these funds do go to support our scholarship students, like you,” He said with a friendly smile.

“Thanks for your hard work… I’ll get these forms filled out and back to you.”

“Very well, you can drop them off when they are finished.”

Hijikata left and walked on along the hallway. Eventually he found a shiny brass plaque with Sasaki’s name on it. In the box mounted on the wall next to the door he found a thick envelope addressed to him. He shrugged and picked it up, sticking the envelope in his small backpack as he made his way back down the stairs. 

***

The following week time came around for his next studio session. Hijikata supposed it would be in the usual room, but there was nothing usual about the teacher. The workload - or the number of pieces he was to work on - was three times what the old teacher used to assign. Instead of two compositions, he had to practice six! But if he was to impress the ambitious senior instructor, six is what he would master. He even wore a button-down shirt instead of his usual well-worn hoodie, considering how formally Sasaki dressed at all times.

Hijikata came in a little early, set up the sheet music and his instrument. Sat down on the little stool, made sure the cello was in tune and the bow ready to go, and waited. And waited.

Soon, Sasaki walked briskly into the room. He gave Hijikata an expressionless stare and waved his hand impatiently. 

“Would you like me to play them in order, Sensei?”

“Yes, yes, let’s see what you can make of them.”

Hijikata picked up the bow, adjusted the cello between his legs and started to play. Most of the pieces were not technically too challenging for him, but neither was he very emotionally engaged in them. He simply played them as written, simple when required, expressive when the notation called for it. He occasionally looked over at Sasaki as he played, but the man seemed to be engrossed in this smartphone. Weird… Was he really listening?

After three or four pieces were played, Sasaki gestured for Hijikata to stop, and proceeded to lecture him about the music and all the ways his performance of the pieces fell short of expectations. Apparently he had a very particular interpretation of the music and the way he expected Hijikata to play, making him repeat some sections several times until he was satisfied. It was a long while before he allowed Hijikata to continue on to the remaining compositions.

On the fifth piece, which was one of the more difficult ones, Hijikata had to focus more on playing, so that he lost track of everything else in the room around him. Suddenly he startled as he felt a touch run down his back, starting at the back of the neck, along his spine, and all the way down his backside. The warmth lingering on his ass. The sheer surprise made his cheeks flare up red. His hands faltered and he missed a few notes, the music trailing off awkwardly.

“Did I tell you you could stop playing?” Sasaki’s voice was cold and monotonous, but oddly threatening.

“Is this some kind of harassment?!”

“Those are bold words for a little nobody student. If you can’t handle any little distraction when you play these piddling practice pieces, how will you handle real performance? How will you handle the brilliance of the truly elite composers?”

“I don’t have to put up with this.” Hijikata turned to face Sasaki, his fists tightening until his knuckles turned white.

“Put up with what? This isn’t elementary school. I will not coddle you. Are you perhaps uncomfortable with the workload? With rigorous instruction? What else are you imagining is going to happen here?”

“...” Hijikata wasn’t sure what to say, he just couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on.

“If you can’t handle the challenge of studying here, you can always consider dropping out. Perhaps you are no stranger to disgrace, but perhaps your dear brother would be disappointed that you could not handle your studies, even though he has done so much to help you come here. Perhaps you should quit now and make it quick. It will be easier for everyone.” 

“No! I- I’m not going to quit.” Hijikata wasn’t sure what Sasaki wanted, but he definitely knew he couldn’t bear to disappoint Tamegoro, the only person who ever believed in him when he was growing up, and now one of a very small number of people who cared what he did and what happened to him.

“Very well. Then, continue with your assignment.” Sasaki stared down at him impassively.

Unsettled, Hijikata raised the bow and started to play again.

“Let me adjust your posture.” After a minute or so Sasaki’s voice came from behind him, and then his hands slid firmly over his thighs, changing the position of his legs slightly. The fabric of his khaki pants felt too thin as the hands grasped his legs and spread them a little wider. A hand then ran softly down his bowing arm, almost in a caress, and made a slight shift to the arm position and angle. Hijikata blushed again but managed to keep playing. He was not used to being touched. He didn’t exactly get much in the way of hugs and affection growing up, and he wasn’t too interested in dating and getting physically involved with people either. The last time he did anything like that was back in high school, and that pretty much went nowhere. 

Not that he was very experienced with this sort of thing, but the touches felt oddly irritating and not entirely innocent. But everything Sasaki said indicated that Hijikata was misinterpreting what was happening. He didn’t know what to think, but he felt an itchy mix of embarrassment and anger that he tried to keep down, contained.

After finishing the last two pieces he endured more grueling drilling and repetition of several sections. His arms were starting to feel numb and worn out, and his head was feeling heavy. In fact he was starting to get a headache from all the tension and what felt like several hours of intensive focus. After Hijikata lost concentration several times, his eyes glazing over from Sasaki’s lecturing, the man made a big sigh and grabbed his ponytail, pulling his face up.

“Looks like you’re all done for today. You’d best show me next time that we didn’t waste time today. I’ll also be leaving more assignments for you - I’ll text you the names of the pieces and the editions of the sheet music I want you to study for the next two weeks. It may have been easy going so far, with the slipshod way this department is run. But remember, you will have to work hard to convince me that you should pass your semester-end examinations and continue your studies here. Not to mention keeping your scholarship support.”

“I- I see, okay…” the hand jerked his hair painfully. “Yes, sir.”

Under the taller man’s gaze, Hijikata fumbled to pack up his stuff, and stood up to leave. He briefly looked back as he left the room and was left uneasy at the hint of a smirk on Sasaki’s face.

***

_June_

The spring semester was only halfway through, it was lovely early June outside, but Hijikata spent little time enjoying it. Week after week, the workload he was supposed to study was relentless. No matter what, he was determined that Sasaki would not get the better of him. With hours and hours of daily practice on top of his other homework, and the occasional paying gig with Kondo’s wedding and event ensemble, he stayed up late to keep up, and got up early every day to start all over again. His shoulders hurt sometimes, but it wasn’t too bad, so he shrugged it off and kept going.

The sessions with Sasaki were exhausting, but he had to give the man some credit. Hijikata’s technique and stamina were improving from all the effort. He was strict and unforgiving, but he really knew his subject and had a lot to teach Hijikata. Sasaki had him playing a lot of complicated baroque music, the likes of Bach and Vivaldi. After all the practice the intricate compositions slipped polished and effortless from his bow. Just like shining glass ornaments. Or beautiful flowers preserved and unchanging forever. When did the cello start to feel so artificial? So lifeless? The music he played felt distant, disconnected, as if coming from somewhere else, someone else. When he tried to listen inside himself, for what used to flow naturally, nothing came.

One evening he decided to go out, after enduring yet another session filled with much criticism, drilling, stingy on approval, and peppered with ambiguous invasions of personal space and touches that were just a little too intimate. Never crossing the line so that he could later justify punching his professor, however. Every time he felt he was making progress, though maybe not quite fast enough for Sasaki to approve. Would he deign to give him good marks at the exams coming up in a month and a half? Otherwise, nothing bad happened, but every time he felt uneasy and bad afterwards, in a way he couldn’t explain. Maybe he really was being too sensitive? 

Regardless, it was time to get his mind off these useless worries. He had just turned 20 about a month ago, so he could go to a bar and get some drinks. At the time, Kondo, Yamazaki, and a couple of their buddies, as his wiser older friends at all of 25, had taken him out drinking to celebrate his birthday, becoming an adult and all that. He didn’t remember that night all too clearly, just a blur of laughter and bright lights. So he figured doing it again would help him unwind. And that’s how he came to be thoroughly drunk as he stumbled upon an unknown, incredible, guitarist in an unfamiliar bar. Or at least he’d been too drunk to register where he had followed his ears. But what could it change, what could a chance meeting like that possibly bring?


	2. Strike a chord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post this ahead of schedule, since the first chapter didn't really have any Gintoki... It's a little shorter than the other chapters, but more to follow soon!

_July_

They were sitting around on old ratty cushions of indeterminate grayish brownish color. The room’s mostly bare walls were painted neutral beige, the paint stained with age, with rock band posters plastered here and there. Piles of hardcover books and colorful comic books were scattered around the room. An old tv with some video game consoles sat in the corner. The single large window had a dingy dark-gray curtain pushed to the side, and little dust particles shimmered as they filtered through the rays of sunshine. The side of the room that housed a little kitchenette was crowded with empty drink cartons and takeout food containers, on the other side a couple of doors led to the bathroom and two tiny bedrooms. 

Gintoki started up a tune with a mid-tempo rhythm and a nice groove on his acoustic guitar. Hijikata took in the mellow yet bright tone of the guitar. After listening for a few measures he added in some rhythm parts and then started in on a counterpoint to Gintoki’s melody, adding a new resonance and putting a different twist on the mood. Gintoki nodded along in appreciation and after a while dropped back a bit, continuing to play the rhythm and a baseline, but giving Hijikata room to fill in a solo. Hijikata gave it a little spanish flair and, if he were honest, showed off a little with the precise fingering and fast and smooth technique, finger-picking the strings with his right hand. 

“Oh, nice, I guess I can see some use in that classical style training of yours. Gives you great finger dexterity and one hell of a stamina,” said Gintoki with a leer. And then he proceeded to join in and follow the complex melody, throwing in some more ornamentation.

They passed the lead back and forth a few more times, as if competing who had more creativity to keep building on the melody and the technique to pull it off. Eventually they dissolved into some final chords and sat for a while shaking out their overworked wrists and fingers. 

“Been a while since someone has given me this much of a workout,” said Gintoki. “You want a beer?”

“Sure. You’re not so bad yourself. How long have you been playing?”

“I got my first guitar when I was a kid... From my teacher. I guess I stuck with it ever since - I’m hardly ever without a guitar by my side.”

They had gotten together like this two or three times, at a park or at Gintoki’s ramshackle apartment. Jamming on guitars together. Not talking much beyond comments on the music. This kind of freewheeling improvisation was different from what Hijikata was used to. Completely different from the strict attitude and drilling he got from Sasaki, who did not tolerate any departure from the music as written. Hijikata found that he enjoyed the excitement as they blended their different sounds and musical ideas into a single whole. The sight of Gintoki’s masterful hold on his guitar, his strong fingers running nimbly across the strings, his pale curly hair practically glowing in the sunlight filtering into the room, swaying as his head bent and rocked to the rhythm. 

“Here ya go.” Hijikata dragged his eyes back from the smooth lightly tanned skin on the other man’s neck, blinking in a daze as he accepted the beer bottle passed over to him. What was he thinking about again? And how did they get here?

***

_2 weeks ago_

Hijikata had finished classes for the day, and decided to take the afternoon off from cello practice. He got his guitar and was going to a park to unwind and play around, like he’d been doing for years. Here in the city, his favorite spot was at a park, a hidden clearing up on a hill by a pond, a few hills over from the river. He could sit on the grass by himself, surrounded by old scraggly pine trees, and watch the ripples on the water, or the grass and tiny pink and white wildflowers bending in the wind, or little clouds speeding across the wide open blue sky away from distant tall glass towers, a rare view in crowded Tokyo. It reminded him a little of the countryside where he used to live. No one else ever came to the secluded spot at the edge of the park, and he could practically feel his tension melt away or bad mood dissolve whenever he spent time there, noodling around on his guitar. This park wasn’t very close to where he lived, but it was worth the extra time to visit once in a while.

Hijikata was riding his bike down a street on his way to the park when it caught his ear. It was one of the songs that he’d heard on that ill-fated night a couple weeks ago, when he got drunk by himself for the first time. Grimacing at recalling the painful morning after, he slowed as he studied the guy playing. This time he was sober, and it was the middle of the afternoon, so he could see him clearly, sitting on some steps between a cafe and some sort of shop. The busker didn't look that impressive. A young guy, about the same age as Hijikata, his head bent over as he played, with a shock of curly silvery white hair tied up in a messy ponytail with a light blue bandana. He wore ripped jeans and a ragged blue t-shirt, his guitar gleaming in the sun. His faded looking clothes, the bright hair, and light tan made Hijikata think he spent a lot of time outside. Likely doing some sort of physical labor or at least exercise, judging by his well-muscled frame.

Hijikata stopped, shifted the guitar case on his back to be more comfortable, and stood listening until the other finished playing. Then, under a questioning look from the guitarist, he shifted awkwardly.

“Um, that’s a good song.” 

“Thanks, man. You play too?” the other guy gestured at HIjikata's guitar case.  


“Oh, yeah, a little.”  


“Have a seat. Join me in my humble abode!” The blond guy smiled, flashing blindingly white teeth, and gestured expansively to the set of steps he was sitting on.  


“Uh, I was kinda on my way somewhere…”  


“Oh come on, let’s play, it’s gonna be fun! I’m Gintoki, by the way.”  


“Hijikata… I guess I can stay for a little while,” he suddenly decided. He leaned his bike next to a nearby wall out of the way, shrugged off the guitar case off his back, and sat down on a step. 

“Hmm, you look kind of stressed out. Here’s a song I wrote a long time ago.. Reminds me of the ocean in the summertime.” Gintoki launched into another song, and Hijikata sat and listened. 

One song led to another and another. At some point Gintoki asked to see his guitar and played around on it, and then convinced Hijikata to play something. He chose a simple old song that he had made up in a wistful mood once long ago, it was in a minor key but not too sad. Gintoki nodded along in appreciation. Hijikata realized that he had never played for someone else like this, other than for his brother, but somehow it was easy and natural to share the music with Gintoki. The shadows were growing longer and the setting sun’s light turning orange when Hijikata finally noticed the time passing. 

“Hey, I should get going… I have to get some stuff done for tomorrow,” Hijikata said, looking at his watch.

“Alright, well, this was a lot of fun. Listen, I recently moved here, and I’d love to jam with you again sometime. Can we exchange contact info?” 

“Sure, why not… I’m pretty busy though, so I don’t know when I’d be able to meet up.”

Usually Hijikata didn’t easily share information or let new people into his life, but something about Gintoki drew him in. Whether it was his music, his carefree attitude, the easy smile, or the intense oddly reddish brown eyes, he couldn’t say. To his own surprise he found himself giving Gintoki his phone number and putting in his name in his contact list. 

“Okay, I’ll keep in touch. See ya!” Gintoki’s smile and cheerful voice hung in the evening air.

Hijikata was on his bike and halfway home when he realized they hadn’t even really said all that much to each other in words, but somehow they didn’t need to.

***

_present_

Hijikata’s phone went off, and seeing the caller ID he answered quickly. 

“Hello, Kondo-san! What’s happening?”

_“Hey Toshi! Sorry to bother you, but would you happen to be free this afternoon? We have a gig at a wedding reception, but one of the guys called in sick just now, and we could really use someone to fill in. Can you sub in?”_

“Of course! Just send me the address and what time I should be there. Is it the usual semi-formal deal?”

_“Yeah… sorry about the short notice, Toshi, you’re a lifesaver!”_

“Sure, no problem. I’ll be there.”

He hung up, and looked over at Gintoki.

“Hey, sorry, I have to go.”

“What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just helping out with a job for work. Anyway, maybe see ya another time.” Hijikata got his stuff together, sketched a wave, and was out the door.

It was fun to hang out and talk or play music with this guy, but he wasn’t expecting it to last too long. People never stuck around in his life, with less than a handful of notable exceptions. Usually he just avoided people, not willing to get into relationship drama, clingy demands, or on the other hand, cold rejection. But for some reason he found himself making an exception to hang out with Gintoki. It was just a little fun, he told himself, it was no big deal. Didn’t matter how long it would go on, since they were just playing around on guitars. It didn’t mean anything, so it wouldn’t hurt when it was over. Not this time.

Gintoki was a slacker, sitting around with his guitar and comic books, daydreaming away. Drinking little kid drinks like strawberry milk and making silly jokes. No goals or ambitions, just drifting along, scraping by on a collection of part-time jobs and underpaid gigs. Really they had nothing in common… except the music… maybe. He was so easy to talk to, Hijikata didn’t need to talk. Easy to be with, he could just be. His head seemed empty, but his presence somehow felt larger than life, a vivid brightness that people around him turned to follow, like sunflowers. And his guitar playing, it was diabolical, or maybe heavenly. Hijikata had once read a story about a man who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for becoming the best violinist in the world, or was it the most famous guitarist? He couldn’t remember… but it felt the way Gintoki played, he must have sold his soul to the devil to be that good.

So maybe he would accept one more invitation to hang out… What was the harm in that? He wouldn’t get attached, that way lay a world of hurt. He knew better than that. He could cut things off anytime, so there was no reason to rush it. It was just a little fun, that’s all.


	3. At the summer festival

_August_

The tiny car was cramped. Hijikata had the passenger-side seat, a small overnight bag tucked next to his feet on the floor, and the back was full of chattering teens: Shinpachi and Kagura, as they were introduced. A skinny serious looking 16-year-old kid with glasses, and a loud mouthed and loud (red) haired, loud everything, Hijikata supposed, junior high school girl. The very back of the compact hatchback car was stuffed with guitar cases, portable amps, and bundles that according to Gintoki contained tents and camping equipment. Shinpachi had been listening to music on his earphones, but he was now engaged in bickering with Kagura over which of the bands at the rock festival would be the coolest most awesome and amazing show.

“Otsuu-chan is obviously the best, Kagura-chan.”

“No way!! You gotta check out Zuwar - they came from America, and I heard they have these crazy costumes aru.”

“No thanks, I don’t need to listen to some band just because they came all the way from America.”

“You have to expand your horizons, you know, Shin-chan. Someday Otsuu-chan will become an adult and get married and you will have to move on aru.”

“Whaaa! That’s not!... That’s not why... - I appreciate her musical talent, you know.” Shinpachi was horrified.

“She’s got a point there, Pattsuan, you should try all sorts of music before you settle down and decide what you like best” Gintoki cut across the argument. “I heard there is a cool Finnish metal band playing tomorrow - and get this! They play metal with cellos - sounds crazy, right?”

“Huh? Metal? That’d be interesting to see,” spoke up Hijikata.

“I never pegged you for a metalhead,” Gintoki looked over doubtfully. “Your hair’d work great for headbanging. Even better if you made it into a mohawk,” he chuckled.

“I’m not a metalhead,” sniffed Hijikata.

“Gin-san, are you going to play in the camping area again?” asked Shinpachi.

“Yeah, probably… why?”

“Remember last year? There was such a crowd, the security came and asked you to stop.”

“Oh that.. Maybe I should find a more private spot this time…” Everyone fell silent for a while.

“So you said they’re like your groupies?” asked Hijikata a few miles down the road.

“Oh yeah, these kids and I go way back, uhh… They just kinda started following me to gigs, helping me carry my stuff.”

“Actually I live with Gin-chan,” piped up Kagura in the back. “He took me in cause my papi is always off traveling with his papi.”

“Oh, I see,” said Hijikata. “That’s nice of you.”

“Nahh, it’s no big deal. Kagura is like my assistant…”

“Yeah, Gin-chan really takes care of me! You better be nice to him.”

“C’mon, Kagura, don’t make it into a big thing.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever, old man,” Kagura demonstratively dug her finger into her nose, and Shinpachi turned away, settling his headphones more securely over his ears.

They trailed off, drifting in their own thoughts. Gintoki scanned through a few radio stations and settled on some classic rock. Hijikata stared pensively out the window, as trees, houses, and fields rolled by.

***

_a few days ago_

Hijikata was about to eat a sandwich for dinner, while he studied for his remaining exams in his room. His books were set up in a pile around him, music history of the Western tradition, music theory and composition, his music history paper waiting to be written. His phone beeped, notifying him of a new text message.

_[Gintoki]: Heyyy, next weekend is the big mountain rock festival ^_^ you gotta come with me!!!1!_

Hijikata sighed, but it was August and he would be finished with exams and technically on summer break next weekend. Even though he had piles of assigned work during the so-called summer vacation, so he wouldn’t have much of a chance to go to the sea or do any of that summer fun stuff. He checked the calendar and the weekend looked clear. Just in case, he texted Kondo to make sure he wasn’t needed for any of those days. Hijikata had been part of a musical ensemble that Kondo managed, a loose group that played at various events, weddings, receptions, and so on. Each gig Kondo picked some subset of the musicians that worked with him, and Hijikata helped him whenever he could. It was a way to make some money, and much more fun than other part-time jobs he’d had.

He texted back:  
[Hijikata]: “Okay. when do we go? I can’t afford hotels btw”  
_[Gintoki]: “no problemo - we are going oldschool camping my man”_  
[Hijikata]: “You got a tent and stuff?”  
_[Gintoki]: “you let Gin-san take care of everything! have no worries and bring overnight bag and extra underwear”_  
[Hijikata]: “Huh??”  
_[Gintoki]: “it’s important to have backup underwear. never mind - long story”_  
_[Gintoki]: “come over friday late morning and we’ll be there a couple days”_  
[Hijikata]: “ok fine. See ya then”

***

_present_

They were driving through the mountains now, getting pretty close to the festival venue at one of the big skiing resorts, during wintertime anyway. Gintoki casually kept his hands on the steering wheel as he drove, occasionally glancing over at Hijikata. His face was serious as always, his steel blue eyes distant as he stared out the window in silence. That guy was usually so cool, quiet, and intense, Gintoki found himself wanting to rile him up, to break his calm. It made Gintoki want to say something funny or crazy or do something stupid, to bring him back to the here and now, or even to see that rare slight smile that softened and brightened his beautiful eyes. But more likely than not, he would roll those eyes or say something sarcastic in retort instead.

They’d met only a couple of months ago, but already he felt like Hijikata fit into the messy jigsaw puzzle that was his life. Music was the key to everything of course. Without that, no way that shy standoffish guy would have ever spoken with him, never mind smiled. So Gintoki was doubly, no triply, excited for the music festival - not only to get away from the city, away from his nagging if well-meaning friends, do some mountain camping and take in some music, watch his kids have a good time. But he would also finally spend a bit more time with his new friend, who was always so busy with studies and work, too busy to relax. It was summer vacation time, dammit! Summer was the time for romance, and Gintoki wouldn’t have minded getting into those pants. Unfortunately Hijikata didn’t seem to be catching any of his hints, and Gintoki didn’t feel like going to the effort of seducing the guy. He was fun to hang out with regardless, so why risk messing up a good thing?

Gintoki’s tiny rental car wound its way up the mountain road, and finally they reached the designated parking for the camping areas, which were on some mostly flat fields near the slopes of the mountain. Up here the air was clearer and sharper, the green was greener, the sky wide and empty of man-made things. 

The festival boasted a wide range of music styles, attracting all sorts of people. Quite a large number of people were already there, and camping for the festival was especially popular among the younger crowd. The tent city on the field was abuzz with excited high school and college aged festival-goers, dressed in a jumbled mix of styles from hippie to rock and punk, to gothy lolita outfits. _Those are impressive to put together in the woods_ , Gintoki smirked to himself. Here and there next to some tents, mixed groups were sitting around chatting or playing guitars, drums, and other things. 

Gintoki watched his companions’ reactions. It wasn’t the first time for Shinpachi and Kagura, and they looked pleased to be there. He guessed that Hijikata hadn’t been to anything like this before though. He was acting cool, but his eyes were wide and he was looking all around taking in the sight and sound and smell of the place. The wild scent of mountain air mixed with smells of food, smoke, and many many people. As they walked along, there was an occasional whiff of more herbal smoke. 

Hijikata hitched up the bundles he was carrying a little higher and asked: “Where do you want to set up camp?”

“We have our usual spot, follow me!” replied Gintoki. The spot was at the edge of the field, near a wooded area. They dumped their bags on the ground, and Hijikata lit up a cigarette as he sat on the grass.

The evening was a whirlwind of activity. Gintoki bustled around the campsite, setting up the big tent with Shinpachi’s help. Hijikata was drafted to unpack the food that they had brought along, some rice balls and cold noodles. After they ate, Gintoki suggested they wander around to check things out. 

“There are usually some opening bands the first night but they’re not the big headliners. The biggest shows are tomorrow. There’s often interesting stuff going on around the campgrounds too.”

They went to the performance stage area and listened to the bands there for a while. He got the feeling that the audience milling around was more excited to be there than to see those bands. After the performance they wandered among the tents. It was like a huge party with people sitting around, listening to music, singing, chatting, eating, drinking. The group stopped from time to time, getting offered drinks. Gintoki had his guitar slung over his back and played a song or two before moving on. And so it went, as they made their way along, drinking, eating, singing, dancing, floating along with a party current. At some point Shinpachi and Kagura had split off, hanging out with younger kids. Gintoki noticed that Hijikata was mostly quiet and listening more than speaking, although both of them attracted plenty of attention, especially female attention. Gintoki enjoyed the flirting, but Hijikata didn’t seem too interested.

It had been fully dark for a while when Hijikata turned to him and said, “Hey, I’m getting tired, I’m gonna head back to our tent. You don’t have to come though, you look like you’re having fun.”

“It’s okay, I’ll come back with you. I wanna make sure the kids are back too.”

They walked companionably past tents and through throngs of noisy people.

“Now I see why you picked a spot at this end of the field. It’s a bit quieter here. What a relief…” sighed Hijikata and pulled out another cigarette, when they finally got back to their campsite.

“You don’t like crowded places?”

“Not really. I just get tired from all the noise. But I’m fine over here.”

“Hey, wanna relax and play some tunes for a bit? It’s just us and the kids. Oh yeah, I brought some beers for us too if you want one. They’re in that cooler over there.”

“Sure. You go ahead. I’ll join in in a bit.” 

Gintoki made himself comfortable with some rolled up blankets and brought out his guitar. Away from the city the sky was huge and full of stars. The moon was out, but hidden behind some patchy clouds.

“Places like this, you really feel the pull of the earth and the weight of the sky, huh… we are tiny little specks here in the dark, it’s nothing like living in the city.”

“Have you always lived in Tokyo?” Hijikata asked as he settled himself nearby.

“Oh no, I’ve travelled all over. Visited a ton of cities when I was following dad on tours, a bunch of small towns and country places too. Kind of a rolling stone, I guess…”

“But you had your dad… that sounds nice.” Gintoki thought Hijikata sounded wistful.

“It was alright - he was always busy, but found time to spend with me, and teach me stuff.”

“Oh, is he the one who gave you your guitar?”

“Yeah…” Gintoki hesitated. “What about you, have you always lived in Tokyo, or did you just move there for school?”

“Well, I moved there for school, but before that I’d moved around a bit too, mostly in the countryside, not as much as you though… When I was finishing elementary school I lived with my older brother in Tokyo for a couple years, but then he had to go overseas for work.”

“Yeah, my dad is overseas too. He stopped taking me along for tours and made me stay in one place to go to high school… And I guess I’ve been hanging around ever since graduation.”

“Really? So how come you’re not touring yourself? The way you play… I would expect you to be signed on for a record deal and famous by now.”

Gintoki shrugged, “Enough jawing, let’s get playing,” he smiled to soften his words and started a tune. It was a slow meditative melody that repeated and circled in on itself, with an almost hypnotic effect. He was going all acoustic without effects, but it was one of those songs that worked well with a repeater pedal, so he could layer the parts over each other again and again. In fact, after a while, as he played, the sound started to layer in harmony. Gintoki shook his head to clear it, but then looked over and realized that Hijikata had his guitar out and was playing along. He had picked up the melody from listening to Gintoki play it a couple of times and was good enough to play along. Gintoki felt a warm tingle in his chest. It had been a long time since he’d played with someone as compatible as Hijikata. Not since the last time he had played with his dad, well, adopted father to be precise. Then again, no one compared to the legendary singer and guitarist Yoshida Shouyou.

Gintoki appreciated the way Hijikata did not keep pressing him or asking questions, the way they seemed to be able to communicate without words, easy in each other’s company. They played a few more songs without speaking, flowing smoothly from one to the next, then Hijikata said, “I’m gonna turn in. Looks like the kids are exhausted too.” In fact Kagura looked asleep, although Shinpachi was still listening. He yawned and helped get Kagura moved into the tent and wrapped in her sleeping bag.

“Why don’t you settle in, Pattsuan. Hijikata and I will be back in a bit,” Gintoki said.

“Goodnight,” said Shinpachi and set about getting ready to sleep.

“Where are we going?” asked Hijikata.

“Oh, not too far, I wanna show you this thing, it’s awesome!”

“Hmm, ookay.”

Gintoki brought out a flashlight, and pulled Hijikata along with him into the woods, “Follow me.”

They walked through the wooded area for a while, going uphill, then the mountainside opened up. In the clearing, contained by a rocky wall on one side, was an open air hot spring surrounded by rounded boulders, little wisps of steam rising in the chilly night air. The cloud cover cleared up and a sizable moon lit up the area. A truly romantic spot, it would probably have a beautiful view during daytime.

“What is this place?” asked Hijikata.

“Hot spring. It’s a bit of a secret spot, so I figured nobody would be here. C’mon, let’s get in and relax!”

Gintoki led the way to the edge of the water, where he quickly stripped off his clothes and got in the water, turning around to watch Hijikata.

“Are you sure about this? We’re not trespassing or something?”

“Don’t worry about it! Who’s going to come here this time of night? C’mon, no one’s gonna see us.”

“If you say so…” Hijikata slowly approached the edge and looked around nervously.

“Get in here! The water’s great.”

Hijikata sighed and took off his shirt, his torso pale in the moonlight. Gintoki noticed his slender yet well muscled arms and upper body. And could not tear his eyes away, as Hijikata took off the rest of his clothing without looking up and folded everything in a neat pile.

“We don’t even have towels or anything,” grumbled Hijikata as he got in the water with a small splash. 

Gintoki was glad it was dark and he was chest deep in the dark water. He cleared his throat and said: “So what do you think of the festival so far? You having fun?”

“Yeah, it’s so lively, spending the night camping and all the other people here… I’ve never done anything like this before…” he trailed off self-consciously.

“No worries, gotta be a first time for everything. I think I was about Shinpachi’s age the first time I came here. It was a group of my high school buddies and I,” Gintoki smiled at the memory.

“Oh, so that’s how you were spending your precious study time that your father insisted on?”

“Hahaha, yeah, it was real quality time, I tell ya.”

“I can see how studious you are.”

They relaxed in the water and chatted amiably, about nothing in particular, joking and laughing about Gintoki’s stories of shenanigans in high school and since. The light hearted atmosphere was nice, and Gintoki enjoyed seeing Hijikata at ease, with a little smile on his face.

“Hey, your hair’s all messy,” Gintoki said after a while.

“Oh okay, I’d better redo it,” Hijikata replied and took out his hair tie. His thick jet black hair fell loose as he shook it out from the usual ponytail, trying to smoothe it out with his fingers.

“I heard hot springs are good for long hair.” Gintoki edged closer; he really wanted to run his hand through those dark flowing locks and feel the texture. Was it silky smooth or coarse like horse mane? He was surprised when Hijikata suddenly dipped back and put his head in the water, smoothing the now dripping wet hair back out of his face. With the long v-shaped bangs out of the way, he looked different, his eyebrows and eyelashes standing out on his pale moonlit face, starkly framed by long black hair.

Gintoki stared, at a loss for words. Hijikata looked over and met his gaze. His lips parted but no words came. They were frozen in that moment, looking at each other in the moonlight.

Then, suddenly, Gintoki startled at loud shouting and a bright light shining over them.

“Attention please! This is security! You are trespassing!”

“Shit! It’s security, run!”

They scrambled out of the water, stuck their feet in their shoes, grabbing their clothes as they went, and lit out at a dead run, naked as the day they were born. Gintoki wasn’t sure if they were actually pursued. Heavy breathing and racing heartbeat filled his ears. And Hijikata’s out-of-breath cursing. After a while he had to admit the folly of running naked through the woods, as they collected scratches in sensitive places.

“Wait up… I think we lost them, let’s rest a moment. And get dressed… my precious family jewels can’t take this... running around in the woods, uncovered,” Gintoki said, panting.

“Okay, do you have your flashlight?”

“Yeah, here.”

“Fuck, I think I lost some of my clothes…”

“But did you pack extra underwear like I told you?” Gintoki grinned and dodged the responding punch.

“Arghh, this is so not funny!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“Sure is! And can you imagine the look on the security dude’s face? I didn’t have to imagine the look on yours!” Gintoki dissolved into laughter. 

Hijikata looked grumpy for a few moments, but could not resist laughing as well. There they were, two grown men, wet and naked in the woods, laughing their heads off. Eventually they put on what clothes they had - Gintoki’s full set, and in Hijikata’s case, shirt and pants.

“Hey, which way do we go back to the campsite?”

“Well, it’s downhill… We kinda ran in a random direction, so let me figure out as we go. Too bad we have no signal out here in the mountains, to use a map app on a phone… Not that I brought my phone to the hot spring anyway…”

“Riiight…”

Strike that - two grown men, damp, mostly clothed, and lost in the woods. Luckily for them, the area wasn’t that wild, and the woods not that big. So following the downhill direction, they eventually came to a cleared part of the mountain slope, and from there were able to find their way back to the camp. They got to the tent and collapsed exhausted into their sleeping bags next to the sleeping Kagura and Shinpachi.

“Well, i’m never doing _that_ again…”

“Are you sure? I thought you enjoyed the hot spring… the rest... was just rotten luck.”

“The hot spring part was fine, but maybe next time we can go somewhere legal? I could do without the naked running from security through the woods thing…”

“Aww where is your sense of adventure!”

“Ugh, forget it, I’m going to sleep.”

“Goodnight, Hijikata, it was really fun…”

“G’night...”

***

The next morning by the time Gintoki woke up, the kids already were up and out of the tent. In the brightening midmorning light and growing bustle of the campgrounds, he rubbed his eyes and noticed the lump in the sleeping bag nearby. He smirked and kicked at the sleeping shape.

“Rise and shine!”

Incoherent grumbles sounded in response, as Hijikata stirred. He sat up slowly, squinting, rumpled, his hair loose and tangled from when he fell asleep after running around with wet hair in the woods the night before. He tried to run his fingers through his hair and groaned as his fingers caught in the snarls.

“Ohh man, it’s a mess…”

“Maybe you should get a makeover and get a mohawk like I told you… great for headbanging…” Gintoki snarked and dodged Hijikata’s kick. “You know, just, think about it…”

After rummaging around for their bags in the tent, they pulled on some fresh clothes and emerged out of the tent blinking owlishly. 

“Good morning, sleepyheads!” exclaimed Kagura with a big teasing grin. Gintoki winced and covered his ears. “Breakfast is ready aru!”

“Where’s Pattsuan?”

“Ah, he made breakfast and then went off, mumbling something about an Otsuu-chan fan club meeting…”

“Well, we’ll catch up with him later,” nodded Gintoki.

“By the way, Mayora-kun, what happened to you?” Didn’t take her long to pick a nickname...

“...nothing.”

“I happen to be a pro with hair. And for a small fee I can fix it all up for you,” she looked at him nonchalantly. “Unless, of course you _like_ doing your hair and want to spend… ahh, a good hour untangling that mess on your head.” She pursed her lips and gestured at him airily.

Hijikata glowered silently, then relented. “...Okay, what do you want?”

“Buy me snacks today and we’ll call it even.”

“...Fine. After breakfast.”

 _Ohhh, you don’t know what you’re in for… that’s a steep price, with how much that girl can eat,_ thought Gintoki with amusement.

They visited the facilities and came back to eat the breakfast Shinpachi had put together. Afterwards Kagura sat Hijikata down and was working on his hair. She pulled out some twigs and leaves, then got out some sort of spray and was spraying it on as she brushed out the tangled strands. 

“What did you do last night? Jeez, I haven’t had to deal with a mess like this since big brother decided it was a good idea to to get into a big fight in the middle of some haystacks, when we were kids.”

“Uh, nothing. We went in the woods… and my hair got wet. What’s that spray stuff?”

“It’s detangler. You’re lucky I brought my hair stuff along.”

Growing bored after a while, Gintoki went for a little walkabout around the tent city. When he came back he had to make an effort to keep a straight face. Hijikata’s long black hair was braided into lots of little braids. He didn’t seem to be aware of it as Kagura continued to chatter on about her brother, and the bands she wanted to see today, and the things she wanted to do. She stared right at Gintoki and gave him a big shit-eating grin. He put on his best indifferent expression.

“So you guys almost done playing hair salon? It’s about time for the first bands to get started on stage.”

“Who’s playing hair salon!” came an indignant response.

“Almost done,” said Kagura. “Let me just put it up out of the way for you.”

She pinned up the mass of braids and strands into a complicated twist, using pins and clips that appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

“Hmm… something’s missing...” She pondered. “Ah! I got just the thing to keep it in place!”  
She dug through her bag of supplies and pulled out a clip with a big bright blue silk flower. Gintoki felt his eyebrows creeping skyward, and he turned away nonchalantly. Wouldn’t do to give the game away too early. He turned back and had to admit it was a beautiful arrangement.

“Too bad Zura’s not here, he’d die of envy,” said Gintoki.

“He never lets me near his hair,” pouted Kagura.

“Is it finished?” spoke up Hijikata.

“Oh, yeah, you’re all set! Don’t mess with it, okay?”

“Thanks…” 

“Let’s go hear some music!” Kagura jumped up to her feet, rushing them to move along.

The second day of the festival there were many bands playing, all day long. Although the main headliners didn't go on stage until the evening, there was plenty to do. Gintoki enjoyed the festive atmosphere of it all. People were dancing, singing, listening to music, it was like a huge party in a beautiful mountain setting. The August weather was fine and less hot than in the city.

Most of all Gintoki enjoyed watching his companions. Kagura wore a twirly dress in rainbow colors, and she danced and danced, in between getting snacks from the food stands thoughtfully provided by the festival organizers. As time went on, Hijikata’s wallet grew thinner, as more and more snacks disappeared to fuel the small-looking energetic red-haired girl. When it came to Hijikata, he seemed to be having a good time listening to music, but he mostly kept to himself, seemingly unaware of the admiring and sometimes amused glances and smiles he attracted. Once or twice some little groups of young women tried to pull him into a dance, but were firmly rejected. At some point Shinpachi rejoined them. “Nice hair, Hijikata-san,” he deadpanned with a slightly wide-eyed look. Gintoki was proud.

At night the crowds got thicker and the atmosphere less relaxed and more excited as the heavy hitters of the festival got ready to perform. Gintoki savored the stunned look on Hijikata’s face when four guys in ripped black clothes, leather, and chains walked onto the stage, three of them carrying cellos.

“You mean you weren’t kidding about the Finnish metal cello band…?” Hijikata turned to Gintoki.

“Nope!” he laughed.

“Th- that’s… that’s actually really cool,” Hijikata said, his voice softening almost to a whisper.

“You want some room for headbanging?”

“I am not a metalhead!”

“Uh-huh, right, you just like cellos, I get it,” smirked Gintoki.

“Hmph,” Hijikata turned away to look at the stage. They barely spoke for the rest of the band’s set. For all he claimed not to be a fan of metal, Gintoki thought, Hijikata really got into the show.

They went to hear all the bands, and then to after-parties, and much much later, back to their tent to sleep. Hijikata let his hair down to arrange it for sleeping, pulling out many pins and clips in the process. He gave a disgusted look at the rest of them when he saw the huge blue flower he’d been wearing all day and tossed it at Kagura with a bit more force than necessary. Gintoki hid his smile.

All in all it had been an excellent fun-filled day. The next morning was time to drive back to Tokyo, back to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Shoyou as a singer, I was rather inspired by the amazing singing voice of his seiyuu, Yamadera-san.


	4. All work and no play

_Late September_

Pleasant classical music played in the background, blending with the clinking of wine glasses and polite voices rising and falling in conversation. Soft light filtered through the elegant semicircular windows of the conservatory reception hall, making the hardwood floor gleam. Here and there elegant well-dressed men and women chatted as they nibbled fancy hors-d'oeuvres.

Hijikata swiped his hair out of his face and started in on another measure of yet another generic string quartet piece. At this point he could play these in his sleep. His fellow musicians, a violist and two violinists, sat next to him. They were all students in the same department and played in the same chamber ensemble, drafted to provide background music for the graduation reception for faculty, graduating students, and their families.

During a brief break from playing, he wandered over to one of the buffet tables to get something to drink. Suddenly there was a sound of breaking glass, and in the stillness, a loud voice stood out.

"I told ya old man, and I ain't gonna tell you again."

"Please calm down, young man..." That sounded like the Dean's voice.

Hijikata made his way closer to the argument and saw that the old man Suzuki was talking to a young guy, probably high school age, with a long red braid and a flashy long black coat. The old man was waving his hands in a pacifying gesture, obviously agitated. 

"You give me back what's mine. Or else you won't like the consequences," smiling maniacally the whole time, the kid grabbed the old man by the lapels, shook him and then physically lifted him. The Dean went red, then pale in the face. 

Just then, a tall figure stepped in and physically separated the two. 

"That's enough, you delinquent. I've called security," Sasaki's abrasive voice dropped like a stone in the shocked silence.

The red haired kid bared his teeth in a snarl, he stared at Sasaki and then violently broke out of his hold. He straightened his back and glanced back at Suzuki.

"This isn't over, old man. I'm not so easy to get rid of." He turned and in a sudden movement upended one of the tables with a resounding crash of china, cutlery, and glassware. Then he was gone. 

After a hushed moment, the people in the room started to babble. Hijikata saw that Suzuki was holding a hand to his chest and staggering, and he quickly pushed his way through the crowd to him. Up close the Dean was pale and sweaty, and Hijikata helped him to a chair.

"I'll get you some water."

"I need the pills in my pocket," the old man wheezed.

Hijikata looked around for a glass of water, but Nakamura walked up just then and handed him one. Hijikata thanked him quietly and, fumbling through Suzuki’s jacket pockets, finally found a round metal box. Inside were some capsules, and he put one in the old man's hand.

“Is that the one?” Hijikata said.

“Yes, thank you, dear boy,” Suzuki put the capsule in his mouth without looking and drank his water. “That’s much better,” he sighed. “Thank you too, Nakamura-kun.” 

Hijikata looked around as he felt a heavy gaze. Sasaki was staring at them intently with a stony face, then turned away to talk to several security guards who had shown up at some point without Hijikata noticing.

Within minutes Suzuki’s face became a much healthier color and his breathing calmed.

“Are you alright? Should we call the doctor?”

“No no, I will be fine now. It’s my heart acting up, you know, but those pills really do the trick.” Suzuki patted the pocket that held the pill box. “Thank you for taking care of me, Hijikata-san.”

“That kid, do you know him?”

“Don’t worry, the security will handle things from here. I’m sorry you had to witness this row… Not a very good incident in the middle of a graduation celebration,” the Dean sighed. “Well, I’d best get to salvaging what I can. Come with me, Nakamura-kun.”

Hijikata looked doubtfully at the old man, who suddenly looked very serious as he walked off towards Sasaki, his secretary trailing along a step behind him. One of the security guards was tensely talking on the radio, probably trying to track down the intruder, and the other was still listening to Sasaki. Hijikata looked around the room, from the mess of glass shards and food next to the fallen table, to the crowd of well-dressed people around the edges, chattering and staring with worry and excitement. He wondered if his job as background entertainment was done and scanned the room, seeking his fellow quartet members. The lead violinist was nowhere to be found. _Yep, we’re done if I don’t get Miyu-chan back here,_ thought Hijikata. He quietly went to look for the missing violinist just as Dean Suzuki started on a placating speech.

***

_Two weeks later - October_

Hijikata set the bow down, shook out the stiffness from his wrists and shoulders, and sighed. He felt tired, although he was used to it. The fall semester was in full swing, with the coursework, student ensemble, practice, and a steady stream of assignments from Sasaki filling his days. Ruffling his hair, he went through the piles of sheet music again and tossed the latest set aside. Then dragged himself to his feet and went to the small balcony to have a smoke.

“I’m home!” Yamazaki’s voice came.

“Welcome home…” 

“Have you had dinner? I think I got too much take-out.”

“Oh, I guess I haven’t. Thanks.”

Hijikata finished his cigarette and went over to the shared kitchen and dining area. Yamazaki was setting up the takeout containers on the table. 

They had been roommates for almost a year and a half, and Yamazaki made an ideal roommate. He usually wasn’t around - busy with finishing medical school at first, and now that he had started residency, his hours were even longer. Hijikata could practice as much as he wanted without disturbing his roommate. When they did see each other, he was a lively cheerful guy of about 25, with dark hair and unassuming appearance. He was often happy to drag Hijikata out to hang out at a bar or to one of the med school student mixers, like the one where they first met. Though neither of them had much time for social life lately.

“How were the patients today?” Hijikata asked. 

“About the same as usual, it’s one appointment right after another... I think I’ll take a bath after dinner and go straight to bed.” Yamazaki held back a yawn. “How’s your stuff going? You look beat.”

“Oh, it’s okay. My advisor’s been giving me more work…”

“That slave driver. Please take care of yourself and don’t overdo it.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. If you’re going to bed soon, let me just play through this piece a couple more times, and then I’ll work on some written assignments so you can sleep.”

“When are you going to eat?”

“I’ll eat later, it’s fine. Thanks for the food.”

***

The next day Hijikata was sitting outside, in one of the school’s courtyards, between classes. He had an idea buzzing around in his head, so he decided to bring his cello along, and now he pulled it out and was playing around. The idea was inspired by a song he and Gintoki had been putting together on guitar, and he wanted to see how it would translate to cello. He was so engrossed that he didn’t mind the chilly breeze, and he didn’t notice the new presence until an overbearing voice spoke up above him.

“If you’ve got time to waste on this sort of “experimental” garbage, I’m clearly not giving you enough work. Or else your study habits leave something to be desired.”

Startled, Hijikata stopped his arm motion, cutting off the sound with an abrupt squeak, and looked up as Sasaki stared at him down his nose, the very image of disapproval. 

“How is the progress on your recital pieces? You only have less than two weeks to prepare.”

“I, uh, I’ve been practicing… sensei...” Hijikata blinked.

“Get these distractions out of your head, Hijikata-san. If you wish to be part of the elite in the musical world, or at least if you wish to pass the course, you will do as I say. For the next two weeks I want you to focus all your efforts on preparing for your recital and the upcoming music competition. I hope I do not need to remind you of the importance of this. All eyes, or at least all those that matter, will be watching the most prestigious competition of the year in November. You must win the competition, at all costs.”

“I’ll practice extra hours every day, sir.”

“Hmm, that’s a good idea. In fact, to reduce the potential for distractions, I want you to come to my house for practice every afternoon for the next two weeks. You have classes in the morning, do you not?” 

Hijikata nodded mutely. 

“Be there from 14:00 until 20:00. I will provide dinner for my hardworking student. And you may have Sunday off.” Sasaki said in a bored tone. “I’m texting you the address.”

Sasaki started tapping on his phone, then frowned.

“Tsk… not again. Useless...” he mumbled. Sasaki seemed distracted, as if he’d forgotten Hijikata was there.

“Something happen?”

“That kid’s causing a commotion at the administrative offices again. I have to go deal with it.” 

With one last brief look at Hijikata, Sasaki snapped his phone closed and walked off. Hijikata stared after him, but shrugged and went back to playing his cello. Campus disturbances were none of his business. He had recitals to prepare for. And now more practice sessions. As if he wanted to spend more time around his advisor.

***

Gintoki was sitting backstage, on break, flipping through his phone distractedly. The message log hadn’t changed since the last few times he checked.

[Gintoki]: hey, i’m done with work around 4, wanna come over?  
_[Hijikata]: sorry, can’t. i’m stuck at prof’s house for practice all afternoon_  
[Hijikata]: have to do it every day for 2 weeks except sunday :/  
[Gintoki]: bummer… see ya sunday?  
_[Hijikata]: sure._  
[Gintoki]: bet you’ll be a basketcase by then. I’ll prep the gurney.  
_[Hijikata]: very funny_  
[Hijikata]: gotta go now. ttyl  
[Gintoki]: see ya

It seemed like something had been bothering Hijikata lately, although he wouldn’t say anything. He just seemed withdrawn, and less interested in making music together. He would listen, but whenever it came to Gintoki suggesting he grab a guitar, he came up with some excuse not to or left early. They still got together, but he kept getting a weird vibe.

“Yo, Gintoki, get over here!” the stage manager’s voice broke into his thoughts. “We need to move some stuff, and then I want you to go up and fix some of the stage light angles. They’re going to start rehearsing in half an hour, and we can check the placement then.” 

Gintoki scratched his head, put away the phone, and got back to work.

***

Hijikata rolled his bike up to the gate at Sasaki's address and rang the doorbell. He hurriedly straightened the wrinkles out of his jacket as he waited. Soon something buzzed and clicked, and the gate swung open automatically. There must be a video camera somewhere, he thought, glancing at the tall thick wall and the solid wooden gate. As he approached the front door of the impressive looking traditional Japanese house, he looked around the front courtyard for a proper place to park his bike.

"You may leave your bicycle there, it will be taken care of, Hijikata-dono."

"Oh, okay, thanks." He was taken aback by the stiff formality of the short old man. He unstrapped the cello case from the cargo rack on the back of the bike and walked to the front entrance. Inside the front hall he took off his shoes and looked around. The entry hall was very formal with light walls and dark wooden cabinets and trim. There was a tasteful and no doubt properly auspicious flower arrangement to greet whoever came into the house.

"Please follow me," the old man intoned after accepting and hanging up his jacket. “Sasaki-sama left instructions. You are to practice in the Rose room until 19:15, then you are to bathe and change for dinner at 20:00. Someone will be along to provide some refreshments and to assist you later. You may leave your instrument in the Rose room when you are finished for the day, if you wish."

Hijikata blinked, mystified, it all sounded strange and formal. Why did he need to change clothes? He looked at his usual long sleeved sweater and jeans and couldn't find anything wrong with them. They were comfortable for practice, maybe a bit informal. He shrugged, as long as he didn’t have to wear something embarrassing, he didn't care. They were just clothes.

He followed the old man to the practice room. The pretentiously named Rose room was actually a Western style room to one side of the house. Hijikata was relieved he could use a chair as he didn’t want to try to play the cello while kneeling or sitting on the floor, neither did he want to stand for hours. It was an elegantly furnished sitting room with a lush dark red carpet in the middle, white couches, and several fancy looking upholstered chairs. There was even a crystal chandelier and a glossy white grand piano in the corner. One of the chairs was set up next to a music stand, obviously for him. The small table next to it held a pile of books and papers. Great, more assignments to work on. He settled in to study and practice, thinking he needed to figure out where he could take a smoke break later.

***

By the time the evening rolled around, Hijikata was exhausted, mentally and physically. He put away the study materials and his instrument, stretched out and rolled his shoulders that were starting to ache. At the appointed time Yukiko, the same petite and quiet maid who brought him tea during the afternoon breaks, knocked and led him to the bathroom. It was a traditional Japanese style bathroom, and he was grateful to relax and soak in the hot water for a short while.

Afterwards they went down some hallways and the maid slid open a door. In the Japanese style room beyond was a stand set up with a full traditional outfit, with an expensively shimmering silk kimono in a beautiful deep blue color with a subtle lighter blue pattern, obi, haori, under-kimono, and other pieces he couldn’t even name. Okay, that was a little weird, but he saw no harm in it. Just a whim of an eccentric rich man. Hijikata was glad someone was there to help because his experience with traditional clothing was pretty much limited to simple yukatas on festival days, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to put this kind of formal outfit together correctly.

When he was dressed, Yukiko offered to put up his hair, but he declined politely, gathering it in his usual ponytail. That would have been too much like playing dress-up, he thought.

The dinner was set up in yet another Japanese style room, everything very traditional. Sasaki was sitting down wearing a dark kimono, looking bored, but jarringly fiddled with his phone. He stared impassively, when Hijikata entered the room and bowed in a polite greeting, then gestured to the other place setting.

Dinner went uneventfully, with sparse conversation, mostly about the work he had been doing during the day. The food was good and the sake excellent. After dinner, Hijikata changed back into his own clothes, rode his bike home, and collapsed into bed to sleep.

*** 

The same pattern continued all week. In the morning Hijikata had classes or ensemble rehearsals, then he would study, get lunch, and make his way to Sasaki’s house by 2 in the afternoon. He would be taken to the Rose room to study and practice the afternoon away, then a luxurious bath, a new set of Japanese clothes, and dinner. The bath felt wonderful after a long day of exertion, the spacious traditional bathing area was much nicer than the bathroom at his apartment. He would wash as quickly as he could to take advantage of the soaking and relaxing in the tub as long as possible. He had to be careful to stay awake, and once or twice he got so drowsy from the comfortable hot water, that he was startled by the knocking of the maid who came to help him dress.

At dinner Hijikata was usually too exhausted to make a good effort at conversation, so they were quiet affairs. They would have some brief discussion of the day’s work, with Hijikata mostly looking at his plate while feeling Sasaki’s heavy dead eyed stare. The conversation was stilted most of the time, becoming more relaxed when they talked about music. Sometimes Sasaki asked him what he thought about a particular piece of music, or Hijikata asked him why he chose to include one. Overall it was odd, but Sasaki never made any comments about the formal arrangements or clothing or touch him.

***

When Sunday came round, Hijikata overslept for the first time in ages. He unglued his bleary eyes, and staggered out of bed and to the bathroom. Later, fumbling around he found his phone and noticed that he had a bunch of new text messages waiting. Most of them from Gintoki, but a couple from Yamazaki, telling him he had made breakfast and saved some in the kitchen for him.

He texted back his replies, then sleepily dressed and brushed out his hair before venturing into the kitchen for his breakfast.

Later on, he was on his way to Gintoki’s place. As he was opening the door to the apartment building, he heard the last voice he expected.

“Isn’t that Hijikata-san… aren’t you dead yet? You look close to it...” came a monotonous drawl.

“Sougo? What are _you_ doing here?” 

Hijikata turned around to see the trim dark blond 17-year-old. He was wearing exercise clothes and worn sneakers and held a long case. Considering his history with martial arts, Hijikata figured it must be a shinai in there, but you never knew with that kid.

“I’m meeting a friend. Nothing to do with you, Hijikata-san.”

“I see. You in a martial art club at school?” They walked into the building together and talked while waiting for the elevator.

“Oh yeah… I’m captain of the kendo club,” Sougo responded in a bored tone. “Actually I’m here to meet with my co-captain. We have a demonstration coming up at the culture festival…. Such a hassle.”

Hijikata pressed the 4th floor button in the elevator, and noticed Sougo’s quick look of surprise. 

“You going to the 4th floor too?”

“Yeah. What a coincidence.”

On the 4th floor, Hijikata was starting to feel a little nervous when Sougo turned down the hallway in the same direction.

“What apartment does your friend live in?”

“Oh he doesn’t live here, but we’re meeting in apartment 403.”

That was Gintoki’s apartment. Hijikata had a sinking feeling.

“You know Sakata?”

“What? You know him too?” A little mischievous light brightened in Sougo’s eyes. “It’s a small world, isn’t it, Hijikata-san…”

“...”

They knocked, and the door was opened quickly by Shinpachi.

“Ah, here you are, Okita-sempai! We’re ready to go here. Oh, hi, Hijikata-san.”

Hijikata looked around as he walked in, but the only people he saw were Shinpachi and Gintoki, who gave him a lazy wave while laying propped on some cushions reading a comic book.

“You know Shinpachi-kun, Sougo?” Hijikata asked.

“Oh yeah, glasses here is my co-captain at kendo club and underclassman. How do you guys know each other?”

Shinpachi was looking at Sougo and Hijikata in turn with big surprised eyes.

“You know each other?”

“Uh, yeah, I went to high school with Sougo’s older sister…” explained Hijikata. 

“Hijikata-san is friends with Gin-san,” added Shinpachi.

“Oh really?” Sougo’s interest was caught, _this is bad_ , thought Hijikata.

“We just happened to run into each other…”

Sougo’s smile was slight, but the familiar diabolical light in his eyes gave Hijikata a shiver. To run into him here of all places… how annoying.

“Hey Sakata, are you asleep over there? Let’s go. C’mon, I ain’t got all day.”

“Sure sure… hold your horses, I just got to the good part here. Ichigo is about to stick his sword in that arrancar’s…”

“We can stop by that cafe with the ice cream set you like… Let’s go.”

“Okay okay, I’m coming…”

In the meantime, Sougo seemed to have lost interest in their exchange and turned to Shinpachi, “So, have you got the demo figured out?”

“Yeah, we get an hour for the kendo club. I think we should have a mix of one-on-one bouts, some katas, and some group demos.” 

“We should have Kimura pair up with Tanaka for one of the bouts. Hayashi is good at katas, so she can demo that, with Yamada. And then I can go up against a group, show ‘em how it’s done…”

“See ya kids!” Hijikata stepped out into the hallway, and Gintoki shut the apartment door behind them while the two teens were engrossed in their discussion.

“Pulling out the heavy artillery, huh? Although I’d never say no to good desserts,” Gintoki grinned, with an appraising look at Hijikata. 

“Just wanted to get outside. Whole week been like a shut-in.”

“You sure it had nothing to do with Soichiro-kun?”

“You mean Sougo? Nothing. He’s been a pest ever since I’ve known him, but nothing I can’t deal with.”

“Did you have something going with his sister? Is he a jealous little brother?”

“Uhh… I’m sure it was nothing like that. Now where do you wanna go?”

Gintoki gave him a look but allowed the change in topic, to Hijikata’s relief.

“You’re the one who wanted out… so you have any ideas? We could go to the arcade or go shoot some pool.”

“Hmm, pool sounds good.”

“Okay. We’ll get my ice cream set first and then hit that lounge down the street.”

***

They had a pool table in the corner, the place was fairly quiet and relaxed on a sunny Sunday afternoon in October. Gintoki set down his cue and picked up his drink, watching Hijikata take his turn. He hadn’t said anything, but his friend looked tired and worn out, dark circles showing under his eyes. He seemed relaxed now at least, so Gintoki decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Hijikata lined up his shot, sliding the cue back smoothly, then as he hit the ball, his arm seemed to twinge and he swore as the shot went awry. The ball rolled off-target and hit another ball weakly without much effect.

“What was that? You won’t beat me with that weak sauce game…” Gintoki started teasing, but trailed off. Hijikata was rubbing his shoulder and looked like he was in pain. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. My shoulders have been getting sore lately, but it’s not a big deal. We can keep playing.” 

“Huh.. If you say so. Looks like you might need a break…”

“I can’t. Well, maybe after the recital next week…”

“Yeah…. Hey, I just remembered, there’s a new movie out, and I’ve heard good things. Wanna check it out?” Gintoki hoped Hijikata wouldn’t be too proud to back off from an activity that was obviously painful.

“Okay, sure, if you want. Sorry I’m off my game here.”

They spent the late afternoon at the movie theater, watching some forgettable sci-fi flick with lots of explosions and aliens smashing buildings. Afterwards they got some takeout food and came back to Gintoki’s apartment, only to find Shinpachi, Kagura, and Okita locked in a tense competition in a fighting video game. They were yelling and so focused on the characters on screen that they didn’t even notice the new arrivals right away. Gintoki and Hijikata exchanged amused glances and quietly sat down in the back of the room, watching the contest as they ate their noodles.

Listening to the bickering teens, their banter and laughter, Gintoki was about to challenge Hijikata to a videogame duel. Looking over, he saw his friend frowning, hunched over his phone.

“Hey, I better head home… it's a school night, and I have classes in the morning.”

“Let’s see if you can beat my special move first.”

“Maybe another time…”

“What’s this, Hijikata-kun is too chicken to go up against the amazing undefeated Gin-san?”

“I said no. You might have all the time to waste screwing around with videogames, but I have work to do. I’m leaving.” He quickly got his things and the door swung shut behind him.

“...” Gintoki was a little stunned by Hijikata’s outburst. His friend was sometimes moody, but generally calm and collected. What was going on with him?

“Now that’s more like the Hijikata-san I know,” commented Okita.

“Oh?”

“He used to always lose his shit over stupid stuff. Back in the countryside…” his eyes looked far away.

“Did it have anything to do with you pranking him?” asked Shinpachi.

“Who, me?” deadpanned Okita with innocently widened eyes, the sweet expression instantly destroyed with a leer. “That guy is so earnest, it’s impossible not to. He’d try to act above it all, like he doesn’t give a shit about anyone, but poke him a little, and all hell breaks loose. It was kind of fun...”

“Weren’t you just a kid back then? How come you weren’t playing with your own classmates?” Gintoki eyed him skeptically.

“Oh, he was always around somehow… Always hanging around my big sis. Hey, China, I bet you couldn’t handle the mass fighting stage, I’m gonna whoop your ass.”

“Bring it on aru! I’m not losing to the likes of you,” Kagura’s aura ignited at the challenge.

Gintoki let the change in topic pass without comment. While the kids played, he picked up a recent issue of Jump and sat there wondering about what happened between Okita’s sister and Hijikata. Did they date? Were they still an item? But Hijikata never mentioned her, and didn’t seem like he was involved with anyone. Why did he care anyway, it’s not like the guy showed the slightest interest in him. But Gintoki couldn’t help but be bothered at how worn down Hijikata seemed. He hoped it would take a turn for the better after he was done with that recital he was so stressed about. Time slipped along, and soon enough Shinpachi and Okita left to go home. It was a school night after all.

***

By mid-week the following week, it was almost routine to come to Sasaki’s house, studying and practicing in the lush Rose room. Hijikata had been trying not to think about how he left things with Gintoki, he could not afford this kind of emotional attachment when he needed to focus on his training. He couldn’t waste so much time on frivolous things. Even if they were fun. Especially because they were. As Sasaki said, they were a dangerous distraction, something to be discarded. As the recital and competitions were drawing closer, the man had taken to sending him text message reminders to keep him on track. It was annoying, but effective.

On the last day before the recital Hijikata was taking a break from practicing. His shoulders were aching again, so he set the cello down and got up to stretch. He flexed his toes, sinking them into the soft red carpet, trying to relieve the tension. As he moved around the room trying to loosen up, his glance fell on the grand piano, gleaming white in the corner.

He walked over and sat on the piano bench, opening up the keyboard and trailing his hand over the keys. He hadn’t really played since passing his school entrance audition. Basic competency on the piano was required, but it really wasn’t his best instrument. He was rusty, but he wanted to take a break from the usual cello studies. A simple piece would do, a piece he had played many times before. He started idly plunking at the keys, hesitantly and slowly, listening to the softly echoing notes like distinct droplets of water on a surface of a still pond. _Für Elise_ , such a basic staple for a piano student, and he played meditatively as he remembered. Mitsuba’s soft honey colored eyes, her small hand tucked under her chin, as she listened to him play. Hijikata was still in high school then. Going to university and studying music was a distant dream. Back then he could dream about a future with this gently smiling girl. And now his hands remembered the shape of the beautiful solemn melody on the piano keyboard, and his heart remembered the wrenching pain, and he played. 

***

That evening Yukiko came to get him for the bath, but seemed quieter than usual, barely saying a word, watching him tensely. Hijikata thought it was a little strange, but said nothing about it. In the bathing area that day there was some special incense burning, a slightly sweet scent of sandalwood mixed with something he couldn’t identify filling the air. In his tired state he leaned his head back against the wall, as he was lying in the bath, and fell asleep.

He woke up to the soft voice of the maid, and a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently but insistently. He was groggy and only half-awake when she brought him to the other room to change for dinner. He thought there was something out of the ordinary about the outfit that was laid out and waiting, but didn’t resist as she dressed him. The colors and the floral pattern of the outer kimono were brighter than the somber hued kimonos he wore before. Some sort of lavender flowers on a brighter blue background. He didn’t know what they were called. The sleeves hung a bit longer too. It wasn’t until Yukiko wrapped and fastened the obi around his middle that it hit him.

“What is this? Is this a woman’s kimono?” he asked her in confusion.

“It was the outfit selected by the master,” she said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

He waited for further explanations, but there were none. It was just bizarre. He looked around, but his own clothes were nowhere in sight.

“Where are my clothes? What’s going on here?”

But the maid had no answers, wringing her hands and looking down silently. He decided to take it up with Sasaki, since it seemed to be his orders that resulted in this strange situation. He flipped his loose hair back and strode down the hallway. Or at least, walked as quickly as the narrower woman’s kimono allowed. His head still felt heavy from falling asleep, and his nose was still full of the strange sweet scent of the incense.

He forcefully slid the paper screen open and stepped abruptly into the room usually set up for dinner. Sasaki was already there, and his normally sallow face paled even more as he looked up and saw Hijikata in the doorway.

“Please explain why I have to wear women’s clothes. I am not some dress-up doll or plaything!”

“It was a mistake.” 

Sasaki swiftly stood and crossed the room without taking his eyes off Hijikata. There was almost a look of sadness in his usually expressionless stare. Suddenly, he grasped a handful of Hijikata’s hair, brought it to his face, and inhaled deeply. The scent of sweet incense still clung to it, instead of the usual cigarette smoke. Hijikata struck his hand aside, furious.

“Go,” Sasaki said. Then, raising his voice, “Yukiko-chan, get Hijikata-san’s things for him. And assist him in changing, if he wishes...” 

Too angry to say a word, Hijikata turned sharply and went back to get changed. The man was acting strange, but perhaps it really was an honest mistake. Hijikata felt much better once he put back on his familiar and comfortable casual pants and a light long-sleeve sweater. Calming down, he tied his hair back and went back to the other room.

“Do you want me to leave now?” he asked.

“....No. You have earned your dinner. I would not deny you hospitality for a mistake that is my responsibility. Please, sit.” After a pause, “you may smoke in here, if you wish.”

A little surprised, Hijikata pulled out a cigarette and lit up. All this strangeness had been getting on his nerves, and he inhaled deeply to soothe it away and get rid of the alien fragrance in his hair at the same time. Feeling more like himself, he eyed the professor gloomily, wondering what craziness might happen next. The rest of the dinner proceeded as usual, if more quietly. Nothing more was said about the mix-up with the clothes. Eventually Hijikata packed up his things, loaded them onto the cargo rack on his bike and went home. Tomorrow was the big day, the recital and the start of the culture festival.


	5. The dreadful day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in posting, the last couple of weeks I had a lot to deal with IRL... But going forward, I should have a little more time and will continue with new chapters. 
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read this fic!

_Late October_

Hijikata was woken up by the shrill beeping of his alarm clock. The room was dim on this cloudy October morning, although he was grateful that there were no bright sunbeams hitting his eyes. Rubbing his hand over his aching head he rolled out of bed and shuffled his way to the bathroom. He felt no energy, and the thought of the fall university festival and the recital in a few hours filled him with dread. 

He went to the kitchen and got his morning cup of coffee. The plain black coffee tasted even more bitter than usual in the empty silent kitchen. Yamazaki was already gone, no surprise there. His clinical shifts started at some ungodly early hour, even by Hijikata’s standards, and he was no layabout either. Hijikata didn’t envy the intense schedule in the medical residency program. 

His stomach too unsettled for a real breakfast, he choked down some toast with mayo and went on to prepare for the day.

Listlessly he opened up his cello case to check over the instrument and have a little warmup practice. Taking out the bow and setting it aside, he plucked the strings and grimaced at the out-of-tune sound. How did it manage to lose the tuning sitting in the case for a day? He pulled out the tuning fork and fiddled with the pegs to get the instrument back in tune. As he sat there, running his fingers over the lacquered surface of the cello and the neck worn smooth over the years, he thought back to the first day he had ever touched it.

***

_Almost eight years ago_

He’d been looking forward to seeing Tamegoro all day. They had been living at his apartment in Tokyo for a couple of years, and Toshiro couldn’t be happier. He finally got to live with someone who wanted him around, unlike the years before. He had never known his mother. Instead, his step-mother could not bear the sight of him, who looked too much like his father, but had the uncanny blue eyes of his mother the mistress. So his earliest childhood was spent with an old nanny, and then a parade of relatives pressured by the head of the family to take him in, but never for too long. Only so much burden they could take on, they had their own children and worries, don’t you know. These were so-called homes he had known until his big brother got his own place in the city and took Toshiro away to live with him. He must have been around 10 by then.

He was impatient all that day at school, watching the May sky. Then he had classroom cleaning duty. He was going as fast as possible, cleaning the blackboard, and in his haste he dropped the eraser and got chalk dust all over his black school uniform jacket. Then sweeping the floor, he zoomed around the classroom, not bothering to clean under each desk as usual.

“It’s not like you to be in such a rush, Hijikata-kun. Are you doing something special after school today?” asked one of his classmates. 

“Not really, just meeting up with my big brother.” _For my birthday…_ But he wasn’t used to volunteering any more information than necessary to other kids at school, or teachers, or anyone else really. They were never around long enough to matter anyway.

Soon he was finished, and he practically ran down the hall to his locker to change his shoes and be on his way home. This was a place he really thought of as home. Because this was where big brother lived.

Once he got to their apartment, he tidied up, and thought about what to do until Tamegoro came home from work. He decided to practice his cello. It was a cheap old student instrument they found second-hand even before Toshiro came to live with Tamegoro. He had loved the sound and timbre of cello and wanted to learn, but who would get such an expensive instrument for a mere 9 year old kid to learn on, when he might get tired of it after a month. Still he was determined to become a great cellist. He practiced and practiced, even if this instrument didn’t sound all that good, no matter how hard he tried.

Soon enough he heard the long awaited sound at the door and jumped up in excitement.

“I’m home!”

“Welcome back,” Toshiro said with a big smile.

“Are you ready for your big surprise?” his brother said.

“Ah.. yeah, sure, but you didn’t have to do anything like that!”

“It’s not every day that is such a special day.” He was carrying a large bundle into the living room, and Toshiro followed silently, his fingertips tingling.

“Happy birthday, Toshiro. It's hard to believe you're 13 already. I’m so glad you’ve been with me these past three years. I hope this helps you capture some of your dreams, you have more than earned it.”

He helped Toshiro unwrap the bundle, the boy’s heart beating wildly as it was revealed. A beautiful antique cello in its case. He looked at it reverently, barely daring to breathe.

“Th- this is amazing… is it really for me? It must have cost a fortune!”

“Don’t worry about that. Of course it’s for you. Come on, try it out.”

Toshiro brought the instrument out carefully, his eyes drinking in the beautiful quality of the carving, the smooth golden brown lacquered wood. He had never touched an instrument of this quality before. He fitted the endpin on, then checked the tuning. Finally he checked over and tightened the bow. Then he looked over to Tamegoro and swallowed, his throat dry. Receiving an encouraging nod and smile, he held his breath as he played a few notes on the new cello, his heartbeat loud in his ears. There was no comparison, the sweetness of the sound was miles beyond what his beaten up old cello ever produced.

“Wow…” he whispered and went on to play for a few minutes before he came back to notice his brother still standing there watching him. “It’s beautiful, thank you so much.”

“I’m glad. It really suits you, you know. But now, let’s go out and celebrate! I’m taking you out for a nice birthday dinner.”

It was a happy evening filled with warmth and quiet laughter. A precious memory to cherish and hide away for safekeeping. But as often in life, what one hand gives, the other takes away. And so it was a few days later, with an uncomfortable expression, Tamegoro sat Toshiro down and explained that their father expected him to go to America to manage certain family interests there. That no, he didn't know how long he would be gone. And no, Toshiro could not come with him. But he would write and visit as often as he could. And there was a cousin twice removed that Toshiro was to go live with. A tense week of preparations and then, just like that, Toshiro was back to living with distant relatives who barely tolerated him. He kept hoping that Tamegoro would return soon, but weeks turned into months then years, with only letters and occasional calls. At least he had his brother's gift on that last birthday together, the only thing of value he ever had to keep.

*** 

_present day_

Hijikata got up on stage with a nervous jittery feeling. He fiddled with his shirt collar, as he couldn't seem to get enough air. It was odd. He'd played his cello in recitals and performances plenty of times before, but today just felt off. Like nothing good could come of it, like something bad was about to happen. He gave himself a mental shake, squared his shoulders and walked over to the prepared seat. Once he started playing it would be fine, he thought. It has to be. He bowed, sat down, and tried to settle the cello into a comfortable position.

As he got ready to play, his guts twisted, and he could feel a light sweat prickle his brow. He put the bow to the strings and started the piece. The lights felt overly bright, and his vision blurred slightly. It was fine, since he had the music memorized and didn’t need to look at the sheet music. He took a breath and brought his focus back to his instrument. When he reached an intense section and sped up, his vaguely aching shoulder have a little ping. A blinding pain stopped him short. With a loud twang, a string snapped. His left hand was left stinging as he sat, frozen in shock. The bow fell forgotten to the floor from numb fingers.

It took a moment to come back from the daze. He'd never broken a string like this. No, not like this. He remembered the string cut once before, and the bottom fell out of his stomach.

Blinking, he looked up at the professors in the front of the audience, and all he could see was frowns of disapproval. Taking in a choking breath, he bent down awkwardly to pick up the bow. 

"I- I'm sorry... M- may I have a moment to change strings?"

Silence.

Then, "Hijikata-san. The schedule does not allow additional time, the others all should have their turn." The Dean's voice sounded distant and a little scratchy. Like an old vinyl record.

Fighting off the darkness around the edges of his vision, Hijikata got to his feet. His hands shook a little as he carried his instrument off stage, gripping a little too hard, as if afraid to drop it. It took him longer than usual to change the strings, his fingers still feeling numb and awkward. The rest of the recital passed in a dazed blur. He sat through it on autopilot, favoring his shoulder.

Afterwards, Sasaki barely looked at him as he walked past him on the way out of the performance hall.

“I certainly hope you can do better than that and I haven’t been wasting time on you.” Hijikata was left blinking at his tall straight back, as the professor swept out of the room.

“A good effort, Hijikata-san. There will be days like this,” came his old teacher’s kinder voice.

“Ah, hello, Abe-sensei. Thank you… sorry for disrupting things like that.”

“Is your hand okay? It looked like that string breaking must have hurt.” Another unexpected voice, as Nakamura, the department secretary, joined in the conversation.

“It’s nothing, Nakamura-san, sorry to cause you concern.” Hijikata rubbed his hand unconsciously. It was still sore, but the string didn’t break the skin.

“I was impressed you stayed so calm. I’ve seen many a student completely lose composure after something like that,” Nakamura said.

“Uh, it was nothing impressive…”

“You can tell Hijikata-san has plenty of experience performing. He’s always calm and collected,” said Abe. “Such a pro musician already, I’m sure your family is so proud. I heard they are great patrons of the arts,” she smiled. 

“Uh, I guess so. I think my step-mother might be…” Hijikata trailed off, as Nakamura looked curiously.

“Hah, maybe you can ask her to make a donation to our department,” he chuckled lightly.

“Another one? I doubt it...”

“Oh, that’s right. How could I have forgotten,” Nakamura shook his head, smiling.

“By the way, Hijikata-san, I was cleaning my office and found some notes of yours,” his old teacher said. “They looked like something you were composing, so I didn’t throw them out. Could you come by my office and get them? I can meet you around 3.” 

“Thanks, I’ll come by. I should be done with everything for the festival by then.”

Hijikata spent a few more minutes talking, then made his excuses to leave. After the ordeal he was hoping to take a quiet break, take some painkillers, and get some ice for his hand before he had to go to his chamber ensemble performance and then to help out with some other events for the university festival. So he was a bit surprised to see Yamazaki and the two Okita siblings surround him when he stepped out the door.

"Hijikata-san, nice performance! I mean until you hit the tough break." Yamazaki was cheerful and a little awkward as always, giving him a little smile.

"If only I could have gotten there earlier, I could have rigged the strings to do something more interesting." Sougo drawled in a casual pose.

"Sou-chan!” Mitsuba chided. “Besides, we were running late because you overslept," she said with a gentle smile. 

“What are you guys doing here? I didn’t know you were coming…” said Hijikata.

“It was nice to see you play, Toshiro-kun. And your university festival is more fun than ours at the medical school. Let's check it out! That looks like a cafe over there, why don't we get some drinks."

Mitsuba hadn’t changed since high school, except her honey colored hair was cut short now. They didn’t see each other much these days, as she was a busy medical student, and he too was busy with studies and work. 

Hijikata still felt a little light headed, so after a quick smoke break he decided to get a coffee with the others. Not surprisingly Mitsuba got the men in hand quickly, and soon they were picking drinks at the little student-run cafe. Sougo gallantly offered to carry the drinks for everyone. In his mental fog, Hijikata was just a little too slow to prevent him from putting his cup on a tray along with everyone else's to take to their table. Maybe it'll be okay this time, he thought belatedly, watching the innocent looking teen like a hawk. He took a sip carefully, and his face went red and sweaty, his mouth and throat felt on fire. He felt like steam was coming out of his ears in anger. When did that kid manage to sneak hot sauce in his coffee!? _I should have known!_ It was still just like high school after all, when Sougo first started playing these stupid pranks. 

"What have you done to my coffee, you little shit!" Hijikata yelled and jumped to his feet to grab the offender. Sougo rolled his eyes as he dodged lazily and ran, with Hijikata giving chase.

"They’re lively as always," commented Yamazaki as he sipped his tea.

"Yes, I can always count on Sou-chan to cheer up Toshiro-kun. He looked like he needed it.”

“He’s a very serious person. It’s nice in a roommate actually, he makes sure we keep the apartment really clean…” Yamazaki chuckled. “Nice to see him relax sometimes though. That reminds me, we haven’t had a social gathering in a long time. Will you be organizing the next student mixer?”

“Oh, it’s been so busy lately, but I think we will have one before winter break. I’ll see if I can get Toshiro-kun to go, you know how he is. Last time he joined us was almost a year ago… But at least that time at the beginning of our first year, he did manage to score you for a roommate,” she laughed.

“Hah, well, I think he preferred finding a roommate to a date, so it worked out well all around.”

“What are you two plotting over here? I’m not going on any more blind dates,” declared Hijikata, coming back to the table slightly out of breath.

“Ah-haha, nothing like that!” Yamazaki replied.

“Anyway, I have to go get ready for the chamber ensemble performance. Thanks for coming by! Have fun with the festival.”

“Have a good performance! We’ll come and listen,” said Mitsuba.

“See ya!”

As Hijikata looked at his watch, he realized he was running a little late for the meeting with the ensemble. He made his way through the crowd of festival visitors, students, parents, prospective students, and a variety of people, as quickly as he could. A glimpse of red hair caught his eye, and he turned his head. The young man with a red braid he had seen arguing with Dean Suzuki at the reception a month ago was walking purposefully in the other direction. _What’s he doing here?_ Hijikata wondered and looked at his watch again. He wanted to follow the guy and find out what was going on, but he had to get to the ensemble performance. He couldn’t screw up again today. But the feeling of dread he’d had since morning would not go away.

***

By mid-afternoon Hijikata was done with the university festival, so done. Fortunately, he had finished all his performances, and finished helping set up for the play as he had promised. No more commitments, he was ready to go home and crash. But then he remembered that he was supposed to pick up some notes from Abe-sensei’s office. 

As he was walking up to the front doors of the administrative building he thought he saw movement by the side door. Turning he saw someone's black-clad back and a long red braid, as the figure left the building. He shrugged and kept going into the building. Inside was deserted and quiet, as most of the faculty and administrative staff were at the festival.

Hijikata walked along the hallway on his way to the professor’s office, when he heard a crashing noise. Worried, he hurried in the direction of the sound. The door of the Dean's office was open with some papers spilled out over the threshold, and he almost ran over. He was horrified when he saw inside the office. The place was a mess. Papers were strewn across the floor, heavy mahogany chairs overturned, some fragments and metal statues from the Dean's collection scattered around the room. But the most terrible thing was the old man himself, lying on the floor, unmoving. Hijikata ran over and checked his pulse. It was weak but still there. Relieved, he pulled out his phone and called an ambulance. Then he called the campus security, quickly describing the situation.

After hanging up, he called the Dean's name and tried to wake him up, but got no response. All he could do was wait. Soon he heard footsteps running. The first to arrive were security guards along with Nakamura. The secretary looked pale and shocked to see his boss in such a state. He looked around listlessly, and then pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his brow. After a moment Nakamura bent down and picked up something off the floor.

“It's his medicine,” he said, distraught. “He should have his medicine…” 

Crumpling his handkerchief, Nakamura twisted the box in his hands nervously, opening and closing it distractedly.

“Let's put it back in his pocket,” Hijikata suggested, “in case he needs it later.”

The paramedics soon arrived and bundled Suzuki onto a stretcher to take him away. Nakamura walked with them, describing the old man's heart condition as they went. Drawn by all the commotion, Abe-sensei also came running, full of concern, asking after Suzuki and what had happened. 

In the meantime the security guards were having a tense discussion at the door to the office.

“It's an internal matter.”

“But, it looks like there may have been an assault... You don't think the old man did all this, do you?”

“We should call the head of security before we do anything else...”

Hijikata looked around the room more closely, deep in thought. Something was bothering him, something missing... On one side of the room half of the display case is mostly untouched, while the other side looked like someone took a swing to it with something heavy… Like one of those fallen chairs. His eyes followed the trail of fallen and broken statuettes, then looked back at the display shelves. That day… Suzuki was so proud of his new dancer figurine… it was metal and should not have shattered…. But there was no trace of it. 

“I… think something was stolen,” he said thoughtfully. “Are you going to call the police?”

The security men stared, then one of them gave the other a meaningful look.

“Yes, we are. Just as soon as we finish gathering important information here. As this is a possible crime scene, please stay out of the office. If you would wait here in the hall, the police will want to get your statement, er, Hijikata-san, was it?” The guard walked a few steps and turned away to speak on his radio.

***

After some time of all of them standing quietly and tensely in the hallway, the police arrived. A trim woman with short dark hair and a neat suit introduced herself as detective Sato. She looked at Hijikata with piercing eyes, as she listened to his account and wrote quickly in her little notebook.

"Did you see anyone else here when you were approaching the office?"

“No... Just Dean Suzuki... Almost everyone was at the festival. Although after I called security, Nakamura-san and Abe-sensei came along as well. Also... I think I saw someone leaving the building a few minutes before. "

"What can you tell me about them?"

"I only got a brief look at their back, but I noticed a long black coat and red hair in a long braid..."

"I see.”

They were interrupted by another police officer walking over to Detective Sato and whispering urgently in her ear. She looked grave, nodded to the man and turned back to Hijikata.

“We just got word from the hospital that Suzuki-san died.”

“Oh…”

“We are now investigating not only a potential robbery and assault, but also his death. You were the first at the scene, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Now tell me again, how did you come to be here at the administrative building at this time?"

And on and on. He must have had to answer endless questions and repeat his whole story at least three times. By the time they finished collecting his information and let him go, Hijikata was exhausted. He pocketed the detective's name card and trudged on his way home. The events of the day kept turning this way and that in his head. The Dean had not looked out of the ordinary earlier at the festival. And he had his medicine. What could have happened in his office? He felt sure the red-haired kid had something to do with it. But who was he?


	6. Old friends, new friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been sick and way off schedule on everything. My apologies for delays in posting more chapters, and I'm not sure I'll be able to post as fast as I planned, but here is a new chapter, and more are on the way. Onward, brave readers!

_Early November_

Kondo and Hijikata were sitting in Kondo’s living room, sipping beers. It had been some time since they had spent any time together, not counting the hectic times that they saw each other for work, organizing and performing at events. Kondo split his time between the ensemble he ran and his job at the recording studio as a studio musician. More recently he had been getting extra responsibilities helping coordinate and manage recording sessions as well. Hijikata would often help Kondo herd the assortment of cats that was his ensemble, to line up the gigs, form some coherent groups of musicians, get them to practice, and then to show up to the scheduled event, and run the performance to the customers’ satisfaction. Hijikata was good at organizing and keeping the others in line and on time, not an easy feat with a bunch of prima donna musicians. 

“So Toshi! It's so good to just hang out, it’s been so long. What have you been up to?”

“Oh, mostly school stuff…”

“You look tired, is it going okay?”

“Well, the university festival was a lot of work... And then the head of our department died... There is a police investigation now. Looks like my advisor is taking over running the department. You could say things have been a little crazy.”

“Woah, that's a lot to deal with. Why police? Did someone kill the guy?”

“They are looking into the possibility... There was some suspicious stuff going on at the time.”

“But how are you doing really? Don't clam up on me.”

“Everything is fine.” Kondo gave him a meaningful look. “Uhh, the recital was a bit rocky. I broke a string. Well, my arm and shoulder were kind of acting up.”

“Have you had trouble with them other times?”

“A little, now and then. It’s no big deal…”

“How long has it been going on?”

“Uh, I don't know, a few months... It wasn't that bad, nothing I can't handle.”

“Toshi... You should really take care of yourself. Did something happen, like, did you hurt your arm? Or did you up your practicing hours?”

“I don't remember hurting it... But I have been playing more. My advisor gives me more work than the previous teacher. And there is a lot to do to prepare for recitals and competition this fall,” he shrugged.

“Sounds like you might have strained something… I know you work hard, but right now, you should really back down a little, give your body a chance to recover. Unless you want to have the same thing happen at the next competition or performance. Maybe you should have Yamazaki take a look at it, that’s his speciality after all.” Kondo gave him that concerned look he could never resist.

“I’ll try, Kondo-san...” Hijikata scratched his arm self-consciously.

***

_4 years ago_

“Oh, there’s somebody I want you to meet! Let me see when he’s free, and I’ll take you over to see a very good friend of mine,” said Mitsuba on a rainy day halfway through their first year of high school.

“Oh really? Why?”

“You’ll see! And now I want the rest of my tea.”

A few days later he was riding the bus with Mitsuba to meet her mysterious friend.

“We’re almost there. Kondo-san is a good friend, I’ve known him practically half my life. So, I hope you two get along.”

“I see,” nodded Toshiro.

They walked up to a neat compact-looking house, with a motorcycle parked out front. The door opened soon after Mitsuba knocked. 

“Mitsuba-san! It’s good to see you! Come in, come in,” came a loud cheerful voice. “I’m Kondo Isao, you must be the friend she was telling me about.”

Kondo was big and tall with a big smile on his plain face, and his handshake was as hearty and firm as his greeting.

“Hijikata, Toshiro. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Come into the living room. Sorry it’s a little messy - I was practicing and lost track of time before you came.”

In the living room was a piano with several piles of sheet music on top and around it, as well as a guitar, and several cases for what looked like wind instruments.

“Are you a musician, Kondo-san?”

“Oh yes, I’m finishing up the training to be a studio musician, so I play a few different instruments. Are you interested in music?”

“I guess so… I used to be anyway.”

“Have you considered joining the music club at school? That’s a great way to try it out and get some instruction too. I teach piano lessons too.”

And so it began. They chatted about music, then about motorcycles and other things. Kondo’s warmth and good humor charmed Toshiro despite his prickliness. 

Since his brother Tamegoro left to live overseas, when he was about 13, Toshiro was forced back into moving from relative to relative. Forced to endure the whispers about the bastard, the disinherited by-blow no one wanted. Sometimes behind his back and sometimes to his face. No wonder he had temper problems. In junior high school he was constantly picking fights. Maybe he hoped his fists would help quiet or at least distract him from the rage that burned inside. A gym teacher at one of the schools got him to join the school karate club. It helped him stay more focused and calm, and made him better at fighting too, but he still picked fights, gave beatings and received them. Often he would walk around sporting bruises and bandaged up cuts. The physical pain of the injuries was better than the hollow burning ache inside. The fighting became yet another excuse for relatives to send him on his way. Who needed to put up with a violent delinquent, on top of all their other worries and obligations. He lost track in those three years, lost track of everything light that he cared about. He all but stopped playing his musical instruments. The only solace he had were the occasional letters from Tamegoro. 

And then, after he finished junior high school, he decided that it had to stop. He left the family and found his own place in a small rural town. He got a part-time job, and Tamegoro sent him some money to help support him when he found out. He didn’t have to deal with them anymore, it was a relief, Toshiro told himself. But high school wasn’t much easier. He tried to be studious, but outside of school he still couldn’t help but get into fights. It was either say nothing and provoke other troublemakers with his thorny silence and “attitude”, or his “girly” long hair, or, if he opened his mouth, it was to rile up the bullies, and he didn’t know how to back down and talk his way out of the fight. And honestly he didn’t care to. 

After he met Mitsuba and Kondo, things started to change… Toshiro began hanging out with Kondo and got back into music studies. He even let them convince him to join the school music club his second year of high school. As he got back to playing the cello, it was like rediscovering a long lost friend, a little like returning home, and some long-forgotten good memories of his childhood with Tamegoro unfurled unbidden like bright blossoms in his mind. A winter afternoon when he was about 10, watching the afternoon shadows grow longer, as he practiced scales on his old crappy cello. Warming his hands on a cup of hot chocolate afterwards and laughing about something with his brother. An August morning, and the smell of grass and muggy sunshine, as they walked along a cracked asphalt path to the music shop to get new strings, jumping across cracks as if he were a child again. 

In the school music club and with Kondo, Toshiro learned new music and practiced, working to improve this skill his brother admired. Kondo’s voice grew excited talking about expressing himself through the music, about not just following the written notation mechanically or playing as fast as possible. Kondo told him to listen to his heart and play to express what was there, his eyes earnest. Toshiro couldn’t help but get carried along with the man’s passion, nodding thoughtfully.

Kondo also taught him to play piano properly. Apparently it was part of the requirement to get into any decent music school. Kondo urged him to apply, although Toshiro wasn’t sure yet that was what he was going to do after graduating high school. Either way, he enjoyed spending time with Kondo and his good-natured prodding. He grew to rely on him like a second big brother. 

***

_present_

“By the way, Mitsuba-san mentioned some new friend of yours.”

“Oh yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. He's an amazing guitarist. I mean, seriously top caliber. Although he’s completely lazy and unmotivated… I honestly don’t know what to think.”

“Oh? What's his name? He must be really new if I haven't heard of him and he's as good as you say.”

“Sakata Gintoki.”

“Oh. Sakata, huh…”

“You know him?”

“I’ve heard of him, never met him though. He’s kind of a special case. A few recording companies have approached him hoping to sign him on, but he’s turned down every one of them. Last I heard, he’s kickin’ around freelancing small gigs here and there. Kind of a waste for that kind of talent. And with his father’s help he could have any deal he wanted.”

“Huh… he doesn’t seem interested in commercial success. If it were just laziness… But he doesn’t want to use his father’s influence either.”

“You’ve played with him, right? Is he as good as they say?”

“I don’t know what they say, but I’d never heard anyone play like that. It’s.. it’s changed how I think about playing myself… Although… there is not much room for new ideas in the classical repertoire.”

“You really believe that? Music is a living thing, even if it was written a long time ago. Even the classics can be reinterpreted with new ideas.” 

“I guess so…”

“So… you’ve been spending time with him? Most people don’t even know you play guitar, so I’m a bit surprised you’ve gotten so close. I mean, it’s great, don’t get me wrong.” Kondo scratched his head with a grin. “He must be a pretty special guy to get you to open up like that.”

“What do you mean? We’re not close...” 

Hijikata frowned as he thought about all the times he had spent in Gintoki’s company. He had to admit that he had fun with the seemingly indifferent and lazy guy. Sometimes they argued, and Hijikata got aggravated at his backwards and disorganized rambling, but they actually had many things in common. Gintoki often pushed him beyond his comfort zone, getting him to try something new, but it was never forced. That crooked grin always seemed to make his day brighter. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how dull and dreary the recent weeks had been, which coincided, among other things, with not seeing Gintoki. He regretted that last time they spent time together, they parted after some harsh words. Perhaps Hijikata should test it out and check if seeing Gintoki would make a difference. If he was like everybody else, one way or the other would have no effect on Hijikata’s life. Then he could just keep going as he always had and not worry about some sort of new emotional entanglement that would end badly, as most of them did. His mind shied away from the alternatives.

Kondo gave him a big grin. “You should bring him over sometime, it’d be fun to jam all together.”

“Uh, yeah, sure. But I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Maybe you should try inviting him to one of your performances. Has he heard you play cello?”

“No…” 

Hijikata realized he hadn’t even told Gintoki that he played cello. But inviting him to a performance, wasn’t that a bit much? Letting him into that whole side of his life, it felt like it would be a change, a step forward in some kind of relationship. Did they have a relationship? He thought of the other’s grin, sometimes mocking, sometimes cheerful. Did he feel drawn to that slacker? Hijikata had a strange feeling when he thought about him, but was there any reason to risk opening up more to him? He didn’t really need more friends. He didn’t need another potential betrayal of trust. He felt lighter laughing and playing with Gintoki. But was that a good enough reason to change things? He wasn’t sure.

“Well, I’m thinking I’d like to meet him sometime.” Kondo said, breaking his train of thought. “Oh man, did I tell you about the last gig? The new guy was a walking disaster. We would have been toast if it weren’t for Saito…” And he went on to recount stories, as the evening went by.

***

_A couple weeks later - mid-November_

"Hey, I'm hungry. Wanna go get some ramen?" Gintoki asked.

"Yeah, sounds good." Hijikata put away his guitar and went to get his coat. It wasn't too cold yet, but cool enough for jackets, on the cusp between fall and winter.

They walked out of Gintoki's apartment into a windy early evening, clouds racing in the approaching dusk. A sudden gust blew Hijikata's long ponytail all about, loosening some parts, and he spat out some hair, annoyed, "Maybe I'll really cut it short one of these days..." he grumbled.

Gintoki hoped he wouldn't, as he rather liked the lush glossy locks, not that he could say that out loud. It had been months, but he still could not get up the courage to say anything to his friend. That he liked him. A bit more than just a friend should. 

They had hung out a lot over the summer, while Hijikata had been on break from school, enjoying the easy banter and companionship, and of course, music. Gintoki's part-time jobs didn't keep him too busy, so they spent time in parks and cafes, and at the beach. He smiled, remembering sitting side by side on the sand, the setting sun coloring everything a warm orange, listening to the sound of the waves as they bumped shoulders. Running around the empty beach under the stars at night, like careless little kids, and then laughing breathlessly after they collapsed on the sand. He couldn’t remember how it started, probably him teasing Hijikata and running off with this mayo-flavored snacks, it didn’t really matter. Then in the fall his classes started up again, and for a while Hijikata had been so busy and distant, they barely saw each other. Now though, something changed again, and he seemed more relaxed again, more willing to come over and jam. He looked less exhausted somehow.

Gintoki had gone out with people before plenty of times, male and female. He enjoyed sex and was comfortable drawing people in with his easy charm and then letting go before any commitments would tie him down. He’d started out thinking that way about Hijikata too. For the first time though, he thought he didn’t want Hijikata to be just another fun romp to play with and leave behind. Although, it would be fun. He considered his friend’s lithe body surreptitiously, the strong legs, muscular ass (thank spirits, gods, and buddha for that bicycle!), narrow waist, wide shoulders, and expressive hands with long fingers. He wondered how flexible Hijikata might be. He daydreamed about those steel blue eyes glowing with passion, the long dark eyelashes trembling, as he would get up close and personal... Oops, he looked away fanning himself. 

They came to the small ramen shop and sat down, waiting for their orders to be filled.  
“So, you’ve been busy with classes, huh…” said Gintoki.

“Yeah. I have classes, plus studio coaching time. And I have to spend a lot of time practicing and going over assigned music. There are more recitals and competitions coming up.”

“Sounds intense.”

Hijikata nodded, glancing sideways at Gintoki.  
“Thing is… Sometimes there is so much assigned music, it’s like, my head is so full of other people’s ideas, I forget what my own sound like. Like I’m just a hollow instrument… a- a machine… this probably makes no sense at all….” he trailed off.

“No.. I think I understand… it’s like you do stuff other people expect you to do, and you think it’s what you want, but then…. You realize that you don’t even know what you want, and all those other voices are talking over your own voice until you don’t even remember what it sounds like…”

They sat silently for a while, then Hijikata spoke again quietly.  
“Yeah. umm… I’ve even thought about leaving the program… once or twice… but, I have to finish what I started. For my brother.”

“Your brother? You’ve mentioned him before, he’s the one you lived with for a while, right?”

“Right, well, he’s my half-brother really. My family situation is... a little complicated…” Hijikata said slowly. “My mom passed away when I was pretty small, too young to remember. I told you I’d moved around a lot as a kid… But I’d always had my big brother, and he always had my back, when he could…” 

Hijikata pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one up with a nervous flick of the lighter. Gintoki waited for him to relax after taking a few moments to smoke.

“Where is he now? You talk like you haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Soon after I started junior high, he moved overseas, to manage some business interests in America. He doesn’t come back to Japan very often, but we get together when he does. He usually doesn’t have much time though.” Hijikata tapped the end of the cigarette with his thumb to shake off the ashes. “When I’m done with school, I can go there too. On tour or maybe look for a job there. Although… I may just stay and work here, I have a gig with a good friend. So, I don’t know…”

They were quiet for a while, before Hijikata spoke again.

“What about you? Do you ever want to go to university? Or become a professional musician? You’re talented enough to make it big.”

“I don’t know about that….” Gintoki propped his chin on his hand and stared into the distance pensively. “My dad.. Well, my adopted dad, is pretty well connected in the music biz. It’s gonna sound stupid, but I don’t want to just be known for being someone’s kid. I wanna make it on my own… not owe anybody anything.”

“Don’t you already owe him? He raised and taught ya, didn’t he?”

“I guess you have a point there. But, I don’t want people to just assume that whatever I do is because of him… like I’m some sort of cheap imitation... you know?”

“I see... Who is he anyway?”

“Uh, you might have heard of him… Shouyou..”

“No way! Really? The musician Shouyou? Of course I’ve heard of him. Never knew he had a kid though.”

“I’m adopted…”

“Still… That man is a living legend, didn’t they talk about inducting him into the Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame? I see what you mean about feeling overshadowed.” Hijikata thoughtfully pressed the remainder of his cigarette into the ashtray, putting it out. “It must have been something, traveling with him around the world, seeing all those places… All that music and excitement…”

“Well, the seamy underbelly of touring life isn’t that glamorous…” Gintoki waved his hand dismissively. “The daily grind gets pretty boring and exhausting actually. But yeah, we had a lot of good times, I met some interesting people in all sorts of places…”

“I guess neither of us had a normal childhood…”

“Heh, I guess not,” Gintoki smirked, pleased at the answering smile on Hijikata’s face, his breath catching a little at the warmth in his eyes. “Hey, wanna go see a show with me?”

“A show? What kind of show?”

“Well, when was the last time you’ve gone to the circus?”

***

A few days later Hijikata was sitting next to Gintoki in the audience of a dimly lit makeshift theatre. Two long purple strips of silk were suspended from the tall tent-like ceiling of the stage area. A lithe figure in a glittering costume was spinning gracefully as it wrapped long muscular limbs in the fabric. Then in a quick breathtaking motion, the figure let go and went into a dizzying spin on the way down, stopping in a graceful pose just short of the floor. The hushed audience broke out into cheering and applause. The aerialist continued the beautiful spins and gyrations with the trailing tails of bright colored silk. The audience stared raptly, until finally the act was finished.

At intermission Gintoki pulled Hijikata into the backstage area, where they saw the glittering figure of the aerial performer among the bustling of other costumed performers and black-clad techs. 

"Hijikata, meet Zura! The one who runs this crazy circus… literally." Gintoki smirked at his own joke.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," the figure turned around. 

Hijikata found himself staring at the man. The tight fitting silvery costume did not leave any doubt about the lean yet athletic masculine body. His dark long hair was piled in a complicated updo, his face elaborately made up with stage makeup and glitter. Lots of glitter.

"Uh, hi, I'm Hijikata."

"Very good to meet you," Katsura replied with a graceful bow.

"Nice performance, is that a new routine, Zura?"

"Thank you, we have to keep things new and exciting to draw in the crowds. That's our creed at the Circus of Joy!"

"Man... We really need to come up with a better name."

"What do you mean! We are the warriors of joy, we will change this dreary world!" Katsura assumed a dramatic pose. "By the way, we’ve missed you, you should rejoin us for the next performance series. But right now I have to get everything ready for the second half of the show. Scram." He waved his hand at Gintoki dismissively.

As they walked back to their seats, Hijikata looked at Gintoki questioningly.

“Oh, I’m sort of part of this circus too… Me and Zura go way back, and I moonlight in some of his shows.” Gintoki scratched his head. If Hijikata didn’t know better, he almost seemed shy.

“What do you do? For the circus, I mean.”

“Oh, I’m sort of a jack of all trades… Sometimes I help with the background music, sometimes I’m part of the acrobatic acts.”

“Acrobatic acts…? You?” Hijikata peered at him skeptically.

“Yeah! Check out Gin-san’s buff muscular body!” Gintoki flexed his arms dramatically.

“Sounds to me like you fill in as the clown…”

“Hah, did you actually make a joke?! That’s a good one,” he laughed.

“...”

Hijikata had been thinking about what was going on between them. That fact alone was strange, as he never bothered much about relating to other people. He had figured backward and forward whether he should invite Gintoki to hear him at the upcoming competition. He still felt conflicted about getting drawn deeper into something, but Gintoki invited him to this show. And then it turned out that it wasn’t just a show, but something much more personal. Hijikata found himself wanting to answer in kind somehow, and that meant he had to invite him. Kondo’s words echoed in his mind.

“Hey…” after a long while Hijikata said. “I, uh, have this thing coming up… a music performance competition. It’s at the Metropolitan Concert Hall, and participants can invite a few people…. So, if you want, uh, you could come see it.”

“Oh really? It’s classical music, right?”

“Yeah… “

“Okay, Gin-san will be there! Poor mayora needs at least one friend to support him after all,” he grinned.

“I have other friends!”

“Uh-huh, a real social butterfly, that’s you,” laughed Gintoki, poking his shoulder and enjoying the indignant response.

“I oughtta give you a good kick in the ass, but that would disturb innocent bystanders,” grumbled Hijikata.

“Excuses, excuses!”

“Oh? You think I can’t get the best of the buff muscular Gin-san?”

“Is that a challenge?”

“You better believe it!”

“Hey, you two, keep it down or we’ll call security,” someone said nearby. 

“Oh fine, I’ll let you off easy this time,” said Gintoki. “Wouldn’t want our little goodie two shoes in trouble with security…”

“Now you’re just askin’ for it, do you really want to get us kicked out of here?”

“Aw, c’mon, I’m just teasing. We can always wrestle later, if you really want…”

“Ugh… you’re hopeless.”

***

Eventually the lights dimmed, and they settled in to watch the rest of the show. There were jugglers, enacting a scene that started as a formal dinner, but ended up something like a food fight. Except instead of making a mess, they caught and juggled the apples, sausages, bread loaves, and plates. It was breathtaking to watch, as Hijikata kept expecting them to drop and shatter things. After a while, a pair of new performers walked on with what looked like more juggling props. One of them had a costume that looked like it was made of cardboard. Huh, that’s a new one, thought Hijikata. They posed to start juggling, but then it became clear that they were clowns, as they pelted each other with custard pies. A food fight after all.

After that there was an act with an impressively fast knife-thrower with lavender hair hitting a target that was still at first, then started to swing on a rope. Finally the knife thrower herself got onto a trapeze and nailed the still moving target with her throwing knives while swinging and in motion herself.

She disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the music changed again. Three muscular young men in skin tight gymnastic outfits with flame patterns walked out on stage carrying what looked like sticks. Hijikata was watching, curious to see what they would do. Something nagged at the back of his mind, as if he were forgetting something. The acrobats did some flips and tumbles, showing off their impressive physique and flexibility. They flipped open their sticks, which turned out to be red umbrellas, and they flipped them around in a dance. Then they climbed up one on top of another and formed a human pyramid. While balancing atop each other, they turned slowly all around. The one on the bottom, holding up the other two, looked very familiar, but Hijikata couldn’t place him. As the music grew in intensity, the blond acrobat on top changed his pose to balance upside down in a handstand and wobbled in the process, so that the one on the ground had to adjust his balance slightly. Seeing the slight tension in his face, combined with the red hair, Hijikata remembered where he had seen him with a jolt.

“Do you know that guy? At the bottom of the pyramid?” he asked.

“The redhead? Yeah, that’s Kamui, little Kagura-chan’s older brother, remember her?” replied Gintoki.

Hijikata felt a chill. But he was involved, it had to be done.

“The police are looking for him, you know…”

“Hah, tell me something new - that kid’s been in trouble his whole life…”

“It might be more serious this time. It’s in connection with someone’s death, and a possible robbery. What a mess… I have to let the police know.”

“Are you sure?”

“If he did something wrong, he has to take responsibility. And if he didn’t… well, the police will sort it out.”

“You’re so naive, Hijikata-kun… They’ll just want to find a likely perp to blame, so they can close the case. You think the police or the government care about actual truth? Hah.”

“Well, either way, they have a photo and they’re looking for him in connection with a case. So it’s only a matter of time.”

“That’s not good… I better warn him after the show. Not the first time he’s had to lay low and wait out the heat.”

“I don’t like this. I’m not going to help you hide a criminal.”

“It’s Kagura-chan’s brother we’re talking about.”

By then the acrobatic act was finished. It seemed the show was over, as all the performers came back out to take their bows on stage. Hijikata frowned in frustration, as he stared at the kid with the red braid. 

As soon as the performers finally took their last bows and retreated backstage, the two of them hurried to find and speak with Kamui. But as they were walking to the doors, Hijikata noticed a sudden movement to the side. Several men in police uniforms were walking purposefully into the area backstage, and he heard loud assertive voices. Exchanging glances with Gintoki, they quickly followed. Only to see Kamui led away, accompanied by the police.


	7. Flirting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the next chapter, and hopefully I will have more time to spare for writing and finish this baby up in the next few months.

_Mid-November_

Gintoki made his way over to Katsura in the hushed crowd of the circus performers.

“What's with the fuzz? Did they arrest Kamui?”

“No... Just took him in for questioning. He didn't look happy about it, but he went quietly enough.”

“Yeah, I can see that... On account of how everyone is still standing.”

“If it goes as usual, they'll ask some questions, threaten him, and then let him go. I doubt they have anything real on him,” Katsura shrugged. “I’ll check on him and get him out of there if we need to.”

Hijikata and Gintoki exchanged doubtful glances.

“I guess that's it then... We’re heading out. Good show.” Gintoki sketched a wave as they left.

“I gotta get back, have some schoolwork to take care of,” Hijikata said. “It was a cool show.”

“Yeah, I'll see ya around then.”

“See ya.”

Just then Hijikata’s phone went off. He frowned at the number as he answered the call.

"Hello, Hijikata speaking.”

He listened to the voice on the other end without expression and responded briefly.

"Oh, detective Sato... I see... Sure, I can be there in the next hour. ... Very well, it's no problem. ... Bye.”

“Was that what I think it was?” said Gintoki.

“Yeah, that was the detective on that case at my conservatory. She wants me to come in and look at a line-up.”

“That was fast.”

“She looked like an efficient type. Wanna come along so you can scope out Kamui’s situation?”

“Sure, why not.”

***

They arrived at the police station, looking around the impressive high ceilinged lobby. Hijikata went over to the front desk and asked for detective Sato. Presently one of the junior officers came along and led them deeper down some hallways. Hijikata was taken into a little room with a large window showing the room next door. After a few minutes a handful of men were led into the other room. Among them Hijikata recognized redhaired Kamui. 

“Can you point out the one you saw arguing with Suzuki-san? Or the one you saw at the administrative building on the day of the death? Just name the number next to the person,” a policeman asked.

“Yes, it’s the same person, number four.”

“Very well, please sign here. Then, you may go.”

On the way out of the room Hijikata asked, “Is Detective Sato around? I wanted to ask her something.”

“Yes, please wait for her in the lobby over there, I’ll let her know.”

Hijikata walked over to the lobby where he saw Gintoki across the large room. Gintoki was talking animatedly with another man, who looked to be in his late twenties, dark-haired and dressed in a sharp suit. With a little start, Hijikata recognized Nakamura from his department at the conservatory. They stood close to each other, with Nakamura leaning a little towards Gintoki, his teeth flashing in a smile, as Gintoki chuckled. He didn’t look lazy at the moment, but seemed to radiate bright energy and charm, his features animated. They made a handsome pair, both tall and well built, one with silvery light hair and the other jet black. Hijikata noticed for the first time how his heart skipped a beat at seeing Gintoki smile and tilt his head, his eyes followed the lines of Gintoki’s body, noting how well his jeans fit him, defining his muscular backside and legs. His jacket was draped over one of his arms carelessly, and his shirt sleeves were pushed up to the elbows, the top buttons of his shirt undone and showing off the pale skin of his chest. Nakamura leaned even closer, putting a hand on Gintoki’s shoulder and whispering something in his ear, then slipped something in his shirt pocket. Gintoki’s responding insolent grin made Hijikata’s insides squeeze unpleasantly. He turned away, suddenly feeling out of sorts. What did he care if Gintoki wanted to hook up with some guy. He wouldn’t begrudge a friend a good time. 

Hijikata turned sharply and went outside to the smoking area. After half a cigarette he felt better, calmer. But it still bothered him, that feeling he didn’t want to name. It couldn’t have come to this - with Gintoki of all people? When they were complete opposites in personality, goals, lifestyles, everything. Somehow, without him realizing it, Gintoki had gotten under his skin, and now the question was what was he going to do about it. Seeing him flirt with another guy made Hijikata really mad. But beyond that, it made him wonder, what would it be like? Would they look like that to others? Would he want to kiss him? He felt his pulse quicken as he remembered Gintoki’s lips, moist from licking off a bit of ice cream, their specific shape sharply defined in his mind’s eye. He closed his eyes tiredly, yes, this was troublesome… After slowly smoking another cigarette and not reaching any useful decisions, he sighed and went back to the police station lobby.

This time he approached Gintoki and Nakamura. 

“Hello, Hijikata-san,” Nakamura nodded to him.

“Hello. They got you in here fast too, huh.”

“Yes, I have to view a line-up of suspects, since I saw some of the trouble at the department as well. Ah! Here is the police officer coming now.” He put his hand on Gintoki’s shoulder and smiled flirtatiously, “I’ll be seeing you.”

The police officer led Nakamura away into the depths of the police station. Hijikata gave Gintoki a long look, but he seemed the same as usual. 

“You were gone a while…” Gintoki gave him a casual smile.

“Took a smoke break,” he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Had you met Nakamura before?”

“No... He works at your school, right?”

“He seemed really friendly with you,” Hijikata shrugged.

“Heh, yeah, he gave me his number,” Gintoki smirked, patting his shirt pocket. 

“So, are you gonna call him back? You two looked like you were having a good time.”

Gintoki gave him an odd look, then grinned.

“Normally I might, but you know… I’m not interested in that guy.”

“Oh… okay.” Hijikata noticed that he was tapping his foot restlessly and fidgeting with loose change in his pocket, and made himself keep still. Was it that easy to have a charming conversation and then just slip someone a card with one’s phone number? Is that how one would show that sort of interest to someone? Hijikata hadn’t the faintest idea. This was getting too awkward, so he cleared his throat again.

“Did you find anything out about Kamui?”

“Yeah, they’re holding him for questioning, he hasn’t been charged with anything yet.”

“That’s good, I guess. I want to ask the detective more about the case, so you don’t have to stick around and wait,” Hijikata said.

“Nah, I’d like to hear about it too, so I’ll stay.”

Soon after, the same detective who questioned Hijikata at the conservatory walked up to them. She had serious brown eyes, short dark hair, and wore a neat gray suit.

“I’m detective Sato, handling this case. You had some questions, Hijikata-san? And this is?”

“Yes, and this is Sakata-san, a friend of mine. I wanted to know more about the case, as much as you can tell us.”

“Yes, certain details are not to be released to the public. I can tell you that, so far, it seems that Suzuki-san died of heart and kidney failure, and that highly elevated levels of certain heart medication called digoxin were found in his blood. It is a poisonous substance. Suffice it to say, it is likely he died from poisoning with an overdose of this drug. I cannot reveal further details to you.”

“I see… Is that the medication he was taking, the one in his pillbox?” asked Hijikata.

“He did have a pillbox containing this medication on his person.”

“So you think this intruder scared him into taking an overdose of his pills?”

“That is a possibility.”

“And it’s somehow related to the mess in his office, and their arguing? Could the intruder have stolen something?”

“We are investigating all the angles. I’m sorry, but I cannot divulge further information on an active investigation to the public.”

“I see. Thank you for answering my questions.”

“You’re welcome. Please call me if you find any relevant information for the case.”

After taking their leave, Hijikata and Gintoki went on their separate ways. Hijikata had his schoolwork to do, and Gintoki had to get to work at a part-time job.

***

The remaining weeks before the competition Hijikata took Kondo’s advice for once. He toned down his practicing hours and tried to catch up on sleep. He thought about what he would play for his competitions pieces, but none of the music he had been working on that semester excited him. After a while he decided not to worry about it too much, he still had time to decide and practice before the competition.

During that time he had several gigs with Kondo - a couple of weddings and an anniversary reception. Each time, the music wasn’t too challenging, so he relaxed and had fun playing with the band. Towards the end of one of the receptions, on a whim he decided to throw in one of his original compositions, from some time ago. As he played it from memory, Hijikata improvised in a few places that seemed to need improvement. He was surprised how easy it was to pull the ideas from his mind and play them. He had only been doing that on guitar with Gintoki. Yet another thing he’s changed about me… pondered Hijikata.

When he finished playing, he was surprised again by genuinely impressed looks and grins he got from his band mates.

“What was that?” asked Kondo. “Was that one of yours?”

“Yeah… just thought I’d throw it in…” Hijikata scrubbed through his hair self-consciously.

“That was amazing! I always knew you had talent, Toshi!” he barely escaped Kondo’s fierce hug, accepting a hefty pat on the back instead.

“You think so? Well it was fun to play anyway.”

The more he thought about it, Hijikata decided that for his competition pieces he would ditch the baroque music. Even though the technical skill would impress the judges, his heart simply wasn’t in it. He went through his older notes and sheet music and found pieces he had not played in a long time. Like meeting again with old friends, he felt a tingle of excitement running through this music. For the first time in a long while, the feeling of dread about the competition was replaced with anticipation.

***

Gintoki was a bit late getting to the performance hall for final round of the music competition. But he did make an effort to dress better than usual - he wore a button-down shirt over his t-shirt, and a decent pair of slacks. Some of the performers had already finished playing, and he sat through a few more performances, feeling a bit bored with the classical music.

He sat up straight when Hijikata walked out onto the stage with his cello and took a small bow to the judges. He straightened his black formal jacket and sat down, positioning the cello between his legs, its body warmly gleaming. Gintoki had to admit that his friend looked good in the formal black suit and tie with a snow white shirt. He had never seen Hijikata wear formal clothing before, looking composed and serious, yet comfortable.

Hijikata swiped his bangs back with his right hand and held the bow in front of the cello. After a momentary pause he seemed to take a deep breath and began to play. The first few notes landed heavy and dark with the rich timbre of his cello. The dusky low-pitched melody changed to a staccato pattern. The audience fell still as they listened.

Gintoki watched Hijikata moving the bow smoothly, making a series of faster strokes, then changing to slow steady movements. He imagined arm muscles flexing under Hijikata's black jacket sleeve, as he played, the cello nestled between his legs. His eyes were lowered and lips slightly parted in concentration. The mellow sounds of the cello intertwined in a beautiful soaring melody, almost haunting in its intensity. His hair fell over his face as Hijikata leaned over his instrument, fingers dancing over the neck of the cello.

Gintoki felt his heart beating faster as he listened to the piece, its wildness and passionate beauty flowing around him as if transporting him to a different place. He had never seen Hijikata play with such intensity, and he wondered if the music held some special meaning for him. This was so unlike his usual attitude when they jammed on guitar together, where although serious and precise in his technique, Hijikata was more lighthearted and interactive. It was more like playful banter except with music instead of words. But now, Hijikata was pure passion. As if for the first time Gintoki was struck by his glossy flowing jet black hair, setting off his pale skin in the bright stage lights, like the stark light of the full moon, his lean muscular limbs, clothed in black, around the rich brown curves of the cello. The beautiful image burned itself into Gintoki’s mind. He sat and listened and lost track of time.

Finally, Hijikata’s hands slowed, and the bow stopped. The room was so still, you could have heard a pin drop. After a few moments Hijikata put the bow in his left hand and pushed his hair out of his face again, then slowly rose and bowed. Someone a few seats down from Gintoki started clapping, the sound picked up by other members of the audience. Gintoki was startled out of his reverie and clapped as well.

Later, after a few more performances, the final session was finished, and Hijikata came out into the hallway where the others were waiting for him.

“I didn’t know you played cello, Hijikata. Not bad,” said Gintoki with a slight smile.

“Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn’t have heard me play it before…” Hijikata replied. “Mostly I play classical stuff on it.”

“I guess you’re not into metal after all,” Gintoki made a little pout.

“Ugh, for the last time! I keep telling you-...“

A smiling man with spiky dark hair walked up and clapped Hijikata heartily on the back. “That was a great performance! I knew you had it in you, Toshi!”

“Thanks, Kondo-san… I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“It was beautiful, Toshiro-kun. I’m sure you’re going to win the competition!” said a young woman of about their age, with a pink-tinged face and short dark blond hair.

“Oh yeah, let me introduce you guys, this is Kondo-san and Okita Mitsuba-san, my old friends from when I was in high school. And this is Sakata Gintoki,” said Hijikata. Smiles and greetings were exchanged all around.

Then, a tall figure strode up to the group, flashing his monocle. “Well done, Hijikata-san. You didn’t disgrace yourself this time. Although your choice of music was a bit of a surprise. I’d like to invite you to a little reception this evening to celebrate the end of the competition.”

Gintoki looked at the newcomer with some annoyance, masked by his usual indifferent expression. The tall man was immaculately dressed in a formal white suit, and was presently staring down his long nose at Hijikata, with a sneer curving his mouth. Gintoki didn’t like how intently and almost hungrily the man looked at Hijikata. Hijikata, on the other hand, looked slightly uncomfortable, but squared his shoulders, looked the man in the face and nodded. “Thank you, sir. I’ll be there.”

“Good. It’s at 8 o’clock, you have the address.” He swept the group with a haughty stare, nodded, and walked away.

Kondo laughed awkwardly. “Well that was a daunting guy…”

“That was Sasaki, my advisor, and the new Dean of the Strings department,” replied Hijikata.

“That stick in the mud?! How do you put up with that… I’m not surprised you almost dropped out,” said Gintoki.

Hijikata shrugged.

“Anyway, let’s go for some celebratory drinks ourselves,” suggested Gintoki.

“Sounds like fun! Let’s do it” smiled Mitsuba and winked conspiratorially at Gintoki.

***

They were at a nice lounge bar, relaxed after a round or two of drinks. Hijikata had taken off his jacket, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, looking a little flushed from drinking. He really did look good in formal clothes, but even more sexy with them slightly undone, thought Gintoki. He eyed his forearms, lean and neat and unexpectedly enticing with the sleeves of the dress shirt rolled up to the elbow.

“So you’re friends with Toshiro-san?” asked Mitsuba, after they’d been chatting for a while.

“Oh yeah, we met over the summer.”

“But you hadn’t heard him play cello before? That’s his main instrument he’s studying at conservatory…”

“Oh, that does sound a little weird. You see, I’m a musician too, and we’d been playing guitar together, not this classical stuff. So I didn’t even really think that it wasn’t his main instrument.”

“Guitar? I didn’t know he played guitar,” Mitsuba blushed a little and then looked excited. “You two must be really good friends, he’s pretty private about his interests.”

“Hmm, I guess so.”

“You like him, don’t you? I saw the way you were looking at him…”

“You’re not uhhh...? I mean, I don’t know your history together, but I didn’t think he’s seeing anyone…?”

“No… I know him well, and I’m pretty sure he’s not seeing anyone, he doesn’t really go out on dates much.” She paused, taking a long sip of her drink. “If you’re serious, I think it might work, but you may have to be prepared that he cannot return a romantic interest…” She glanced wistfully at Hijikata sitting at the bar next to Kondo.

“Umm, thanks, I guess. He really is a good friend to me… I’m not just after him for _that_.”

“I’m glad. Good luck!” she smiled at Gintoki, and then walked over to Hijikata. “Hey, Toshiro-kun, I’m really glad I got to meet Sakata-san. He’s a really nice guy.”

“I’m glad too,” he gave her a small smile. “Maybe when your busy med student schedule allows, we can do something together. There is a neat show I think you’d enjoy. Some friends of Sakata’s have put it together. I hope you can come out and see it with me sometime. I’ll invite Kondo-san too. And Sougo.”

“Okay, definitely! And don’t forget to invite Sakata-san to come with us too. I’ll let you know when I have a little time. Speaking of which, I should be going. Congratulations again on a beautiful performance!” She squeezed his shoulder briefly, then turned with a wave and was gone.

Gintoki joined Hijikata and Kondo at the bar. 

“By the way, I was thinking, maybe you could help out with Zura’s project - we could create some acts to go with cello music, it’d be really cool. Hmm… we’d mic you up, maybe throw in some effects… What do you think?” Gintoki asked.

“You think so?” said Hijikata.

“Oh? What sort of project are you talking about?” asked Kondo.

“It’s called the Circus of Joy, a kind of artistic circus show.”

“If you like the idea of bringing in new musicians, I have a whole crew - Toshi’s part of it,” said Kondo.

“Oh yeah? We can talk to Zura, see what he thinks,” said Gintoki.

“Well, here’s my card, this could be an interesting collaboration,” said Kondo with a warm grin, clapping Gintoki’s shoulder.

Soon after, Kondo left as well, and only Hijikata and Gintoki remained. They sat companionably at the bar, with a fresh set of drinks.

“So you actually do have friends,” said Gintoki.

“Yeah… there’s Yamazaki too, but he couldn’t make it today. Poor guy is slaving away in medical residency. We’re roommates and I barely see him.”

Gintoki looked over in surprise. Maybe it was the drinks, but Hijikata was much mellower than he expected.

“Wanna go for a walk? I still have that reception later and I don’t want to show up wasted…” said Hijikata.

“Sure, I’ll keep you company.”

They left the bar and walked down some streets, until they reached a little park. After buying a soft drink for Gintoki and a coffee for Hijikata, they settled in on a bench in the deserted place. For a long while they sat in comfortable silence.

Eventually Hijikata cleared his throat and said, “I still feel buzzed…”

“Oh yeah? Me too, I guess,” Gintoki put his arms up and leaned his head back, staring up at the racing clouds.

“I guess I’m not good with words after all,” said Hijikata, putting a hand on Gintoki’s knee. 

Gintoki watched in confusion as Hijikata took a deep breath, leaned over, and kissed him softly on the mouth. Hijikata looked really earnest, and maybe a little bit worried, as he slowly moved away. He was opening his mouth to say something, probably apologize, when Gintoki shook off his inertia, grabbed him by the back of his head and pulled him in for another kiss. They stared in each other’s eyes, searching their feelings. The kiss went from slow and tentative to deep and desperate, like zero to sixty, in moments. They were drinking each other up as if they’d been parched wanderers in the desert and finally found a cool drink of water. After a few moments they broke apart, breathing heavily.

“There’s an answer for ya,” said Gintoki with a crooked grin.

“Yeah,” said Hijikata, looking down with a little frown.

“What’s the matter?”

“Well, I’m not exactly sure where to go from here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave it at such a moment. The next part is written, some moments many have been waiting for, I'm sure, some maybe unexpected, and I'm just deciding on whether to keep some pieces of it or leave them out. ^_^


	8. Down the memory lane, or was it romance row?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Down memory lane we go...

Sitting on that park bench next to Gintoki, Hijikata remembered his first kiss. It happened in a dusty cluttered broom closet of all the romantic places.

_High school, 4 years ago_

Classes were finished for the day. Toshiro had cleaning duty along with a few other classmates at his high school. They were nearly done and he was taking the cleaning supplies back to be put away. As he was halfway into the broom closet, a pair of hands covered his eyes.

"Guess who!" 

It was Mitsuba, a fair-haired girl in his class. July had come, and they’d been dating for about a month… 

Toshiro nearly dropped the broom and bucket with a rattle and tried to turn around. She uncovered his eyes but kept her hold on the sides of his head as he turned. 

He started to say something in reply when her lips covered his. He froze, slack jawed in surprise. Her lips moved against his and her tongue licked his lower lip slowly. As her tongue slid tentatively into his mouth, he became aware of a faint bubble gum flavor. He stared at her fluttering reddish-brown eyelashes over her half-open brown eyes and felt his cheeks warm. Great, now he was probably blushing.

She moved away, her cheeks pink and eyes twinkling mischievously, "as I thought, minty fresh. Do you remember the day we first started going out?”

It had started out the same way, a month earlier. Broom closet. A pair of hands covering his eyes suddenly. She'd been hanging around their classroom and watching him slyly since the start of the school year, a few months before. Many times she had started conversations with him, with a warm and friendly smile, but Toshiro never had much to say.

"Okita-san..." Toshiro had started as he tried to move away, instead losing his balance and catching himself against the wall of the closet amid the rattle of cleaning supplies. He didn't know what to say, he'd never been that close to a girl and had no idea of how he was supposed to act.

"You're so formal," she giggled. "Call me Mitsuba. Or better, Mitsu-chan!" She eyed him cheerfully, “well, maybe it’s too soon for Mitsu-chan…”

He stared at her in awkward silence.

“Toshiro-kun, can I call you by your first name?"

"Uh... O-okay..." Great, he sounded even more stupid than he felt.

"Will you go out with me? You don't have a girlfriend, right?"

"I guess... I mean I don't... But... "

"Okay! Let's go to a cafe. Sorry this is so sudden... But please come out with me."

Toshiro had nodded slowly. He didn't mind. He never really thought about these things. His classmates would gossip about picking up girls and which girls at their high school were cute and most popular, but he never joined those discussions. They thought he was terribly shy, but the truth was he just didn't have any interest in dating or stuff like that. He didn't even really care to make friends, they would be gone soon anyway, so what would be the point. 

In school Toshiro never participated more than he was required to, he barely spoke to the other students and avoided their invitations. He wasn’t quite sure why he didn’t turn down Mitsuba. She was more persistent than other classmates had been, and despite everything he knew from his past experience, he liked her cheeky confidence and the spark in her eyes.

So they started “going out.” The gossip mill chewed on this gleefully, the unlikely combo of broody but good looking Hijikata Toshiro and cheerful popular Okita Mitsuba. He still didn’t talk much in school and ignored the questions, looks, and whisperings. Luckily, it was almost July already and there was less than a month left until summer vacation, so he would not have to put up with it much longer. With Mitsuba Toshiro was awkward. Awkward awkward. In practice he had never had friends, never mind romantic relationships. He didn’t know what to do with a girl, so he mostly acted stiff and quiet, sometimes letting her draw him out with gentle questions and friendly conversation. They went to cafes, movies, and walks - the usual kind of innocent high school dates. She laughed and sometimes she would hold his hand, and he thought the soft texture of her skin felt nice against his roughened fingers. He wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to feel, but it was okay, and she didn’t seem to expect anything else but friendly company.

Toshiro was careful to keep their outings away from places where he might run into trouble or trouble might catch up to him, as had happened many times in his years in junior high. He didn’t mind getting into a fight by himself, but he could not allow it to involve Mitsuba. So they never stayed out too late and never went places where they might run into gangs or delinquents that seemed to always want to pick a fight.

After a couple more months, Toshiro found himself growing used to spending time with Mitsuba almost every day, especially once summer break started. He still didn’t say much, but things became more comfortable and relaxed between them. They knew what movies and books the other liked, what they liked to eat and drink. Just like a real couple should. Once in a while on long summer evenings when they found themselves in some secluded place, Mitsuba would bend his head down and steal a kiss, smiling warmly at his surprise.

One day in September she asked to see his room.

“Do you live alone, Toshiro-kun? Can I come over? It’s raining, so we can’t go for a walk, and I don’t want to see any of the movies that are out now.”

“Okay, I guess. My place really isn’t very interesting.”

“That’s okay, I want to see where you live.”

They came to his apartment building, one of those multi-floor buildings where apartments have separate outdoor entrances. His apartment was on the second floor, just a simple room with barely anything in it - some sitting cushions, a few books, a coat on the coat-hook. Futon, clothing, and whatever other personal possessions he had were neatly put away out of sight. He offered to make her some tea, and while he busied himself preparing it, Mitsuba looked around.  
“Which door is your bathroom?” she said, and “Whoops! Wrong door,” as she accidentally opened the closet instead.

When he came over with her cup of tea and some spicy crackers, she smiled and said, “You got my favorite crackers! Thanks!”

“Oh, it’s nothing, just something I had lying around…”

“By the way, Toshiro-kun, do you play a musical instrument? I was looking for the bathroom earlier and I thought I saw a musical instrument case…”

“...I used to. My brother gave me a cello years ago, but I haven’t played it in a long time.”

“Can I see it? Please?”

“Sure, why not…” He rose and brought the cello case out of the closet, brushing off the dust as he went. He sat back down on the floor cushion and opened up the case, running his fingers over the smooth lacquer on the glossy brown curves of the long neglected instrument within.

“Wow, it’s beautiful!”

Toshiro took the cello out, adjusted it slightly, then tightened the bow and ran it over a string. The cello was almost certainly out of tune, but the deep velvety sound of the single string vibrated gently and sweetly in the dimness of the room, fading away into the patter of the rain against the window pane. It reminded him of the last time Toshiro saw his brother. Wordless feelings welled up unexpectedly, and he felt an ache in his chest as his throat tightened. He lowered his hand and put down the bow. At the same time Mitsuba placed her hand over his and put her other hand on his shoulder, turning him towards her.

“You look so sad… May I kiss you?”

He looked up at her silently and didn’t protest or turn away as she leaned closer. She kissed him softly and sweetly, nothing rushed about it, but nothing tentative either. When she deepened the kiss, he responded by sliding his tongue against hers, his eyes fluttering shut. It felt nice, a little awkward, inexperienced, but tender and sincere. He set the cello on the floor with a gentle clunk and put his hands around her shoulders. She shifted and straddled his lap, lightly squeezing his arms and shoulders, as they kept kissing.

Eventually Mitsuba pulled away with a smile and stroked his cheek gently. “That was really nice. I’d like to kiss you more, and touch you. Do you want to…?”

Toshiro opened his eyes, feeling a little disoriented. This was strange, but nice. This was what people did when they dated. Following an odd impulse, he reached up and pulled off the tie that held her ponytail together. Her honey colored soft hair fell around her face to just below her shoulders. She smiled as he stroked her hair, took his hand and put it over her breast. It was softer and not like anything he had expected, nestling in the palm of his hand, and he felt his cheeks warm a little. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Mitsuba said, unbuttoning her top. “Girls aren’t supposed to say stuff like this, but I want you to touch me... only you.”

Toshiro felt himself blushing again as his breath caught in his throat. “I never expected anyone to say something like that to me…”

“You’re so serious,” she chuckled. “Lighten up a little and don’t think so hard about it.”

Mitsuba guided his hands to her torso and slipped her own hands under his t-shirt, gliding over his abs and chest. Her hands felt cool, and little waves of goosebumps chased her touch. Then she pulled his shirt up and over his head, but it snagged on his ponytail, and his hair got pulled loose as well. She ran her fingers through the long black strands. He traced his hands over her body shyly, trying to be as gentle as he could, and carefully caressed her belly and breasts, making her moan softly. 

“Kiss me, there…” And he obediently bent over, placing soft kisses on her skin, silky and smooth, smelling faintly of peaches and something unique and delicious. He grew bolder as her breathing got faster and heavier. Toshiro felt his own heartbeat speeding up at her excitement, a feeling of warmth and tightness in his belly. As he was caught in the moment, his thoughts scattered chaotically, leaving behind a sense of wonder. He ran his hands over her sides and back, squeezing and pressing her close. She shifted again, her skirt riding up on her hips, and she ground against his lap with a loud sigh. Her movement brought her groin right up against his and rubbed against a sensitive area, making him gasp.

She raised up his head and locked lips with him for another deep kiss. It still felt a little clumsy and new, but in the heat of the moment it didn’t matter. While kissing him, she unbuttoned his pants and snuck a hand in. She wrapped her fingers around him and squeezed lightly, making him moan. “W-wait, what are you doing…? Aaahh…”

“It’s okay... I’ll just touch you... with my hand.. That’s all… Do you want me to stop?” She said breathlessly, and threaded her other hand through the hair at the back of his head, giving him shivers. 

“I- ah, n-no… don’t stop...” This felt nothing like his own hand, on the few occasions that he had gotten himself off. He couldn’t think clearly, but he wanted to feel the growing, warm sensation, completely distracted from processing whether it was a good idea or not. If Mitsuba wanted it, how could it be bad?

“My sweet Toshiro,” she mumbled against the side of his neck as she caressed him with an up and down motion. The sensation combined with her presence holding him close, the warmth and softness of her, her scent and the sound of her breathing, as she kissed a sensitive spot on his neck, the faint taste of spice lingering on his tongue. It might have been forever or it might have been an instant, he couldn’t tell, but all the sensations overwhelmed him like a cresting wave, and he came with a hoarse cry and an indescribable feeling. His back arched, then he fell back limply on the floor, breathing heavily. Mitsuba made a surprised squeak and giggle at the sudden wetness in her hand and on his belly. She bent forward, leaning on her hands over him, and kissed him on the corner of his mouth, her eyes dancing with delight.

“That was neat, did it feel good?”

“Yeah, it was… it was amazing. But now? Uhh… I’m sorry… what do you want to do now?” His mind felt sluggish and his limbs warm and heavy. He vaguely wanted to reciprocate, but wasn’t sure how.

“It’s enough for now. I really enjoyed making out with you,” she grinned mischievously. “I’m looking forward to more exploring another time.” 

He got up groggily to find some tissues and clean up, straightening his clothes and putting his shirt back on. His glance fell on the cello that was still lying on the floor, and his face fell a little. 

“Oh, there’s somebody I want you to meet! Let me see when he’s free, and I’ll take you over to see a very good friend of mine,” said Mitsuba.

“Oh really? Why?”

“You’ll see! And now I want the rest of my tea.”

A few days later Toshiro was riding the bus with Mitsuba to meet her mysterious friend, Kondo-san. He looked wonderingly over at her. It still felt a little unreal, the intimate things that they had done. She looked over and smiled as if she knew what he was thinking. Toshiro looked down at his hands, faded traces of old fights on the knuckles, the hands that had only been used to hurt others, that had not known the touch of affection. Could they be the same hands? He couldn’t fathom that she would want someone like him, no one had ever wanted him before. Only his brother had ever wanted him around.

***

Fast-forward a year and a half. Toshiro gazed thoughtfully out the partly open window, his chin resting on his hands, the textbook in front of him momentarily forgotten and its pages flapping in the May breeze.

Toshiro had become friends with Kondo and spent ever more time with him, working on music, helping Kondo tinker with his motorcycle, and listening to him talk about dreams for the future. Kondo’s smile and simple optimism reminded Toshiro of Tamegoro. Toshiro and Mitsuba continued going out, although as time went on, he had to be more and more on guard against her little brother Sougo. This 13-year-old squirt just loved to play pranks, and Toshiro was his favorite target. Considering that the kid was a talented martial artist even by the time he started junior high, he got pretty troublesome. They still went on dates to cafes, movies, and such, but Toshiro had to be ever vigilant, lest he find his food covered in spicy sauce instead of mayo, or a bucket of water “accidentally” falling with the intent to drench him, whoopie cushions, tacks on his movie theatre seat, jam or spiders in his shoes when he went to put them on, and so on, and so on.

Needless to say, any fooling around that happened, happened behind closed doors, in Toshiro’s room. They didn’t progress very fast. Usually it was Mitsuba who would take the initiative and move things further, playful and enthusiastic about physical exploration. Toshiro didn’t push, perhaps he was the more hesitant of the two. In all his life he had not experienced much physical closeness or affectionate touch, and this kind of intimacy was new and strange at first. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. While Toshiro was content to just spend time together and talk, he could tell that sometimes Mitsuba got impatient with his slow pace. He thought she was always waiting for him to do something. Moments like that, he felt like he was missing something obvious to everyone else. Toshiro listened to other boys his age boasting about their conquests and fantasies, what they wanted to do to girls, but none of it seemed to fit. He just couldn’t seem to get excited about these things like everybody else. He tried his best to do what seemed to please Mitsuba, little romantic gestures, a nice gift for White day, following her lead when she wanted to make out. He never told her, but he did some research at the library, to find out as much as he could about anatomy, sex, and how to be a good partner. If it came to that, he wanted to be prepared, to know how to please a woman. He looked through textbooks and anything he could find. It was a little embarrassing, but worth it, he felt sure. 

Despite the occasional awkwardness, they had fun together. Going places, laughing and talking together. Sitting together at lunch at school, with a special handmade meal Mitsuba brought him every day. The spice made him tear up a little, but Toshiro wouldn’t trade it for anything. Mitsuba made him feel warm inside. At times it all still felt unreal, like living in a fairy tale, and Toshiro treated her as gently as he would a delicate glass ornament, as if any wrong move on his part would shatter the dream, leaving him alone again in a desolate reality.

And now… it was almost his birthday. As he stared out of the window, he wasn’t really seeing the landscape. He thought about how different things felt compared to even a year ago. He now had people he felt connected with, a friend, a girlfriend, even her annoying little snot of a brother. He’d never had a kid brother. As someone once said, he couldn’t remember who, _it’s enough to have even one real friend_. So even in the absence of Tamegoro, Toshiro felt something in his heart let go and become just a little lighter. He felt just a little more hopeful about the future. Why not go to university, or maybe even conservatory to study music.

***

On the day of his birthday Mitsuba pulled Toshiro aside at a break between classes. 

“Can I come over to your place after school today? I want to tell you something important,” she blushed a little, but looked at him with determination.

“Yeah, of course.”

And so it went. “I want to go all the way today,” she said. 

Toshiro was shocked, not sure what to say as panicked thoughts scattered in his head. “Isn’t it kind of sudden?” Noticing a look of dismayed disappointment on her face, he backtracked, blushing: “Okay, yeah, I think I have condoms somewhere... Are you sure? You really don’t have to...” 

“I want to. We’ve been together almost two years. You want me too, don’t you?”

Kissing by now was much smoother, and the familiarity helped him calm down. They took their time, he was careful to do the things she liked, touch the places she liked, diligent and attentive, while she could barely contain her excitement and affection. After a while, she was getting impatient to get on with things, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Then, after she went down on him and teased him with her tongue, the part in question seemed to wake up. Only to wilt again as he tried to roll the condom on. Toshiro was red-faced and tense, but she smiled and embraced him. “Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out together,” she said with such conviction, he couldn’t help but feel encouraged. Mitsuba was incredibly beautiful and warm, and he really did enjoy the sight and the feeling of her against him. At the same time he felt completely helpless as he desperately wished he could stay hard enough to get her off...

Afterwards Toshiro curled onto his side on the futon, with an awful sinking feeling.

“I’m s- sorry…” he mumbled into a pillow. _There must be something wrong with me…_

Mitsuba ran her hand over his shoulder gently, pulling him back towards her. “Hey, it’s okay. Come here…” She hugged him, and he tried to fight past the lump in his throat and heavy guilt like a stone in his gut.

Over the following months, they continued trying things, fueled by Mitsuba’s undimming enthusiasm. It became increasingly clear that whatever attraction or affection Toshiro had for Mitsuba, he couldn’t perform like a healthy young man was expected to. There was nothing wrong with his physical health. He felt terrible and guilty about it, but something was just missing. She was never resentful or unkind to him, despite her disappointment. But he wasn’t an idiot, he could sense the frustration and sadness she was so good at hiding. 

“I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you,” Mitsuba said. Toshiro looked up, surprised. They were sitting at a small outdoor table at a cafe.

“Okay…”

“I’m fine with not doing those kinds of things… I still like spending time with you, and you are very important to me.” She wrapped her fingers around his hand. “But maybe, one day, you’ll meet someone that you have those kinds of feelings for… I don’t want to stand in your way then.”

“What? But… how can this not bother you? It wasn’t supposed to be this way…”

“Of course it bothers me! It was something I wanted to share with you, to experience with you… something wonderful. But you know what’s more important? What’s in your heart, what’s inside you.” She gazed at him intently, her warm golden brown eyes very serious.

“Th-then what kind of relationship can we have? We should break up. Then you can find someone who will give you what I can’t, someone who can make you happy,” he looked away self-consciously, but she didn’t let go of his hand.

“But you do make me happy. And I will not abandon you just because of that. I can’t hurt you that way.”

“Hurt _me_? But… but I was the one who…”

“Admit it. It hurts. There is something different about you and you are not the way you expected. I want to be there for you, I want to help you figure it out.”

“...”

They sat quietly for a while, picking at their food.

“Are there some other girls that you like?” Mitsuba asked after a while.

“No.”

“Do you, umm, do you think other boys are attractive?” she asked hesitantly.

"Not that I've noticed..."

"Well, if you like boys, it's okay."

"Uh, sure, whatever... Can we talk about something else now?" Toshiro fidgeted with his napkin.

"Yeah, sorry, that was a weird question."

For a while after that, when they were out somewhere, Mitsuba would people watch and Toshiro could swear she was fishing for whether he liked this person or that one, girls, boys, all sorts of people, different builds and clothing styles, masculine, feminine, androgynous. Finally Toshiro was fed up. 

"You don't have to keep trying so hard," he said. "I'm not interested in any of them, and I don’t care about finding someone to have sex with. Can we just let this go."

And that was that. Life went on. They gradually stopped doing sexual things, even though Toshiro would not have minded doing what he could. He enjoyed making Mitsuba smile and flush with pleasure. But nothing they tried seemed to work to arouse him. When she didn’t initiate, he didn’t have enough interest in it either. It was easier and more fun to do other things. They still enjoyed each other’s company, gave each other little surprise gifts, went on dates, and held hands. Perhaps in some ways, nothing had changed at all.

One night Toshiro was walking Mitsuba home after a movie, when several dark figures stepped out of the shadows around them.

“Got a light, sister?” a mocking voice said. “What a pair of pretty birds, want to join us for some fun?”

“The only fun we’ll be joining you for is a welcome party for my fist with your face,” Toshiro replied. He could see that the skinny punk who spoke to them with a confident smirk didn’t look like much of a challenge, the bigger problem was his friends. Toshiro shifted to get between them and Mitsuba, pushing her towards the wall, and his body naturally relaxed into a fighting stance.

“Eh? I know you! You’re right, we owe you some extra fun for last time. Boys, this is the one who put Yoshi in the hospital a few months back. Where have you been hiding all this time, huh? Guess what, boys, we’re not letting these love birds off lightly. I’ve got a special treat for you, little thorny. And I’ll treat your girlfriend real good for you.” The narrow street echoed with mocking laughter.

“Yeah, bet you won’t act so tough when we make your girl squeal, huh,” said a thick-set punk with bleached hair hanging over his face in a long fringe. “Grab her, Momo-kun.”

A tall figure moved in, flanking Toshiro and circling behind him, and a couple of guys approached from the front. Toshiro fell into a familiar flow, settling into the adrenaline rush of the fight. Unnecessary details and emotions fell away, his focus razor sharp, his mind coldly calculating the odds of multiple courses of action. The opponents were about the same age as him, posturing delinquent teens, rather than hardened fighters. He hoped they weren’t armed. Toshiro had to act fast, beat them down hard before they knew what was happening, and get Mitsuba out of there. They were outnumbered, so Toshiro had to use speed and surprise to his advantage. 

Moving quickly and silently, Toshiro spun in a roundhouse kick, hitting one of the punks in front of him square in the mid-section with the ball of his foot, and sent him backwards to the ground. Before anyone had a chance to react, Toshiro turned and punched the other guy in front and to his right. This was the bigger of the two, and he shook off the blow and advanced, swinging his fist at Toshiro. Toshiro dodged easily, but it wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t fast enough, as he heard Mitsuba shout and hit the tall attacker with her purse as he grabbed her. Toshiro turned and punched the guy going after Mitsuba in the kidney, aiming for maximum pain. 

“Mitsuba! Run!” he shouted over the agonized howl of the attacker, who had lost his grip and was bent over in pain. In the meantime, the third punk wasn’t waiting around and got his arms around Toshiro from behind, locking his arms in place. Toshiro caught her eye desperately, and Mitsuba nodded, quickly turned, and ran down the street. 

Toshiro twisted and struggled to break his opponent’s grip, then brought his head back to slam hard into the attacker’s face, and viciously kicked at the side of his knee, coldly noting the sickening crunch. In the momentary surprised weakening of his hold, Toshiro turned and jabbed his opponent’s midsection sharply with his elbow, escaping from the bear hug and finishing the move by bringing him down to the ground. Quickly surveying the scene, Toshiro saw that the attackers were still stunned and recovering from his unexpectedly vicious attacks. The first guy was still catching his breath on the ground, his arms wrapped around his midsection. They didn’t look like they were about to pursue, so Toshiro turned wordlessly and ran after Mitsuba.

Mitsuba was waiting for him a couple of blocks away.  
“Toshiro-kun, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Don’t stop here, let’s get to the main street and get you home,” he said brusquely, pulling her along by the wrist.

After a few minutes, they were a ways away, walking down a brightly lit busy street. Mitsuba pulled on Toshiro’s arm to make him slow down.

“Toshiro-kun, are you sure you’re alright? Did they hurt you?”

“No. I’m fine.” Rather, he hurt them. Mostly they were just bruised and should recover quickly, although the knee injury may be more severe. Usually he avoided causing bad injuries, but this time he didn’t have the luxury to spare his opponents. _Usually._ The thought hit him like a physical blow. What sort of trouble would catch up with him next? He’d had some luck avoiding fights recently, but clearly, out of sight wasn’t completely out of mind. How long could he continue to avoid the areas where troublemakers and delinquents hung out? And after today they would certainly remember him and hold a grudge. Maybe even come looking for him. He could not bear it if some of these enemies from the past were to hurt Mitsuba, because of him. Or new enemies. He didn’t seem to be able to get away from the violence. It was nothing to expose a good, normal, person like Mitsuba to. Especially her.

Toshiro became aware of Mitsuba calling his name as she held his right hand.  
“Toshiro-kun, does your hand hurt? It looks a little swollen.”

He glanced at his hand, noting the slight swelling and a small cut on one of the knuckles. Nothing out of the ordinary after a hard punch. Nothing unusual for him. That was the problem. His mouth twisted bitterly.

“It’s nothing, I’ll put some ice on it at home. It’s my right hand, so I won’t have any trouble playing at the music club recital.” 

They fell silent as they kept walking to Mitsuba’s apartment. His hands tingled a little as adrenaline faded. Now he just felt tired and bleak. When they got to her building, Toshiro stopped outside her door.

“We shouldn’t go out anymore,” he said coldly. “I’ll see you at school.”

“What?” Mitsuba looked confused. “Do you mean, because of those punks? Shouldn’t we call the police by the way?”

She deserved to find someone better, someone who wasn’t a violent delinquent who would drag her down into trouble and danger. He had been a fool to think a reject like him could have a relationship like normal people. Not to mention, she deserved someone who would love her as she deserved, not an emotionally stunted freak like him. Or whatever his problem was. Toshiro steeled himself, and felt something shatter in his chest, like fine delicate glass crushed underfoot.

“No. This is just not working out. I’m not boyfriend material. I tried, but I can’t do this anymore. You’re better off finding someone else.” Toshiro turned on his heel and walked off, ignoring Mitsuba as she called after him.

In the following weeks, Toshiro treated her coldly and kept his distance, hoping Mitsuba would give up and leave him alone. It hurt to see how sad her eyes were when she looked at him at school, but he was determined on following his course.

After a couple of weeks, Mitsuba finally managed to corner him after school.

“We need to talk,” she said.

“...I have nothing to say.”

“Well, I have some things you need to hear. I don’t know why you decided to stop talking to me. I don’t understand why you don’t want to go out with me anymore, but I can live with that, if that is what you decided. Just, please, promise me that you will stop giving me the silent treatment. If you don’t want to see me outside of school… so be it. I won’t be clingy and annoying. But please don’t tell me that our friendship all this time means nothing to you.”

Toshiro stared into Mitsuba’s eyes, shiny with unshed tears, and felt his heart break all over again.

“I- I can’t… I- won’t it be harder that way?” his voice sounded a little hoarse.

“No! You big idiot! Don’t give me that macho strong and silent crap! I can live with not dating anyone, but I’m not willing to lose a friend. So just get over yourself and stop acting like a fool.”

“Uh, okay…?”

“You better sit with me at lunch tomorrow. I’m not taking no for an answer this time.” Mitsuba gave him a fierce look and stalked off.

Toshiro barely made it to the bathroom to splash some water in his face, as his eyes burned and his chest hurt with a confused mix of despair, hope, and regret. Why did Mitsuba still want to talk to him, even after he hurt her? What did she mean, she didn’t want to lose a friend? It was true, having gone back to being by himself for a week or two, he felt more lonely than ever in the past. Being alone - it wasn’t that different from how he had lived most of his life, but it felt different. Something about him had changed. It was a weakness in his heart, but it pulled at him. A bond that hurt the more he tried to tear free of it. 

It should be fine if he just spent time with her at school, Toshiro decided. He’d stayed out of trouble at school, and he didn’t think the gangs and troublemakers he’d fought with would find him here. He’d just be careful to cover his tracks so trouble would not follow him to school.

Toshiro and Mitsuba continued to be friends at school, and gradually both became more comfortable again. It was their third year of high school, and they both kept busy with activities, exams, preparing to graduate. Mitsuba seemed content with how things were, but Sougo’s pranks and harassment of Toshiro intensified, getting more destructive and vicious. Toshiro just took it in stride. Watching out for Sougo fit right in with his watchful habits whenever Toshiro stepped outside his apartment.

After graduation, Mitsuba went on to medical school and Toshiro to music school, both moving to Tokyo, but going their separate ways. Mitsuba brought Sougo along with her. Moving back to the city was like starting with a clean slate yet again, and Toshiro poured himself into his schoolwork, avoiding street trouble. Busy with their studies, they barely saw each other. Still, somehow Mitsuba took on a role of fixing up his social life, despite Toshiro grumbling and protesting that he didn't need it. She dragged him to student mixers and even sent him on a couple of dates. Which did not work out. Despite his exasperation, deep down inside Toshiro was touched that she worried about him and grateful that she remained his friend. He still felt guilty for breaking her heart, and hoped that someday she would find someone to make her happy.


	9. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little explicit ahead...

_present day - end of November_

Hijikata cleared his throat, settling his back against the park bench, and pulled out a cigarette. He kept looking straight ahead as he smoked, deep in thought. Gintoki looked at him expectantly, but the silence stretched.

“So… that wasn’t bad. The kissing…” Gintoki tried eventually.

“Yeah…”

“I wouldn’t mind doing that again… somewhere more private.” Gintoki grinned and waggled his eyebrows.

“Um…”

“You have a few hours to kill before you have to go, right? Wanna come over to my place? It’s not far from here. Kagura won’t get home from school for another few hours.”

“Okay… Just don’t… expect too much,” Hijikata’s cheeks were pink. _That’s too cute,_ thought Gintoki.

“Don’t worry. I know what to do and I wanna do whatever feels good to you. Just go with the flow and let me know if you want to stop. C’mon.” 

Gintoki could not believe his luck. He’d been trying to figure out how to approach Hijikata, for months! Gintoki had been worrying about how his friend would react. Would he be disgusted? angry? Would he want to stop being friends? And here Hijikata was, kissing _him_. Gintoki felt like he was floating on air as they made their way to his apartment. Hijikata was quiet and tense, walking beside him and occasionally blowing out cigarette smoke.

They walked in the door, and Hijikata turned to him with a determined look.

“Hey, relax a little. No need to rush anything,” smiled Gintoki.

“I might lose my nerve if I wait any more,” Hijikata looked away awkwardly, but then pushed Gintoki against the wall and kissed him again. His lips demanding and firm, his fingers ran through Gintoki’s hair, twisting convulsively, snagging on his messy curls. Gintoki responded in kind, the urgency setting his insides on fire. After the initial kiss, they paused.

“Let’s take our coats off, at least, and maybe sit down…?” Gintoki suggested, trying to catch his breath. “I’d offer you a drink, but we both want something else more,” he chuckled. They stripped off the outer layers, and Hijikata hanged his dress coat neatly so it wouldn’t get rumpled, his movements just a tiny bit jerkier than normal.

Once they made it all the way into the living room, Gintoki sat down into a nest of cushions, pulling Hijikata towards him and into another kiss. He slipped his tongue in the other’s hot wet mouth, tasting the bitter smoky flavor, sucking it in. Hijikata straddled his lap and ran his hands up his arms to his shoulders, as they kissed. Gintoki pulled him closer and pressed his palms against his ass, feeling the heat of his body through the fabric, listening to his heavy breathing and the wet smacking of their lips and tongues. He wasn’t sure how long they kissed like that, as everything else faded into the background.

Hijikata bucked his hips, grinding against him, then hesitated, pulling back and looking at Gintoki and trying to catch his breath. Gintoki looked at Hijikata, his blue eyes nearly black, face flushed with arousal rather than alcohol this time. He wanted to take things slow, no, he wanted to push Hijikata down and take him right there right now. All those months of watching him and fantasizing were making his blood boil. But it wouldn’t be right. What he really wanted… it was hard to think, he was drowning in those beautiful hypnotic eyes, that man who looked at him with a mixture of desire and plea and a little fear. That last startled him and helped him get a hold of himself.

“I want you… don’t worry. Have you… been with a guy before?”

“...no…” in a small voice.

“We’ll take things slow then. Come into my room. Let’s get rid of some of these clothes,” he smiled gently. “You still have to look presentable later…”

They went into Gintoki’s bedroom, to his futon that was still messily laid out from the night before. He helped Hijikata unbutton his dress shirt and pull it off, tossing it to the side, then the rest of their clothes down to underwear. Gintoki feasted his eyes on the man in front of him. _So beautiful_ , he thought.

“Mind if I let down your hair?” Receiving a nod in response, he did so.

Gintoki ran his hands through the cascading thick black locks, and kissed him again, this time slowly, as he pressed their bodies together, enjoying their combined body heat. Continuing the kiss, he reclined them to lie on the futon, their legs entangled. He moved to kiss along Hijikata’s jaw, lick the side of his ear, and suck softly down his neck, looking for sensitive spots. He was rewarded by soft gasps and moans, as Hijikata ran his hands down his back mindlessly and then caressed and kneaded his buttocks. He could feel the pressure and hardness against his thigh, mirroring his own excitement. Encouraged, he shifted a little to pet his way down the other’s toned chest and belly, enjoying the feel of firm muscles and the silky smoothness of his skin. He paused to caress his nipples in a light circular motion. When Hijikata responded with a slight shiver, Gintoki kissed his way down along a collarbone and licked and teased a stiffened nipple with his tongue. When he rubbed a hand over the other’s clothed erection, the soft groan almost made him lose his mind. 

Gintoki felt hot and chilled at the same time as he pulled down the underwear and then grasped Hijikata’s cock. It was hot and hard as a rock in his hand, and… “I wanna taste you… so bad... okay?” he pushed out the words with an effort of will.

Hijikata’s blue eyes looked a little stunned, then, “yeah… I... want you to…”

Gintoki closed his eyes as he took him in his mouth and sucked lightly, his own cock twitching at the low moans he was hearing, the musky scent and flavor on his tongue. He liked giving head, and the mere idea of it being Hijikata was exhilarating. Gintoki moaned himself as he felt the silky smooth cock fill his mouth. He pulled back a little, running his tongue around the head and along the shaft, his hands fondling the delicate skin around and behind the balls. He tasted the precum beading at the tip and swallowed down as he enveloped the hot shaft in his mouth again, letting it into the back of his throat. He kept moving and sucking, his eyes losing focus, as he felt a hand petting the back of his head. Gintoki lost track of time a bit there, coming back to himself when the pitch of Hijikata’s voice changed a little, as he stiffened, tensed, and then released with a shudder. Gintoki swallowed down the liquid, giving him a last few licks to catch any drops, and then shifted up to embrace the limp body next to him.

Hijikata put his arms around him weakly, trembling a little as he caught his breath. Now that Gintoki looked him over again, he noticed the messy tangled hair, shorter strands sticking to his face, the darkened lips with bite marks, the tiredly half-lidded eyes. The whole thing just blew him away all over again, as he realized that it wasn’t just a daydream this time, they were there for real. Hijikata wanted him too, for real.

“What about you?” Hijikata’s soft voice broke in on his thoughts.

“Oh, I can finish up the old-fashioned way,” grinned Gintoki, reaching with his hand into his boxer shorts.

“Can I see?”

“Sure, be my guest.”

Gintoki slipped off his underwear and wrapped his hand around his own cock, feeling Hijikata’s eyes on him. His tip already moist and dripping, he had plenty of lubrication to get the job done. Gintoki didn’t expect his partner to move in, put an arm around his shoulders, and start kissing him while he stroked his erection. It caused a shudder of sweet warmth to run through him from the top of his head down to his toes. Then he felt another hand around his, helping him along. The extra warmth and friction, the feeling of soft long hair hanging like a sheltering curtain around them and feathering along his skin, while he was held and languidly kissed, the familiar smoky scent mixed with musk, sweat, and sperm, soon these sensations took him over the edge, and his eyes closed as Gintoki floated in a mind-bendingly sweet orgasm. 

They lay together in a messy sweaty tangle, feeling relaxed and warm, enjoying the afterglow. 

“I wanna sleep now, just like this, but I have to go… Can I use your shower?” mumbled Hijikata. He really did look half-asleep.

“Of course. Uuup we go!” as Gintoki boosted him up to get to his feet, his voice sounding way more energetic than he felt.

***

Hijikata finished his shower and was getting his clothes back on. Gintoki had cleaned up and was wearing a soft t-shirt and his boxers, lounging and drinking a strawberry milk.

“I, uh, I’ll be able to take a little time off from schoolwork this coming weekend… Maybe I can see you then?” said Hijikata.

“Yeah, this weekend’s good.”

“I’ll text you later, and we can make plans.”

He finished dressing, picked up his bag and cello case, and walked over to Gintoki, giving him a long look. As he was starting to move away, Gintoki caught him by the tie and pulled him back for a kiss full on the mouth, making Hijikata’s cheeks color slightly.

“I gotta go.” A little smile, a wave, a swish of a ponytail, and he left, shutting the door softly. Gintoki let out a long breath and lounged back on his cushions, a slow smile spreading across his face.

***

Hijikata did not want to leave, especially not to go to some stupid reception at Sasaki’s house. He held onto the euphoria, his skin still tingling from the time spent with Gintoki. He felt high as if he might float away and at the same time incredibly alive, and he realized that he never had this kind of feeling before. He cared for Mitsuba and he had thought he enjoyed fooling around with her, but it never felt like this. He had never felt on fire like this. It was strange that he felt this way with Gintoki, but he had stopped worrying about his sexual inclinations some time ago. He had always had more important things on his mind. There would be plenty of time to figure this out, starting the coming weekend, when he would see Gintoki again.

Since he was dressed in his formal best, still with his cello along, he took a train and then walked to Sasaki’s house. Not even the breezy late November evening chilled him. At the house Hijikata was greeted by the usual butler and ushered into a different western style room than he had seen before.

Among several small groups chatting, Hijikata saw most of the department faculty and a few students. The side tables held drinks and trays of refreshments, and a few armchairs were scattered throughout the spacious room.

While he stood at the threshold, looking around, Abe-sensei walked up to him.  
“Ah there you are! Well done, Hijikata-san. Would you like something to drink?”

“Thank you, sensei.”

“Here, do you like gin and tonic? I’ll mix it for you.” She seemed even friendlier than usual. 

“I haven’t had it before. Thanks.” He sipped at the drink with an odd though pleasant bitter piny flavor. He stood around listening to conversations around him as he enjoyed the drink. After a while he went over to the side table to get some food, belatedly realizing that he forgot to eat dinner.

“Hijikata-san,” he was startled by Sasaki’s appearance next to him. “It was a fine performance. I’m informed that you have won the competition,” Sasaki said gravely.

“Thank you, sensei. I didn’t know the results would be ready so quickly.”

“This is inside information at this time. Come, have a celebratory drink. Will you take wine, or something stronger?”

A little surprised, Hijikata accepted a glass of red wine, something else he hadn’t had before, and sipped carefully. It was an intense and dark flavor, which he liked.

“How do you like it? It’s a rare french vintage.”

“It’s very good.”

“Your performance at the competition was remarked on by some very important people, it should please you to know. A credit to your hard work and dedication.”

“Um, thank you… “

“There are some very prestigious positions that could become available, if you continue to impress the right people.”

Sasaki continued to describe some of these elite and prestigious positions at some length. Hijikata felt bored and impatient to leave, but he endured. As so often the case in their interactions, he didn’t have much to say, so he nodded politely, gave brief responses as appropriate, and sipped at his drink. 

As one drink turned into another, Hijikata lost track of time, drifting in and out of conversations. All of a sudden his phone rang, startling him. Hijikata excused himself and checked the screen, surprised to see Mitsuba’s name on the caller ID. He stepped out of the room to take the call in the hallway.

“Hello, Mitsuba? What's up?”

_“Oh Toshiro-kun, hello, sorry to disturb you... You see, something's been bothering me. And then I finally remembered where it was I saw your advisor. Sasaki-san, wasn’t it?”_

“Yeah…”

_“Does he have a heart condition? That he has to take medication for?”_

“No... Not that I know of. I can try to find out. Why?”

_“Well, that's very strange. You see, I saw him at the pharmacy at my medical school. Which is on the opposite side of the city. It must have been a couple of months ago... He picked up some digoxin, and he looked like he was trying not to get noticed.”_

“What’s that?”

_“Oh, right, it's a heart medication. Not something someone should have lying around - it’s poisonous. But it was strange, I overheard him talking with the pharmacist, and he definitely used a different name, not Sasaki. And then, I remembered you talking about that death at your school, how the old man was taking some heart medication and had an overdose, and his heart stopped. It sounds a lot like this drug, an overdose might not kill someone, but it would definitely make them really sick.”_

“Wait wait wait, are you saying that Sasaki somehow had that same heart medicine, and you think he might have had something to do with what happened to Suzuki?”

_“Yeah... But I don't know if he would have the opportunity to tamper with the medicines or even a reason to. Do you think we should tell the police?”_

“Hmm, maybe. This is all just a bunch of speculation though.”

_“I know… But pharmacies always have video cameras for security, so at least it would prove he had this drug.”_

“True… if he had the drug and the motive, it does look pretty suspicious.” 

_”Anyway, be careful. I'm worried something's not right with your professor. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but he worries me. Aren't you at his house now? Try not to stay too late. And text me when you’re on your way home.”_

“I’ll be fine. C’mon, he’s my professor. What do you think he’s gonna do?” 

_“I don’t know… just, please text me, okay?”_

“Okay, fine. It’ll be fine. I gotta go now, okay?" 

_”Have a good night, Toshiro-kun, and be careful.”_

Hijikata ended the call and paused in thought. Sasaki has been acting suspiciously, and he certainly stood to gain from having Suzuki out of the way. He was now able to take over the department, and the administration would likely confirm him as the permanent Dean. He met with Suzuki frequently and could have had access to his pills. The fact that Mitsuba saw him getting that same medication, in a shady way, was very suspicious. Hijikata decided it would be best to keep quiet and act like he didn’t know anything, then go to detective Sato with this new information. 

Hearing approaching footsteps, Hijikata looked up to see Nakamura turning the corner.

“Ah, hello there, Hijikata-san. Hope I'm not interrupting anything.”

“Oh no... I just finished my call. I was thinking of heading home soon actually.”

“Come on! It's too early to go. Come, I'll get you a drink. Don't leave me here with all the old fogeys," Nakamura chuckled. Hijikata figured the secretary had had a few drinks already.

“Alright.” Soon Nakamura was handing him a glass. Hijikata found himself drawn into a spirited discussion about sports cars and motorcycles, and the pros and cons of different designs for street racing. He had never raced, but knew a bit about motorcycles from Kondo, who used to tinker with them before he moved to Tokyo. For the first time that evening, he relaxed and enjoyed the conversation.

Sometime later someone tapped Hijikata on the shoulder. Looking around, he noticed that there were a lot fewer people in the room. Blearily he turned to the person trying to get his attention.

“Hijikata-san, do you know where the bathroom is?” It was Abe-sensei.

“Uh yeah, let me show you.” He got up shakily, realizing he must have had more to drink than he intended. Walking around sounded like a good idea. Nakamura waved at him with a vacant grin as he walked off.

They walked down the hall, and Hijikata pointed out the bathroom to the woman next to him. Left alone in the hallway he leaned his back against a wall, suddenly feeling tired, his limbs heavy. What time was it? He peered at his watch, blinking to clear his vision. Recalling his conversation with Mitsuba, he decided it was time to leave. First he had to take his leave of the host. Hopefully Sasaki was back in the reception room. Rubbing his eyes, he made his way along the hallway, and opened the western style door, leaning against the doorway to keep his balance. And froze.

The sound of piano spilled out of the room, _für Elise_. The very same piece he had played here just a few weeks ago. With just the same little pause in an odd place, not notated in any written versions, giving it an eery halting inflection. Hijikata stared at the man seated at the piano, and Sasaki turned and looked back at him.

“Come in, Hijikata-san. It’s a lovely piece, is it not. I enjoyed your interpretation the other day.”

“How…?” He walked a few steps into the room and felt a little dizzy. He realized belatedly that he was in the Rose room, not the reception room at all.

“Oh, perhaps you’d better sit down,” suddenly Sasaki was next to him, helping him down onto one of the white couches. “Are you bothered by me knowing that you played the piano in here? Do you think it suspicious?”

Hijikata blinked slowly. 

“Yeah, you are acting suspicious. This whole time, it’s been one thing after another. And now you’re saying you’ve been spying on me too? What is it you want from me!?” He got to his feet abruptly, in his agitation. His thoughts felt sluggish, but then all sluggishness was blown away by the blinding rage at the man in front of him. “You think now you got the Dean out of your way, you can do whatever you want?!”

Sasaki looked momentarily surprised, but recovered quickly.  
“So, Hijikata-san, you think I had something to do with the late Dean’s death? Tell me.”

“You got those drugs he overdosed on. You wanted to get him out of the way, and you knew about his heart condition. It must have been easy for you to get to his pills and set it up.” Hijikata’s eyes were wide, but he could not seem to stop talking, carried on the wave of anger and drunken impulse. 

“Ah, you seem to have a suspicious mind and a little medical knowledge. How unfortunate. However, there couldn’t possibly be any proof that I had this medicine.”

“You might have gotten rid of it, but someone saw you getting it. It must be all over the security tapes too.” Hijikata was starting to calm down and trying to think of how to get out of this situation. Better to just leave, as soon as possible.

“Tsk… either way, all it is is a bunch of speculation. It could be troublesome, but nothing to worry about,” Sasaki mused, then turned his bored looking gaze back to Hijikata. “Won’t you keep me company some more? You made an excellent dinner companion. Such a good boy, always doing what you are told.”

Another wave of long suppressed anger, pent up over months, suddenly rolled over Hijikata. He gave up trying to control his emotions. Clenching his teeth he put it all into a punch to Sasaki's smug face. The pain in his hand didn't register as Sasaki fell back a few steps, staring in shock. Hijikata staggered, his balance betraying him, and barely stayed on his feet. Strange, he didn't think he drank that much. 

“Did you do something to the wine?”

“My, full of suspicion today, Hijikata-san. Perhaps you should be more careful, if you can’t hold your liquor.” Sasaki grimaced, dabbing his face with a white handkerchief.

Hijikata took a swaying step back, as his eyelids grew heavy, and his vision darkened around the edges. He blinked tiredly, and sank down to the floor, strength suddenly leaving his legs.

Vision blurring, Hijikata looked up at Sasaki’s face looming over him, looking inexplicably surprised. If he didn’t know better, he would have even thought Sasaki looked concerned. Hijikata’s eyelids grew too heavy to keep open, and his tired and bemused mind sank into oblivion.

***

It was dark. Hijikata felt as if he were floating, yet slightly nauseous as if he was carried along on a whitewater raft, with unexpected turns and drops. He could not move, could not even open his eyes. Or maybe they were open, but it made no difference. He also heard voices, oddly distorted and barely understandable.

_“You wear your hair differently... You looked quite lovely in the wisteria kimono the other evening, by the way. That was always your favorite, wasn’t it. The blue background sets off your eyes…”_

_“If I could lock you up and never let you go... I would never let you go again. I would keep you safe, forever...”_

_“That poor old fool… He had no idea what he was doing. That medicine won’t help him now. And good riddance. He doesn’t matter anymore...”_

_“Now be a good boy and stay here quietly, so I don’t have to gag you. Can’t have the wrong people finding you too early...”_

The voices blended together and became incomprehensible, then went still.

***


	10. Missing

Gintoki couldn’t stop smiling. He stretched out on his favorite cushion as usual, masking his face with a recent issue of Jump. Despite his habitual behavior, Kagura still gave him a sharp look when she walked in. 

“Is dinner ready aru, Gin-chan?”

“Oh, I think there is something in the fridge, help yourself,” he picked at his ear languidly.

“Why are you in such a good mood aru? Did you get some coupons for free food? Or win at pachinko?” she wrinkled her nose at that last.

“Nothing special…”

“Uh-huh, right,” she gave him a hard look but left it alone.

“Want to play some videogames after you eat? You’re done studying for the night, right?”

“Yeah, but don’t think you can beat me so easily, just because you had a lucky day!”

They ate dinner and started up a fighting videogame. Gintoki couldn’t sit still, jumping around, and both of them yelling as they played. They got so involved in their competition, going round after round, that they lost track of time. Suddenly, a loud ringing noise interrupted the game. Gintoki rifled through the floor cushions, and found his phone after a few moments.

 _“Sakata-san? I’m sorry to call so late. This is Okita Mitsuba, we met earlier today…”_ came a tremulous voice over the phone.

“Yes? Is something wrong?” What time was it anyway? Gintoki looked around for a clock on one of the kitchen appliances - 23:17.

_“Well, it’s just, have you heard from Hijikata-san recently?”_

“No, not since this afternoon.”

_“He was supposed to text me when he was on his way home from the reception, but I haven’t heard from him, and he’s not answering his phone. And he hasn’t come home, I just spoke with Yamazaki-san... I was just trying to see if anyone has heard from him, and Kondo-san gave me your number…”_

“I’m sure he’s just delayed somewhere and his phone died or something.”

_“I’m just worried… That advisor of his, I think he’s involved in a murder… I’d just told Toshiro-san what I remembered seeing, and what if…”_

“Let me get this straight, you think something links his professor to a murder?”

_“Oh, yes, right. I saw him acting suspicious, and at the time he got a heart medicine, the same one that the dead man overdosed on.”_

“Does he know you saw him?”

_“I don’t think so…”_

“So there is no reason to think Hijikata is in any sort of danger. Even if that stuck-up guy is a killer, he has no idea anyone suspects him, and it would be way too reckless to do anything in his own house.”

_“Do you really think so? I just have a bad feeling.”_

“Let’s wait till morning. Then we can call the police and talk to that detective in charge of the case, what’s her name, Sato. You can tell her what you saw, and if Hijikata is still not back they can look into that too. Call me first thing in the morning, and I’ll come to the police station with you.”

 _“Okay, thanks for listening. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”_ Mitsuba disconnected the call. Gintoki frowned in thought. He hadn’t liked the professor, and Sasaki had been giving Hijikata a bad time for months, but murder? Hijikata was probably just fine.

“Did something happen to Toshi?” Kagura brought Gintoki back from his musings.

“Probably nothing. A friend of his was worried and looking for him. But his phone is probably dead, that’s all.”

“Have you ever seen him forget to charge his phone?” Kagura asked doubtfully.

“No… now that you mention it. Okay, I’ll try calling him.” Gintoki called Hijikata’s number and listened to the beeps, ringing for half a minute before clicking over to a recorded message. “That’s odd. It rang, so the phone isn’t dead. I can’t imagine him just ignoring calls and messages.”

“Maybe he’s lost his phone aru.”

“That’s weird, but I guess even he could have lost his phone. I do all the time…”

Gintoki sent a quick text asking Hijikata to get in touch. Then he sat hunched over in thought. Feeling restless, Gintoki paced across the room and got a cup out, rustling around cabinets for something, he could not remember what.

“Gin-chan… Do you want me to come with you to look for him?”

“We’re not going anywhere till morning. And don’t you have school tomorrow, Kagura?”

“The way you’re acting, you’ll be wearing a hole in the floor with your fidgeting, and I won’t get any sleep anyway. So let’s go.”

“Ok, do you have the number for that detective lady on the case with your brother? She ought to have the address of everyone involved.”

Kagura went through her pockets, and among stray sukonbu wrappers and lint she found a crumpled up name card. “I think here it is aru.”

They called detective Sato’s number, but had no luck reaching her. Gintoki left a brief message and scratched his head.

“Maybe you should call Mitsuba-san, she might know…” And so he did. Mitsuba didn’t know the address, but thought Hijikata’s roommate might be able to find some notes in his room. After about 10 minutes she called back and said, “Yamazaki-san found a map of directions printed out in Toshiro-san’s room, it looks like it might be the right place. He will text you a picture of it.”

Sure enough, a text message from an unknown number came along, and there was a picture of a map and directions to an address. Gintoki and Kagura pulled out a map and figured out how to get there. Now it was a matter of getting on Gintoki’s scooter and tracing the route Hijikata would have taken from the professor’s house to the train station, since he didn’t use his bike that day.

“Let’s hope it’s the right address, and not some other random place he went to aru.”

“The date on the printout is about right for when he first had to go to his advisor’s house for practice, so it’s pretty likely to be it.”

The cutting wind blew through stray curls that escaped Gintoki’s helmet, and colorful city lights blurred as they sped through the inky night, dodging around traffic. It was near midnight, but the main streets of the city were still awake, some neighborhoods glittering with active night life. The way from the train station took them by smaller back streets, quiet and deserted this time of night. They passed by residential buildings on the narrow streets, with occasional trees and container gardens rustling in the wind. There were no signs of Hijikata. Coming up to the destination they saw a tall impenetrable stone wall with a heavy looking wooden gate.

“Let’s look for a place to climb up and take a look-see,” whispered Gintoki.

He rolled the scooter quietly along the wall. At the edge of the property there was an alley, and they went down it looking for a more accessible spot in the back. The wall out back was slightly less well-maintained, and there were places with better handholds and footholds to climb up the wall. Kagura scampered up and sat on top of the wall looking around.

“It’s all dark aru,” she said. “No one is moving around, and I don’t see or hear any dogs.”

“Okay, I’m going to go take a look. You stay here and be my lookout. If anything goes wrong, I want you to get out of here, and meet me by the station. If I don’t make it there… call Zura, okay? If you explain the situation, he’ll know what to do.”

“Fine, Gin-chan. Don’t make me have to run away, okay?”

“I’m going now.”

Gintoki climbed up the wall then lowered himself quietly into the back of the garden. Sneaking in felt almost nostalgic, his thoughts going back to another grand estate, with whose walls he was intimately familiar. He made his way past trees and manicured shrubs, around the back of the building. Stopping next to the wall of the house, he listened carefully, then peered around the corner into the dark inner garden. All was silent and still, with only occasional noises from the city in the distance. There were no lights in the house that he could see. Growing bolder, Gintoki slipped off his shoes, stepped up to the veranda running along the side of the house, pulled on his driving leather gloves, and carefully slid open one of the panels. The room inside was dark and quiet.

Gintoki stepped in carefully, pulling out his trusty pocket flashlight. Inside the house was much darker than city streets with their everpresent lights, and he didn’t intend to stumble around someone else’s house. He stepped softly, catlike, holding his shoes in one hand. The layout seemed traditional, and he quickly covered most of the place, finding no signs of life. On one side of the house he found several rooms furnished in the Western style. One seemed to be a music room, with a white grand piano glinting in his faint light. No one was there, and Gintoki was about to turn away when he caught sight of something. Investigating closer, he definitely recognized the slightly battered cello case, three distinctive parallel scratches running along one side. So he _had_ been there. Bringing his hand to the chandelier, Gintoki felt no warmth from the light bulbs. 

Gintoki looked around the room some more, shining his flashlight at one of the white couches. There something caught his eye. A long black hair. Well, that didn’t mean anything. Plenty of people had long black hair. That was left on the armrest of the couch and not on the back... 

Gintoki checked another western-style room that was probably used for the reception. There was a collection of glasses on the side tables. He checked the sideboard closely - there was a number of empty and nearly empty bottles and more glasses. It was strange that the room hadn’t been cleaned up. Scanning around he saw something bright on the floor. As he bent down, his eye caught something else rolled just under one of the couches. Something that made him go cold inside. A little white pill. 

Each thing by itself could have had a perfectly innocent explanation, but taken all together, there were too many details that were suspicious. The whole thing just didn’t smell right. Hijikata would never leave his cello behind, Gintoki knew how careful that guy was with his stuff. He didn’t know the story behind the cello, but from the way Hijikata handled it earlier that day, it was obviously important. 

Gintoki left everything in its place, grateful that his gloves kept him from leaving any fingerprints. There were just a couple more rooms left to check. However, his hopes were dashed as he found no one there. Silently he slipped out of the house the way he had come in and ghosted his way past the storehouse and a garage, also deserted, and what looked like servants’ quarters. There, some people were sleeping, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Deciding there was nothing more to be found there, Gintoki turned to go back. Suddenly he felt as if he were being watched. He went perfectly still, trying to blend in with the shadows along the wall of the storehouse, and strained to hear any suspicious sounds. A darker shadow crossed the courtyard, but when he went in pursuit, seemed to vanish into thin air. After further searching around yielded no results, he returned to the wall where Kagura was waiting.

“Let’s go,” he whispered and climbed over the wall back to the street.

“Did you find any clues, Gin-chan?”

“Hijikata isn’t there. Neither is his professor. Something’s not right, but I have no idea where they might be. I guess we’re gonna have to call the police.”

“In the middle of the night?” Kagura almost looked excited.

“Let’s try that detective lady again.”

“Gin-chan… do you think.. If that professor guy you were talking about killed the other professor, that means they’ll let my brother go?”

“He might still be in trouble, but it would go much better for him, definitely.”

Kagura smiled then, and Gintoki felt a little pang inside. Determined, he dialed detective Sato’s number once again.

***

He woke up.

Hijikata woke up in a dark place, groggy and disoriented, his head pounding. The pungent smell of cedar filled his nose. Just like...

_He remembered another dark place, small fists sore from hitting the door, his throat tight, his face streaked with angry tears. He would curl in on himself on the dusty bare wood floor, wrapping his arms around the knees, his insides a ball of misery._

He shook his head. He wasn't a kid locked in a closet, he was a university student, an adult. Calming down a little, Hijikata tried to get his bearings and remember what happened. He was in complete darkness, hearing nothing but his own gasping breaths and the fast beating of his heart. He was lying curled on his side on something soft. Feeling around, it seemed to be a futon. As he tried to brush his hand through his hair, there was a metallic clinking. What? One of his hands was handcuffed, Hijikata found, as he felt around, to a chain attached to the wall. There was some slack but not enough to allow free movement. His arm and shoulders were stiff from having been restrained in the same position for some time. Hijikata pulled against the restraint convulsively, but it didn’t give. After a few moments of feeble struggling, the slight feelings of nausea grew and Hijikata had to stop to keep from throwing up, holding himself around the middle. As he lay quietly breathing, his stomach settled a little.

Bit by bit things were coming back to him. Performing at the competition, seeing smiling faces of his friends, then… being with Gintoki. Hijikata felt blood rushing to his face as he remembered. Then the reception, talking to a parade of people, punching Sasaki.

But why was he here in the dark? Hijikata licked his dry lips, the corners of his mouth feeling raw and sore. His throat felt parched and rough as he swallowed. How long had he been there? His mind felt sluggish as he rubbed his aching head. He figured it must have been some kind of sleeping pills, they had always made him sick. Mixed with alcohol it turned out ten times worse. And the strange voices - was that some sort of a dream? They made no sense. Did Sasaki put him here to keep him from talking? That didn’t make any sense either. The evidence against him would be in the hands of the police regardless.

Hijikata groggily tried to work out what happened, but after some indeterminate time breathing through his nausea in the dark, he must have drifted off to sleep again.

***

First thing in the morning, gray and reluctant, they were going to meet with the detective. Kagura had insisted on coming with Gintoki to the police station, where they also met Mitsuba. The buzz of voices and office noise blurred together indistinctly, harsh artificial lighting turned everything sickly pale, and over all hung a miasma of stale coffee.

“I guess Tokyo’s finest never sleep…” mumbled Gintoki.

“C’mon, Gin-chan! Let’s track down detective lady and get cracking aru!”

Gintoki yawned and turned away from the excessive display of energy at a time that was still practically the middle of the night.

“Kagura-chan, I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic. Kondo-san has an important session at his studio today, but he is worried too," Mitsuba was saying while they waited for detective Sato. "It's just us to figure out this mystery. I’m sure we’ll find Hijikata-san soon.”

“Yeah, and catch the real murderer! We can do it, big sis!" Kagura had enough energy for all of them, despite not getting much more sleep.

"Good morning,” Sato had approached unnoticed. “Come into the conference room, I'll tell you what we've been able to find so far," the detective's serious voice came with a steady reassuring smile.

"Ah good morning, Sato-san." They walked briskly to a small conference room, following the trim dark-haired detective in her neat gray suit, and sat around a worn-looking table.

"We plan to visit Sasaki-san’s residence later today, to get his statement in the light of the new information you have brought us, Okita-san, Sakata-san. Okita-san, could you go over once again, what you saw at your medical school’s pharmacy? We will need as much detail as you can remember about the date and time as well, so we can review the security camera footage."

They spent some time going over Mitsuba’s story from when she had seen Sasaki purchasing heart medication, going over it in detail, and answering the detective’s questions.

“Aren’t you already holding a suspect in this case? Does this change his outlook?” Gintoki asked eventually.

“Actually, given some new information, we are already processing the release of the young man we had in custody. It seems he was not complicit in the death despite his suspicious behavior.”

“You’re letting big brother Kamui go? Yippeee!” Kagura practically bounced out of her seat. “But why was he bugging the professor in the first place?”

“Suzuki-san had acquired some art object that Kamui-san claims belonged to him, some sort of keepsake from his mother. You’ll have to ask him for more details yourself,” Sato replied.

“Oh,” Kagura said in a hushed voice. “Okay. Can I go see him now?”

“He’s still going through some procedures, so you will need to wait, but if you stay around, you can meet him when he is released.” 

"What about looking for Hijikata-san? We tried to reach him again this morning, and he's definitely missing," spoke up Mitsuba.

“You say the Sasaki residence is his last known location? Who was the last person to see him?”

“That would be me, I guess, other than the people at the reception,” said Gintoki reluctantly.

“State your full name and occupation, please.”

“Sakata Gintoki, I’m a freelance musician and stage technician.” Sato wrote in her notebook.

“Please tell me in more detail, where you were and how Hijikata-san seemed when you saw him.”

“Uh,” definitely inappropriate images jumped to mind first. Gintoki cleared his throat, gathering his thoughts and assuming his best indifferent expression. “He was in a good mood. He had done well at a music performance earlier that day. Was glad to have it over with, I think. And then we went out for drinks to celebrate. Okita-san and Kondo-san were there too. Then they left, and Hijikata and I hung out for a bit longer, before he headed to Sasaki's house for a reception. Oh yeah, we went for a walk so he could sober up beforehand.”

“I see.” She was jotting down notes after watching him speak attentively. _Have to watch myself around that one…_ , Gintoki thought. “Do you recall what time this was?”

“Not exactly… maybe around six in the evening.”

“We will need to confirm all the times for when the music performance ended and when everyone was at the bar.”

“Okay…” They went over the details a few times.

“What is your relationship with Hijikata-san? How long have you known him?”

“We’re friends, go out for drinks sometimes, play some music… Let’s see, it’s been maybe half a year?...” Her piercing gaze held him in place, as she waited for him to say more. Gintoki didn’t volunteer any further details. Whatever was blossoming between them was too new and fragile, too unresolved and precious to talk about. It was none of her business anyway.

“Anything else you can remember?” Sato asked eventually.

“Yeah, he had his cello with him when he went, the case looks a little beat up, but the instrument is quality.” Gintoki caught a quick surprised glance from Mitsuba. “Uhh, let’s see… He was wearing a black suit and tie… I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have had time to go home on the way to change or drop off anything.”

“And how was his relationship with Sasaki-san? Did he ever speak of it?” 

“Not really. I got the impression that he didn’t like the guy much, but he was always working his ass off on school assignments, mostly Sasaki’s, and part-time jobs and what-not. Sasaki seemed like an overbearing type. Made Hijikata come over to his house for practice for weeks back in October… He said something about always being put in a western room with a white piano, and how Sasaki would always ask him to play that piano. That’s all I know.”

“Very well. We will also talk to the people who may have seen Hijikata-san at the reception. Please stay and give a full statement to one of my officers. We will look into the evidence of Sasaki-san’s medicine buying activities…”

Just then, an agitated-looking junior police officer rushed into the room and whispered in detective Sato’s ear. She listened calmly, then turned to the rest of the group.

“It seems we have just received a tip-off about some suspicious activity, involving someone with a description matching your missing person. I’m sending some officers to check it out.”

“Please, allow me to go with them,” said Gintoki. “I won’t get in the way.”

Sato gave him a long look, then nodded slowly. “Very well. Okita-san, I need you to stay here and take care of some paperwork to document your statement. Kagura-chan, you may also wait here until your brother is free to go.”

Sato took her leave politely, and Gintoki waved to Mitsuba and Kagura as he left to get picked up by a patrol car. He was glad to be done with idle sitting around, waiting and wondering what had happened to Hijikata, and actually do something. They were finally about to get some answers. At least Gintoki hoped it was the right call, but at this point he would take any lead he could get, and explore however many dead ends it would take.

***

Hijikata woke up in a dark place, disoriented, his head aching. The pungent smell of cedar filled his nose. It was so dark, it made no difference whether his eyes were open or closed. He felt a little steadier and less nauseous than before, and taking a quick stock, he found no unexpected pains or injuries, other than the soreness and stiffness from being handcuffed. He shouted until he got hoarse, but there was no response.

He didn’t know how long he had slept, and how long he lay there after waking up again. The restraint didn’t allow much movement, so he could not really explore the place. Yanking at the handcuffs proved fruitless, and the chain had no give, securely attached to the wall. Hijikata thought again about what had happened, running through the previous evening, but no matter how many times he did, nothing useful presented itself. He was stuck until someone else came in, and he hoped it would be soon, even if it was whoever had put him there. If they bothered to lock him up somewhere, they must want him alive, so eventually someone would have to come with food or water, not to mention a way to relieve his bladder. He hoped it would be soon. All he had to do was wait. All he could do was wait. Hijikata sat up a bit to get more comfortable and settled in to wait. In his head he counted out time in measures of music, to keep himself calm and ready to act. Come what may.

Some hours passed. In the hushed silence surrounding him, Hijikata became aware of a slight creaking and thudding footsteps. Funny how other senses became sharper once you took one away. Someone was approaching with a heavy tread. Hijikata shifted to gather himself into a crouch, gritting his teeth to ignore his aching head and sore arms and shoulders. He edged backwards and ran into a wall, which felt like unfinished wood, leaving splinters in the back of his hand.

Suddenly the door opened and light spilled over him. After hours in the darkness Hijikata was blinded and reflexively covered his face with his free hand. 

“This is the police. We’re here to help. Are you hurt?”

Hijikata still wasn’t sure what was happening, but relaxed a little, his eyes starting to get used to the dim light, once the flashlight wasn’t directed in his face. Blurrily he saw two figures in police uniform walk into the small closet-like space where he was held.

“No, I’m fine… My arm is chained up back there,” Hijikata said, his voice hoarse even after clearing his throat.

The officers made quick work of opening up the handcuffs holding Hijikata in place. They assisted him in getting to his feet and on his wobbly way up the steps out of what turned out to be the basement level of a storehouse. After a few minutes, Hijikata sat outside with a blanket around his shoulders, sipping some water, and feeling much steadier out in the fresh air. The blanket was very welcome in the November morning chill, as he was only wearing his dress shirt and slacks, rumpled from being slept in, and no shoes. Hijikata glanced sideways to where Gintoki was sitting next to him.

“You didn’t have to come all the way out here… I’m sure the police can drop me off at my apartment. You didn’t need to trouble yourself…”

“Yeah, I did. Shut up and drink your water. You still look green around the edges.”

One of the police officers was investigating the main house and storehouse, while the other came over to them and took down Hijikata’s statement about what happened.

“So you woke up here and are not aware of how you came to be confined in the cellar?” the policeman asked.

“That’s right.”

“And you mentioned that the last person you remember seeing was Sasaki Isaburo-san, your advisor at the conservatory? And this was during the reception at his house?”

“Yes, that’s right,” confirmed Hijikata again. He then provided the list of all the people he remembered talking to at the reception. Eventually the other police officer finished his investigation of the empty house and joined them.

“We are finished here, sir, we can give you a ride home if you’d like, and detective Sato will come by and and get a more detailed statement from you later.”

“Thank you. I would appreciate a ride home.”

Hijikata still felt a little ill and disoriented, even as the late morning light brightened around them and the sun rose high in the sky. Now that he was free, the tension that was keeping him alert started to fade. He looked around tiredly, shivering and shifting the blanket to wrap it more tightly against the chill, and his gaze stopped on Gintoki. Hijikata hesitated, taking in Gintoki’s attentive serious look, then gave in to a tiny weak voice in his heart.

“Come home with me?...”


	11. One step forward, two steps back

Sometime later, he wasn’t sure if it was day or night, Hijikata stirred in bed. Yes, it was definitely his futon, the familiar feel and scent of his home of over a year, his home in Tokyo. He felt warm and relaxed under his blanket, so happy to be free of the dark storage closet and chains. He stretched, and then shrank back upon feeling someone else’s limbs. Looking over, he noticed a pale mop of hair sticking out of the blankets next to him. 

Finally Hijikata remembered. He had shamefully passed out in the well-heated car on the way home, then blearily made it up to his apartment. Gintoki put some ointment and bandages on the abrasions on his wrist where the handcuff had been. By then they were both so tired, Hijikata suggested Gintoki just crash there. Hijikata barely remembered even getting to bed. They pretty much fell asleep as soon as they hit the pillows. 

And now… now that he was more rested, Hijikata wasn’t sure what to make of this situation. He only had the one futon, so Gintoki would have had to share it with him. They had fallen asleep in close proximity before. But it had never felt so intimate… so intriguing. And he had never woken up with another person in his bed before, certainly not one that gave him such a strange feeling, making his heart beat a little faster. They were both wearing t-shirts, and Hijikata wore soft pajama pants while Gintoki had his boxer shorts. Hijikata shifted a little closer, feeling warmth as his chest almost brushed against the other’s firm back. Gintoki didn’t move or wake up. 

Hijikata studied the wiry silvery curls sticking out of the blankets. He lay on his side and carefully reached out and ran his fingers over the pale hair on the pillow, his mind absorbed in this tiny detail, blotting out all the events of the past day. The warm body next to him stirred, uncovering Gintoki's face, and sleepy reddish brown eyes surrounded by pale eyelashes blinked open. Hijikata stretched and rolled onto his back as if he hadn't been staring at the other. 

“Mornin',” the Gintoki said yawning. “How're you feeling?”

“Fine... Gonna go make some coffee. You want some?”

“Sure…” Gintoki rolled over and wrapped an arm around Hijikata. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“No problem. You looked exhausted.” Hijikata made to get up, but was pulled back against the warm body next to him. The close contact made his skin tingle. It was strange and a little irritating. At the moment he just wanted to move, not be held down. Hijikata twitched restlessly and swatted at Gintoki.

“It’s good to have you back…” Gintoki leaned over and pressed a light kiss to his cheek, but his casual smile was belied by his arms tightening possessively around Hijikata. 

It wasn’t so bad to be embraced by such strong arms, or was it another sort of restraint? Hijikata felt off-balance, as if his life got shaken up, like one of those glass snow-globes, and pieces were still whirling and settling out all around. He could not deny he felt attracted to Gintoki, but what did Gintoki expect from him now? They had fun together as friends, and apparently both were physically attracted to each other. Would they have to sort out some kind of new relationship and boundaries and expectations? Would Gintoki want to have his hands all over Hijikata all the time now? Constantly touching him and hanging over him? Controlling him? The thought made Hijikata shudder in revulsion, and he tensed as his mind kept going over all the possibilities, still only half-awake and half-coherent. Gintoki must have noticed something, as he let go and patted Hijikata’s shoulder.

“Hey, you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Fine. I just need to use the bathroom and take a shower.”

“Okay, I’ll be here…” Gintoki yawned and burrowed back under the blanket.

Hijikata got out of bed and went through his usual morning routine, even though, upon checking the clock, it was actually early evening. His face in the mirror looked pale, with dark circles under his eyes, his hair messy and tangled. Other than his arm, he didn’t seem to have any marks or bruises anywhere he could see. Hijikata eyed the scratches and was careful of his right arm as he brushed his teeth and took a shower, putting on a simple t-shirt and comfortable sweat pants again. Doing some careful stretches, he felt stiff and sore, but not bad, and had his normal range of motion. The scratches on his wrist looked superficial, as he reapplied some bandages. 

Hijikata sat down and took his time brushing out his hair, the comfort of habit soothing as disarrayed thoughts about what happened - both between him and Gintoki, and his own kidnapping - still circled in his head. He tried fitting the events together in different ways, but they still didn’t make sense. Who could have drugged him? He had a number of unfamiliar drinks that night, so he couldn’t tell which could have had something mixed in. Not to mention lots of people kept handing him drinks, he’d never had to be careful about that before. He cursed himself for being so naive. But why would any of them do it? Maybe he was missing something, but he had a hard time accepting that Sasaki would drug and lock him up in some cellar. Or why would something like that happen to him at all. Hijikata couldn’t think of anything he had done that would have attracted attention. He hadn’t been in any fights or arguments with any dangerous people, as far as he knew. Why would anyone care about an ordinary student like him? 

As for Gintoki, Hijikata decided to wait and see where things go. Gintoki was important to him, as a friend, he knew that much. Hijikata wasn’t sure what he wanted, so he could hardly see how to act in this situation. He couldn’t imagine being all touchy feely with someone, imagining someone constantly touching him made his skin crawl. Like those couples acting all clingy and embarrassing in public that always made him cringe. Would Gintoki want to give him hugs and hold his hand? Were they moving too fast? Maybe he shouldn’t have invited Gintoki home, but that was done now. Maybe it wouldn’t matter and Gintoki will continue to act as before? Then Hijikata wouldn’t need to figure out some new way to act around him. They did kiss, and get each other off… And that had felt good. But did Hijikata want for things to change? Or didn’t he? 

Hijikata sat and kept thoroughly brushing through his hair. The brush moved steadily along his scalp and hair, in time quieting his worries into a meditative state, as Hijikata focused on the measured soothing motion and pleasant tugging sensation on his skin. The familiar ritual brought a sense of peace, as it had countless times before.

After a while, his hair smooth and his mind calmer for the time being, Hijikata went to the kitchen to fix some coffee. There he found a note from Yamazaki, warm rice in the rice cooker, and other food waiting for him.

Once they had had something to eat, Hijikata texted Mitsuba to let her know that he was okay and called the detective to set a time for her to come, which turned out to be in about an hour. Restless, he paced through the modestly sized apartment, then sat in the living room with Gintoki, a bit tense, and tried to think of something to say, without much success. Sighing, Hijikata got up again and went over to the balcony for a smoke. The cigarette felt soothing, but didn’t give him any answers.

“So I heard what you told the police… You’re being so quiet, was there more to the story?” Gintoki asked.

“Not really… I still can’t make any sense of it. Why would someone kidnap me? And, I guess I was lucky the police found me so fast… Who knows what could have happened.”

“You were alone all that time? At least they didn’t do something to you while you were asleep.” 

Gintoki came up behind him and put his arms around Hijikata. Feeling uncomfortable and irritated, Hijikata shook off his arms and walked off to the kitchen. He rustled around distractedly, getting a glass of water, and startled when he noticed that Gintoki had followed him there. 

“If something happened, you’d tell me, right? I’m here for you…” Gintoki said.

“It’s fine. I just need some space. I don’t do hugs. Leave me alone, okay?” 

The words came out more sharply than Hijikata intended, and Gintoki looked away, his eyes turning flat and indifferent. _It’s a mask to hide his feelings_ , Hijikata realized. He wanted to say something to soften his words, but suddenly Hijikata’s phone rang. He saw Tamegoro’s name on the caller ID and picked up quickly.

"Nii-san! It's been a while."

_"Hello, Toshiro. How’ve you been?”_

“Oh... it's been a busy few months… I’m fine. What about you?”

_“I'm at the main house for the week. Going through some business dealings with the old man, annual review of the family finances... Fun stuff.”_

“Well, such is the burden of the oldest son and heir,” Hijikata smirked. “Hope the accounts are adding up.”

_“Don't worry, they’re doing fine. More than fine. Man… for all they claim to be great patrons of the arts, I wish I could convince them to donate even a little to your conservatory…”_

“Oh really? I thought… Didn’t Shizuka send a donation just this year?”

_“No way… I hate to tell you, but whenever I mention it, she gets all snide about what worthless riffraff that school is… I’m sorry, Toshi.”_

“I know. It’s okay. I know how she is.” An old bitter knot tightened in Hijikata’s gut.

 _“By the way, I might be able to stop by Tokyo after I'm done here, maybe we could have dinner,”_ Tamegoro said.

“Yeah! That would be great. I’m not going anywhere, so just let me know when you can meet.”

_“Okay. I gotta go back to work now, I’ll talk to you soon, Toshiro.”_

“Bye, big brother…” Hijikata shut the call down thoughtfully, slowly putting away his phone. 

It had been about a year since he had seen Tamegoro, and months since he had heard his voice. It would be good to see him. Something Tamegoro had said was bothering Hijikata. Why would his step-mother lie about giving money to his school? Was that even possible? She had always hated him, hated his very existence, the most tangible symbol of her husband’s infidelity. Shizuka was a proud and vindictive woman and never made a secret of her opinions. In fact, she was the reason Hijikata Toshiro was not allowed to set foot at the main family estate and the reason he had never had a permanent home.

“What are you frowning about? I thought it’s good news your bro is in town,” Gintoki asked.

“Yeah… It is good news. But something he said was weird. He was talking about how his mother made sure the family would never give money to my school,” Hijikata tried to keep his tone neutral, but he could feel his face twisting. He took in a deep breath. “But I saw a letter… at the office at school. It was a thank you letter for donation, for the school fundraising campaign. And it was addressed to her. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Huh… Well, you guys know your family. He’s probably right about it. What if you flip it around?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, if she really didn’t give a donation, maybe the letter’s fake.”

“Why would the letter be fake? Why would someone want to fake a letter like that?”

“Good question…” Gintoki shrugged, scratching his head. “Hey, can I borrow your guitar?”

“Uh, sure… It’s in my room, I’ll get it for you.” 

Hijikata wasn’t sure what to say without making things more awkward, so he simply handed his guitar to Gintoki in silence. Gintoki sat on the couch and started playing a soft contemplative melody. Hijikata sat down across from him and listened, slowly getting drawn into the steady rhythm of the song with its circling and repeating melody. The atmosphere eased, as both of them relaxed. Music needed no words, and left no room for fretful thoughts. Hijikata found himself tapping a foot in time with the song, the beat speeding up and shifting a little to feel like steps in a dance. He took a deep breath, enthralled, his fingers itching to play along. Gintoki looked over with a tiny smile and kept playing, changing the tune to a fast-paced spirited one. He kept building and building the tempo and drama, and Hijikata was watching, amused, caught up in the flow, watching to see what Gintoki would do...

Abruptly the doorbell rang. The sound of the guitar broke off, the spell of the moment shattered. Hijikata went to open the door, greeting detective Sato and another police officer and inviting them into the living room.

“I’m glad to see you back home,” she said. “Thank you for letting us come so soon. It is helpful to get all the details as quickly as possible. How are you feeling?”

“Fine, just a little sore and scratched up.”

“Now, please tell me everything that happened starting from the day of the music performance, November 28th.”

“Okay…” Hijikata went over the events as he remembered them from when he arrived at Sasaki’s house, to waking up in the dark cellar and being freed by the police. After they were finished with Hijikata's story, all the questions and clarifications, he paused briefly.

"It's there evidence that Sasaki-sensei caused Dean Suzuki's death?”

“We were able to get the security camera footage, the pharmacist's statement, and the written prescriptions and records from the day Okita-san told us about. We are currently going through these materials. If the story checks out, there certainly seems to be motive, intent, and opportunity.”

“I see.”

“And there is the charge of kidnapping as well,” she added gently.

“I can’t really piece together what happened. It’s true that Sasaki-sensei was the last person I saw, but could he really have had something to do with it?” Hijikata frowned.

“You probably aren’t aware of this, but the place where you were confined is a property that belongs to Sasaki-san. I’m sorry to tell you this, but there aren’t too many people that could have done it. Regardless, we have taken him in for questioning in connection with these cases, so you don’t need to worry for your safety anymore.” Sato offered him a reassuring smile.

“I see. I just can’t believe this…” 

“Is there anything else you’d like to tell us that could be relevant to the investigation?”

“Well, I don’t think it’s related at all. I was just wondering, is it possible someone would want to fake a charitable donation thank you letter?”

The detective went very still.  
“Why do you ask?”

“Well, at the admin office, back in the spring, I was talking with the secretary, Nakamura-san, and he was telling me all about the fundraising campaign he was coordinating. And I saw a letter to someone that definitely didn’t make any donations. I just confirmed it today. But it doesn’t make any sense… It’s probably not important,” Hijikata shrugged.

“Perhaps it wasn’t the letter that was fake, but the donation. We will look into this fundraising campaign. Thank you for the information. Please tell me in more detail what you remember about the letter.”

After another short exchange, the police officers took their leave, the apartment falling quiet and still afterwards. Gintoki also quietly got ready to go. Hijikata watched him, feeling torn, unresolved.

“Hey, listen, I want to thank you… for looking for me.” Hijikata twisted the edge of his shirt, looking down. Gintoki paused and gave him a sidelong look.

“Just tell me one thing. Do you regret what we did? I can’t believe it was just yesterday…”

“No, I don’t, I don’t regret it.” Hijikata felt he could answer completely honestly. “I just-... I’m just trying to figure it all out...”

“It’s okay. I gotta go check on Kagura and let her know you’re okay, and you have people you need to talk to as well. I’ll see you soon,” Gintoki said.

“Yeah. I have to sort out some stuff at school, but maybe we could have lunch later in the week?”

“Sounds like a plan. Keep it real, mayora.” With a casual wave Gintoki walked out the door.

***

Later that week Hijikata was back on campus, trying to sort out the bureaucratic fallout on his academic standing caused by the new acting Dean and his advisor getting arrested. Secretary Nakamura helpfully suggested some forms for him to fill out, so that a stand-in faculty could sign off his courses by all the deadlines.

“It’s such a shock… I would not have thought Sasaki-sensei would go so far as to kill someone,” said Nakamura.

“You think he really did it?”

“Switched Suzuki-sensei’s heart pills with higher dosage ones? Who knows - I’m sure the police have analyzed them every which way.”

“So, that’s it? That kid, Kamui was just a nuisance trying to get something from Suzuki-sensei, and the real murderer was the guy who stood to take over running the department? Murder in the name of ambition, huh…” Hijikata scratched his head thoughtfully.

“I guess so. Sometimes it really is that simple, huh. Just follow the money,” Nakamura smiled wryly, his dark eyes gleaming with good humor. 

“What will happen in the department now?”

“I suppose the head of the conservatory will have to step in, to find a new acting Dean… What a mess. Nothing for you students to worry about though. None of this administrative shake-up should affect the courses. Still, it’s a hit to the school’s reputation… We might not do as well with fundraising this year.”

“Oh right, are you going to organize the fundraising campaign again, Nakamura-san?”

“Yes, I do it every year. Come to think of it, you asked me about it before. Ah, yes, I remember now. It was in the spring… Hijikata-san.” Nakamura gave him a narrow look, then smiled. “But here I am, gossiping, when I have so much to do. Forgive me, Hijikata-san, was there any other business I can help you with?”

“No, I think that’s everything. Thanks, I’ll let you get on with your work.” 

Hijikata looked carefully at Nakamura, but the man seemed unconcerned, turning to his computer screen and clicking through some documents calmly. His task finished, Hijikata went on with his day, he had a lecture to get to.

***

A few days later Hijikata was sitting with Gintoki at a ramen shop, having lunch. They still hadn’t had a chance to talk after everything that had happened. The day that Gintoki was at his house, after Gintoki went home, other visitors showed up - Mitsuba, then Kondo. They all insisted on making a fuss, and Hijikata was heartily tired by the time everyone left. Then, later in the evening Yamazaki came home and gave Hijikata a quick medical check, pronouncing him as “going to survive.” In the days after that he was busy dealing with things at school: classes, missed rehearsals, his part-time job, and so on. 

Hijikata lit a cigarette and rubbed his forehead. He felt calmer than before, though still at a loss for how to proceed with Gintoki, so he didn’t say anything.

“So it’s all finished, huh…” said Gintoki.

“Yeah, I guess so. They’ve caught the killer and released Kamui. What’s the story with him anyway?”

“Oh that. Kagura said that he had been having some sort of a gambling problem and somehow had to give up as collateral a little dancer statue that their mom had given him. Which somehow found its way into the hands of a collector - our very own Suzuki. Kamui traced the thing back to Suzuki and demanded to have it back. It seems his negotiating skills aren’t all that. You probably saw some of the ruckus.”

“Yeah… And the old man got pretty attached to that figurine - he showed it to me once.”

“Well, it was never found, and the police don’t have any solid evidence against Kamui, other than previous disturbances of the peace, so they had to let him go.”

“And that’s all there is to the story, I’m sure…” Hijikata took a long slow drag and blew a big cloud of smoke at Gintoki. Who waved his hand in front of his face and grinned.

“Do you have any plans at the end of the week? There’s a neat place I’d like to show you.”

“I’ve sorted out school stuff for now, so I should be able to do something on Saturday.” Hijikata was about to continue, but was interrupted by his phone ringing.

“Hello, Hijikata speaking.”

_“This is Sato, from Tokyo police. Do you have a moment?”_

“Oh, yes, what can I do for you, detective?”

_“Hijikata-san, I have some important matters to discuss with you. Could you meet today?”_

“Yeah, I'm free at three in the afternoon, after rehearsal.”

_“Very well, please come to the police station.”_

“Okay, I’ll see you then, detective.” Gintoki gave him a questioning look. Hijikata shrugged.

“I have to go talk to her about something. Hopefully just some paperwork.”

“It’d be good to put this whole case behind ya.”

“Yeah.” Hijikata busied himself eating his food. He was relieved that Gintoki hadn’t made any moves to touch him or threaten any displays of affection. It was nice to just sit and eat together in silence, without soul searching or difficult questions.

They finished lunch and went their separate ways after that. Hijikata was curious about what would happen on Saturday, but soon got too busy to wonder about it.

***

At the agreed time Hijikata was at the police station. Detective Sato looked grave.

“Is it bad news, detective?” asked Hijikata.

“Yes and no. Do you remember talking about a strange letter you saw in the office of Nakamura-san?”

“The fake donation thank-you letter?”

She nodded. “We conducted an investigation into the fundraising activities. It turns out this was not the only fake. There was a number of substantial donations made under faked identities.”

“But why?”

“We have reason to believe that it is part of a money laundering scheme. In fact, Nakamura-san himself has connections to gang activities. This week we conducted a large operation to arrest the persons involved. However, Nakamura managed to slip away. If you see him, I want to be very clear, stay away and do not attempt any heroics. He is dangerous.”

“Nakamura-san? The department secretary?” 

“Yes. One more thing. When we searched his residence we found a certain drug that was implicated in the death of Suzuki-san.”

“Another drug? But I thought you said the drug Sasaki-sensei had was what killed him.” Hijikata's mind reeled: did this mean everything changed yet again, and Sasaki was not the killer after all?

“This evidence has been kept back from the public. Traces of this illegal synthetic drug were also found in Suzuki-san’s blood, a drug that would cause lethal seizures and cardiac arrest in combination with the medications he was taking.”

“Why are you telling me now?” Hijikata narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“I want to impress upon you, this man is dangerous, he has resources, and now he is desperate. The money laundering has been going on for some time and involved large sums of money. Since you provided information instrumental in the police finding the evidence and busting the operation, I want you to be extra careful. We have no reason to think he is still in town or will go after you, but if you want, we can assign some men to assure your safety.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t need a police detail.” Hijikata frowned in thought, “So you’re saying that it was Nakamura, not Sasaki-sensei, who killed Dean Suzuki? How did he do it?”

“Well, the drug comes in the form of an ointment, not a pill. We are not sure yet precisely how he gave it to Suzuki-san.”

Hijikata suddenly remembered the day of the death, the scene at the Dean’s office vivid in his mind.

“He was handling the pillbox… after I found Suzuki-san on the floor, Nakamura picked it up off the floor and was fidgeting with it. I thought he was just upset, but could that be…?”

“Was he touching it with his bare hands?”

“No… I think… he had a handkerchief in his hands just before that, I think he was still holding it.”

“He could have been using it to wipe the drug off the box in all the confusion. If it was on the pillbox, Suzuki-san could have easily ingested the drug when taking his medication. I’ll get the lab to check it again carefully for any traces. That’s some memory you’ve got, Hijikata-san,” Sato looked at him consideringly.

“Oh… I guess I tend to remember things. Nothing special,” he shrugged. “So what’s going to happen with Sasaki-sensei?”

“He is still under investigation, although it appears that he was not involved in the money laundering activities. It also does not appear that Suzuki-san’s pills were tampered with. While he will be charged with kidnapping and illegally obtaining prescription drugs, he won’t get a murder conviction. He will go to jail and he will certainly lose his position at the conservatory. You don’t need to worry about him. It will take some time for the case to come to court, when you will need to testify. In the meantime, I suggest you move on with your life and let us worry about closing out this case.”

“I see. Thank you.”

Hijikata had the full intention to follow the detective’s advice, as he was leaving the station. His mind was soon on other things - his studies, work. At night he wondered about the killer who had apparently got away, but that was up to the professionals. Hijikata had nothing more to do with it.


	12. Taking action

_early December_

On Saturday Gintoki came to pick him up on his scooter at the agreed time. Hijikata greeted him at the door, already dressed in a casual sweater and jeans and ready for whatever it was Gintoki had in mind. 

“Do you wanna come in?” Hijikata said, feeling unaccountably warm at Gintoki’s crooked smile.

“No, let’s go, get your coat!”

“Where are we going?”

“I thought it's a nice day for a ride.”

“In this cold?” Hijikata peered outside past him, noticing how the tree branches swayed in the wind, and then at Gintoki’s reddened face doubtfully. “At least it's not snowing yet.”

Hijikata put on his warmer coat and a scarf. The two headed outside, walking down the steps to the ground level and to the parking area where Gintoki had left his scooter. Hijikata put on one of the helmets and got on behind Gintoki, putting his hands on the other’s hips, keeping a careful little space between them.

The scooter accelerated smoothly, and they rode briskly away from the apartment building and down the street. After a while they were driving down a mostly empty waterfront road. The sky was a clear pale blue, the wind piercing and cold, and the edges of the road blurred at speed. With the tall sparkling towers of the city on one side and wide open space and the sea on the other, everything was lit up with a bright cool winter sun. Gintoki faced forward, his back solid and inviting, right there in front of Hijikata. Tossing aside his hesitation, Hijikata leaned forward just a little and closed the gap between their bodies, wrapping his arms securely around Gintoki's middle. Immediately he felt warmer. Gintoki sped up in response, and everything fell away as the wind surrounded them, cutting off all other sounds. Hijikata looked up at the sky and soared on the exhilarating feeling, as if they no longer touched the ground.

They zoomed along the empty road for a while, then the scooter slowed. The ride got a little bumpy when Gintoki rolled the scooter off the road and down to the shore. The ocean was a dark bluish gray, with white tops on the distant waves. The beach was deserted and desolate this time of year, seemingly wild without colorful sunbathers, umbrellas, and ice cream stands. Only seagulls paced the sand and cried out plaintively. A cold salty wind blew, bending the faded grass on the dunes, strong gusts catching and whipping around the loose ends of scarves, coats, and hair.

The two dismounted from the scooter and walked along the beach. Hijikata picked up a smooth rounded rock and tossed it idly in one hand, while he looked around.

"Nobody’s here."

“Just us. Isn’t it romantic? Let's find someplace out of this damn wind.” Gintoki shivered and pulled Hijikata to the edge of the dune, where a crevice looked like it might provide a break from the constant icy pressure of the wind. They huddled there, and Gintoki kept shivering. Without thinking Hijikata pulled him closer and put an arm around his shoulder.

“Why did you want to come here? It's fucking freezing. You want my scarf?”

“No... I can think of a better way to warm up.” Gintoki turned his head and gently kissed Hijikata on the lips. Gintoki’s lips felt cool against his, but his mouth felt warm when Hijikata slipped his tongue inside, his eyes closing instinctively. They kissed slowly and gingerly, exploring and feeling each other out. Gintoki’s hand came up to Hijikata’s cheek and swept up to his temple, curving into his hair. Hijikata wasn’t sure where it all was going, but for once, he refused to analyze and second guess, and just gave in to the flow, experiencing the new sensations. Deepening the kiss, Hijikata tightened his arm around Gintoki’s shoulders and wound the other around his waist. The bulky layers of clothes were starting to get in the way. He softly finished the kiss and leaned back, looking Gintoki in the face.

“You know, making out on the beach works much better in the summer… Actually, anytime except when it’s freezing like this, and we have to wear all these winter layers.”

“Hah, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” snorted Gintoki.

“Seems to be a running theme with you.”

“Hey! I have lots of good ideas. All the time.” He pulled Hijikata all the way down to sit on the ground and tried to pull him close again.

“If you want that, let’s go somewhere else… I’m not into freezing my ass off.”

“Pff… and here I went to all this trouble to bring you to a romantic spot. You don’t have a romantic bone in your body!” Gintoki exclaimed. Then, switching to a completely different, businesslike tone, “So what did the police want with you the other day?”

“What? Oh, the case has taken a new turn. Sasaki wasn’t the killer either. You won’t believe this. It was Nakamura all along.”

“Nakamura? You mean… that guy, the secretary from your department? It’s like “the butler did it”?”

“Yeah, apparently he’s a yakuza and was laundering money through fake donations to the conservatory. You remember that letter I was talking about? That’s how they figured it out. But when the police went to shut them down and arrest them, Nakamura got away. And the good detective was warning me to be careful and stay away, and how dangerous he is, and blah-di-blah.”

“No way…”

“Sounds like a bad action flick plot, right?”

“You know…” Hijikata didn’t like that new spark in Gintoki’s eye. “He did give me his card. I could call him up and get him to come out on a date. We could catch him.”

“Are you nuts? Besides what makes you think a criminal on the run is going to agree to go on some date?”

“Oh, he’ll come,” Gintoki grinned, “I have my ways.”

“But so, what are we gonna do once he’s there?”

“Kick his ass and give him up to the police.”

“Sounds like a terrible idea,” Hijikata frowned.

“Well, I have his number. You can’t stop me.” Gintoki looked stubborn. “I don’t like him being out there and coming back to haunt you someday.”

“What part of he’s dangerous do you not understand?! We’re not some sort of shonen manga heroes.”

“I’m dangerous too,” Gintoki’s grin showed sharp fangs. “I’m not just a pretty face.”

“Ugh. I’m not letting you do this alone.”

“Aww, protecting me from the big bad yakuza? How sweet of you.”

Hijikata could feel himself turning red from irritation, his fists tightening. Before he could throw out a response, Gintoki smiled and kissed him on the corner of his mouth apologetically.

“I’ll be careful. Don’t worry. We can set up to meet him at this club, I know the guy who runs it, and he’ll cover our backs.”

“I’m still coming along.”

“Okay, but he’ll get suspicious if he thinks we are together. Or if he sees you at all. We’ll have to do something to make you stand out less, or a disguise or something...”

“What? What do you mean?” Hijikata was genuinely confused.

“Oh come on, don’t you see how people notice you? No, of course you don’t… Anyway, trust me, you’ll attract attention, especially at a nightclub. I have an idea! You can go as a girl, and then Nakamura won’t recognize you.” A wide grin spread across Gintoki’s face.

“Huh?! I’m not gonna dress up in some tight dress! What if we get in a fight?” Hijikata’s hand tightened on Gintoki’s collar.

“Okay, okay, fine. It was just an idea. I bet you’d look good though,” Gintoki looked thoughtful, licking his lips slowly. “Wait, you mean, you’d do it if there were no chance of a fight?”

“Whatever. Get your mind out of whatever perverted fantasy you’ve got going there! We need to come up with a plan. A practical plan.”

***

The evening on the next day they were at the nightclub “Loophole,” a terribly tasteless name, as Hijikata did not hesitate to tell Gintoki. The lights were low and the bass-heavy dance mix pulsated in the background. Gintoki was looking sharp in a snazzy blue button down shirt and tight white pants, and they did their best to disguise Hijikata’s appearance. Gintoki studied Hijikata critically. He looked different with his head covered with a knit hat and his hair out of his face. Hijikata wore a bulky borrowed sweater and scarf wrapped around the lower part of his face, but he was simply incapable of blending in. Even frowning, and staying quiet and still, he still attracted attention. Currently Hijikata was standing next to a small table near the wall, smoking a cigarette and staring a hole into his glass. Gintoki wished he could tell him not to be so stiff and intense. He would have to work extra hard to keep Nakamura distracted.

“Yo Gin-san! Are you playing here tonight?“ the bartender asked.

“Nah, just out to have some fun. And there he is now.”

Gintoki gave a wave and put on a charming smile, as he noticed Nakamura approach, debonaire in a long trench coat, his chin-length black hair glossy in the club lights.

“There you are, Nakamura! Sorry, I started drinking without you.”

“No worries,” Nakamura turned to the bartender, “I'll have what he's having.”

“Have a seat. Have you been here before? Shinji there makes great cocktails.”

Nakamura sat down, rubbing his forehead, then turning to Gintoki with a smile.

“Hey you look tired. Everything going OK?” Gintoki asked.

“Yeah, everything's fine. Just been a busy couple of days. So you're a regular here?”

They proceeded to chat over a few drinks. Over time, Nakamura got friendlier, putting his arm over Gintoki's shoulder. 

“Hey, you want to go to one of the smaller rooms? They have a lounge next door that's quieter, so it's easier to... talk,” Gintoki suggested eventually.

Nakamura gave him a small smile, “That's an excellent idea. Lead on.”

Gintoki glanced over subtly and caught Hijikata's eye as they left the bar area, noting his tiny nod.

They walked down some hallways in the convoluted building, making their way to the quieter small lounge. It had been emptied of other clients as promised by Gintoki's friend, the club manager. Gintoki put his arm around Nakamura's shoulders as they sat down on a low couch and set their drinks on a low table nearby.

“This is much more comfortable,” Gintoki smiled coyly.

“Excuse me just a moment,” Nakamura smiled back, stood up and pulled out his phone to send a quick text message. Then he picked up his drink and took some slow sips, while looking around consideringly at the furniture and commenting about the abstract art on the walls.

In just a few minutes, Gintoki heard a sound of footsteps over the faint beat of the the dance music. Turning towards the doorway, he felt a chill inside when he saw Hijikata walk in, with another man right next to him, his hand on Hijikata’s shoulder. Gintoki’s eyes widened at the glint of a knife held to his friend’s neck. 

At Gintoki's questioning look, Nakamura snorted.  
“You didn't really think you had me fooled for more than a minute? Now,” his tone hardened, “Come along, Hijikata-san, both of you stay calm and chances are good no one will get hurt.”

Nakamura’s accomplice, an average looking man with bland short hair and an average looking face, someone who could easily get lost in a crowd, pushed Hijikata forward into the lounge, but they stopped well out of Gintoki’s reach. Nakamura as well was standing at the opposite side of the room, too far to jump him without risking Hijikata’s life. Gintoki ground his teeth in frustration.

“Don’t even think about any heroics. Perhaps this will help further dissuade you.” Nakamura pulled out a gun, clicking off the safety with a practiced flick of his fingers. Gintoki looked over at Hijikata and noticed him give a tiny head shake, his face strangely calm. What exactly was he thinking? They hadn’t really planned on Nakamura bringing friends, so they would have to improvise a bit.

Gintoki wasn't sure Hijikata would be able to handle himself if it came to a fight, while Gintoki had had to fight his way out of rough situations a few times in the past. But any fight would be woefully short, given the knife at Hijikata’s throat and the gun in play.

“Did you boys think you could succeed where the police failed?” Nakamura continued, visibly amused. His friendly secretary’s demeanor was now completely gone, replaced by a shrewd and sharp, almost predatory expression.

“I wasn't going to come when you called me, but then I got curious and I just couldn't resist the temptation.” Nakamura chuckled. “The police probably think I want revenge, don't they. Too bad for you they are not here. Aren’t you worried I might do something to Hijikata-kun here?”

“So what do you want then?” asked Hijikata quietly.

“Maybe I just wanted to enjoy a drink with an attractive companion,” he winked at Gintoki. “Or maybe it _is_ revenge. But then again, it _was_ my mistake. I should have known it would be too much of a risk to use a name connected to the family of one of the current students. Even if you are disowned and banished from the family home. Actually, I didn’t even realize you were related that closely to the head of the family until you mentioned that. Remember, at the culture festival a month or so ago? That’s when I realized I might have a problem. If only you could have stayed out of the way and oblivious. I was so close to getting away with it all.”

Gintoki was a little shocked to be learning all these things Hijikata had never mentioned before. It was hard to believe he was related to the head of a rich important family, and then banished and disowned on top of that. It sounded complicated. There must be more to the story, thought Gintoki.

“Things were so easy with Suzuki running the department. He trusted me to take care of everything, the senile git. It’s too bad he found out about the donation scheme and decided to clean house. But I took care of him, never fear. Not to mention that thorn in my side, Sasaki, I had him out of the way, nice and tidy too,“ Nakamura continued. 

“But why? What did you have against him?” Hijikata asked.

“He had to go. He was looking too closely at all the administrative details after Suzuki was out of the picture, you know. That damned meddling bastard. You should know all about how much of a control freak he is.”

“You mean, you murdered Suzuki and then you framed Sasaki to take the blame?”

Nakamura laughed, “Ah, that was a bit of serendipity. Initially I figured it might just be considered an accident with his medication. It was not my plan to set up Sasaki begin with. I just needed to get him removed from his faculty position, so I could continue my operation, ever the faithful and reliable department secretary. But then I heard you at that reception, talking about evidence linking Sasaki to the murder. I guess he got sick of dealing with the old man too. It was perfect. So I thought to myself, hey, who would keep a kidnapper _and_ murderer on faculty. Three birds with one stone, if you will,” Nakamura chuckled. “You know, it was ridiculously easy to drug you at that reception.”

“You mean, _you_ kidnapped me? And made it look like Sasaki did it?” Hijikata looked shocked, and his voice wobbled just a tiny bit.

“Oh, you hadn’t figured it out? Well, I might as well tell you. It’s all down the tubes, all those years of work setting up the donation scheme. It was a clever bit of work, if I do say so myself. Anyway. Sasaki even did me the favor of haring off to his office after the reception, probably to take care of whatever incriminating thing he had there. So it was easy as pie to sneak back in, after everyone had left, and take your lovely unconscious body from the couch and set it up in style at one of Sasaki's secondary houses I happened to know about. Never underestimate the information a good secretary can access. 

“All I had to do then was to call in the anonymous tip to the cops about the kidnapping. I needed to have the right people find you at the right time, you see. And then you did the rest of the work for me.” Nakamura seemed to be enjoying himself. Gintoki felt sick at his smug tone, wondering how he could have ever thought the guy charming. His face pale and set, Hijikata didn’t say anything more while Nakamura kept talking.

“You should thank me, Hijikata-kun, it looked like you weren’t enjoying being Sasaki’s playtoy. Not that I blame him. Such a pretty young thing to boss around. Dress you up right, and you’re the spitting image of his late wife. She was a musician too. In his place, I would have enjoyed myself to the max,” Nakamura licked his lips mockingly.

“I wasn’t anybody’s playtoy. Or- or a thing. And Sasaki isn’t like you.” Hijikata glared angrily, his cheeks red, and Gintoki wondered what exactly had been going on between student and his advisor.

“Have it your way. I don’t think he is into boys anyway,” shrugged Nakamura, then looked at his phone. “Oh dear, it looks like it’s time for me to go, before our friends in uniform catch up to me. Why don’t you boys wait here with my friend until I’m safely away. It was a sweet reunion, so sorry, but I’ll pass on taking either one of you with me on exciting adventures. Bye now!” Nakamura quickly left the room, while his accomplice stolidly continued to hold his knife to Hijikata’s throat.

“What a rotten grapefruit,” said Hijikata. They waited there tensely, not saying anything more. 

In a matter of minutes several police officers burst into the room with their guns pointed at the gangster. Multiple guns quickly convinced him to drop his weapon and release Hijikata. Just as efficiently the police cuffed and led him away. 

Left alone in the lounge, Hijikata and Gintoki looked at each other for a moment, then Gintoki said, “Did you get what you needed, detective?”

“Yes, good work, Sakata-san, Hijikata-san, that was plenty to work with,” detective Sato’s voice came over loud and clear on the radio hidden under Hijikata’s bulky sweater. “We have Nakamura in custody, thanks to your actions and timely use of the codeword. An officer will be over to collect our equipment in a few minutes. Just wait where you are.”

Hijikata fished around under his sweater and carefully switched off the radio. Then he looked straight over at Gintoki and flashed a killer grin, that Gintoki had never seen on his face before and that made his heart stutter in his chest. In the meantime, apparently unaware of causing palpitations, Hijikata said conversationally: “I can’t believe we did it. That was kind of fun.”

“Are you crazy? Having a knife at your throat was fun? You were the one worried about taking risks, remember?”

“No, I mean tricking Nakamura to spill his secrets was fun. I could have done without the knife at the throat. But we had to convince him he had us at his mercy, or he wouldn’t have talked. Or stuck around long enough for the police to get into position unnoticed, for that matter.”

“Yeah. So… what’s the deal with your advisor then?”

“Looks like, from what Nakamura said, he’s innocent. He didn’t do anything wrong. Well, he did buy that heart medicine for some reason, but he never did anything to Suzuki, or to… me. I guess he’ll be cleared of all charges and reinstated in his position.”

“What the hell was that about his wife?”

“Um, I don’t know much, but apparently he used to have a wife and kid and they died.”

“Uh-huh,” Gintoki studied Hijikata’s face carefully. “So what are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, are you going to go back to studying with Sasaki like nothing ever happened? This shakeup gives you a great opportunity to change mentors without anyone asking questions.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it that way… It’s true, the administration would probably let me do whatever I want, to avoid bad publicity. But then… he really hadn’t done anything wrong… He is strange about some things, but he has a lot to teach me, even if his methods are a little... extreme. He is obnoxious and overbearing, but he actually is the best in the department. I need to think.”

“Yeah, just, don’t forget, there are many ways you can go. Don’t let him pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.”

Around then, the police officer they were waiting for walked into the room. In fact, it was detective Sato herself, accompanied by a junior officer.

“Sakata-san, Hijikata-san, I’d like to thank you for your help in this operation. It was a great risk, but you were in a unique position to be able to draw in the suspect. That man certainly likes to talk... I still disapprove of having you two involved in this way, but I’m glad that the matter was resolved and you are safe. I hope that I don’t see you involved in this kind of dangerous case as untrained civillians in the future.”

While detective Sato spoke, the other officer quickly and efficiently collected the radio and wires that came with it. Soon the police were gone, and they were alone again.

Gintoki was still shaken up about Hijikata being held at knifepoint, which was definitely not part of the plan. He was supposed to be the backup, while Gintoki had the dangerous role of talking with Nakamura up close. Even though it made sense and he understood intellectually, and would have probably done the same in his place, not to mention everything had turned out fine, Gintoki felt irrationally upset at the whole situation.

“Let me get out of these ugly clothes,” Hijikata turned to Gintoki with a faint seductive smile.

Gintoki was stunned, where was the reserved and innocent Hijikata he knew? Did somebody flip a switch? There was no hesitation in his steady blue eyes now. Gintoki sat there like a lump, watching as Hijikata took off his hat, shaking his long hair free, then took off his bulky sweater. Only a slight tremor in his fingers belied the cool confidence Hijikata projected. Barechested, wearing just a pair of dark pants, he came up close to Gintoki.

“Let's take advantage of this cushy lounge. Make me forget about dealing with that rotten bastard.” Hijikata’s hands ran up Gintoki’s arms, and he stood so close that Gintoki could feel the heat radiating from his body.

“Here? Now you want to get it on?! You could have died, and now you want sex?” 

“Absolutely,” Hijikata's smile widened, and he leaned forward the rest of the way into a kiss. 

Gintoki barely felt Hijikata's warm and supple shoulders and back, as he gripped convulsively and roughly pulled Hijikata into a closer embrace and onto his lap, while they kissed. All the worry, desperation, and anger Gintoki had felt seemed to pour into that kiss, and now he could not make himself let Hijikata go or even loosen his hold. Gintoki bit at the soft lips kissing him and grasped Hijikata, harshly pressing fingers and nails into the flesh of his back, roughly jerking his hair. Hijikata wasn’t the cause of his anger, but nothing mattered, as all that fury mixed with desire, and Gintoki pushed him, punished him, biting harder, squeezing and scratching harder, until he was startled by Hijikata shuddering and moaning softly into his mouth.

Wild anger melted away. Gintoki brushed away the dark silky hair with one hand, rubbing the side of Hijikata’s face, from the temple down the cheekbone and running his fingers along his jaw. Gintoki slid his hand around the back of Hijikata's neck and pressed him into a deeper gentler kiss, drinking in his hot rough tongue, his lips sliding and tingling against that mouth. At the same time he was very aware of firm hands running down his sides and gripping his hips hard. The legs straddling him squeezed firmly around him, and Gintoki wrapped his other arm around Hijikata’s ass and pressed him hard against his belly. Gintoki’s eyes lost focus but remained open, and he jolted when their gazes met, Hijikata staring back at him with a hungry, almost frenzied expression. After some time kissing, Hijikata pulled away a little and ran his tongue quickly over his swollen lips, gasping for breath. The reflexive movement looked so sexy, Gintoki felt his hardening cock twitch.

“I want you so much right now… I can’t take it,” Hijikata’s hoarse whispers just about made Gintoki lose all control. “I want more…”

“What I really want, we can’t do it here… Let’s finish up here and go home… or to a private room somewhere, oh, let me show you how good I can make you feel… Just, we have to be a little patient...”

It was hard to focus, as Hijikata bent down and started kissing down his ear and side of his neck, his warm breath tickling Gintoki’s sensitive skin, and making waves of heat spread through his body, Hijikata’s fingers squeezing almost painfully hard at his hips and sides. Most of all Gintoki wanted to give in to this passionate onslaught. But he also wanted to take his time, and not get interrupted.

“C’mon,” Gintoki whispered. “Let’s move to a more private place so no one interrupts us, this club has a couple private rooms upstairs… with some supplies…”

“I thought… ahh, it wasn’t that... kind of club…?” Hijikata managed between kisses.

“Well… uhh… it’s just something for the convenience of a very limited selection of guests. Never mind. C’mon, let’s move. We just have to walk along a hallway and up the stairs.” Gintoki patted Hijikata’s backside, which may have been a mistake, if he had wanted to get him to stand up. Not to mention his own distraction at a firm and shapely ass. After a false start, Gintoki managed to get them to a standing position and pulled Hijikata along.

They made it to the private room in a blur, without taking hands off each other. As soon as the door shut behind him, Gintoki walked Hijikata backward towards the bed and pushed him to land on his back. Gintoki followed right along and sat on top of his hips, taking in Hijikata’s rapidly moving chest, his flushed skin, his loose hair, like an inky stain spreading out over the pale bedcovers. Putting his hands at either side of Hijikata’s head, Gintoki leaned in close and asked softly:  
“You still want more? How far are you prepared to go?”

Hijikata shivered and drew in a gasping breath, but his voice was steady:  
“I wanna fuck you and I wanna be fucked by you… and I don’t know which I want more.”

“Fair enough, considering you’ve never done either with a guy,” Gintoki teased lightly, hoping to bring down the intensity a notch. “I’m all for helping you figure it out. Gin-san is a kind and generous kind of guy when it comes to sexual experimentation. Or, you know, a strict master, if that’s what you like,” he added airily, watching Hijikata’s cheeks redden.

“Way to dampen the mood, you idiot.” Hijikata swatted at Gintoki’s chest halfheartedly.

“Don’t worry. Gintoki-jr is plenty in the mood.” Gintoki then shifted subtly and added, “and so is Toshi-jr. Let me grab some lube, I’ll be right back.”

Gintoki knew exactly where all the supplies were kept, the room so well stocked by considerate club management. While he was bending down to a cabinet to pull out condoms and lube, Gintoki was surprised to feel Hijikata pressing against his back, his arms going around to unbutton Gintoki’s shirt. _He always manages to surprise me,_ Gintoki thought, smiling to himself.

“So, which way do we start?” Hijikata asked after he pulled Gintoki’s shirt off and had both of their pants hanging open. He leaned over and kissed along Gintoki’s neck, unerringly finding the most sensitive spots.

“First lie down and let me ride you. Give you some time to get used to this.” 

It felt amazing to have the skin to skin contact as their bare chests pressed together. Gintoki tilted Hijikata’s face into a more convenient angle and kissed him, running his tongue languidly inside the other’s mouth, enjoying Hijikata’s quiet hum of pleasure. 

Gintoki looked forward to learning all sorts of things about Hijikata, his pleasure spots and what turned him on, like a whole new layer of things to know about his friend and, dare he even think it, his lover. Like, maybe, Hijikata might have enjoyed rough treatment earlier, or a little spice of danger. Gintoki would note every reaction and remember every detail, store it up for future reference. But for now, he would take things carefully and slowly. Every first time should be treated as extra special. Gintoki didn’t know what sort of history Hijikata had, but he had to assume little experience. Even if Hijikata was a fast learner, Gintoki would treat it as his first time. After all, it would be their first time, one among many, he hoped. All that raced through his mind as they kissed, and Gintoki nudged them back towards the bed.

They slipped their pants off and got on the bed. Hijikata hesitated and Gintoki distracted him by embracing and kissing him again. Really, he could do this all day, Gintoki thought, caressing Hijikata's lower back, sliding his palm over his buttocks, and feeling the supple muscles tense and relax under his touch. Then, moving his hand back between their bodies, Gintoki slipped it under the waistband of Hijikata's plain gray underwear and wrapped his fingers around his cock. He squeezed gently with his hand and rubbed his thumb around the head and over the tip. At the same time Gintoki held Hijikata firmly in place with his other arm, kissing him deeply without breaking contact, swallowing down Hijikata’s soft moans, feeling hot from his responsiveness.

Time blurred, and they were horizontal and free of all remaining clothing, their hands and mouths roaming each other’s bodies. Gintoki rolled them and sat up to be on top of Hijikata again. Squeezing out some lube onto his fingers, Gintoki prepared himself with a few practiced motions. Maybe he wasn’t as thorough as he should have been, but he was finding it hard to wait any longer. Noticing a very serious look in Hijikata’s blue eyes, Gintoki smiled:  
“You won’t hurt me, don’t worry. Here, put this on.” 

With a nimble flick of his fingers Gintoki handed a condom to Hijikata and watched him pull it out of the package and carefully roll it on. Then, quickly straddling Hijikata, Gintoki ran his hand over Hijikata’s erection, smoothing more lube over it, and slowly lowered himself onto it, while carefully watching his partner’s face. It had been a long time since he’d done this, and the stretching was uncomfortable at first. Gintoki’s eyes half-closed reflexively, as he felt the hot length pushing into his body, but he kept looking down at Hijikata, who was watching Gintoki intensely, his brow furrowed in concentration, biting down on his lower lip. Then Gintoki sat down all the way, and then moved slowly up and down, causing Hijikata to gasp and thrust his hips in response. Soon they found a jerky rhythm, which smoothed as they went along, and Gintoki changed the angle to stimulate his pleasure spot and was gasping for breath too. He used one hand on Hijikata’s hip to steady himself, and with the other he found and held Hijikata’s hand. 

At some point Gintoki forgot to watch Hijikata, as he got lost in his own pleasure, and then a hand on his straining member brought him over the edge. In the orgasmic haze Gintoki barely registered being flipped over onto his back, and Hijikata holding him close, the welcome heat and weight of his body on top as his thrusts became more forceful, accompanied by low-pitched moans. Wordlessly Hijikata moved back and leaned on his arms, pulling out almost all the way, then slamming back with long powerful strokes, his skin slick with sweat, showing off his muscles as they tensed and flexed, his hair hanging over his face and shoulders. Gintoki shifted and wrapped his legs around Hijikata, and in response his grip tightened and he moved faster and harder. Holding on with a contented smile, Gintoki kept his eyes lazily half-open, brushed Hijikata’s hair off his face, and watched him come with a low cry. Hijikata shuddered and breathed heavily in the aftermath, laying his head on Gintoki’s chest and holding him tight. Gintoki relaxed and petted his thick silky hair, enjoying the feeling of the strong lean body lying against him, the arms wrapped around him. They didn’t move for a long time, then Gintoki shifted restlessly.

“Hey, Hijikata-kun… hey, would you be so kind as to get off me?” Gintoki shook at his shoulder to no avail. Leaning over and peering at his face, he realized that Hijikata was passed out. Gintoki loosened the arms wrapped around him, wriggled out from under Hijikata’s limp form, and rolled them into a more comfortable position, putting Hijikata on his back. Gintoki got some tissues and cleaned them up as best he could, before snuggling back next to his sleeping lover and pulling a sheet over them to keep warm.

“Well, I guess round two will have to wait…” 

Gintoki didn’t have the heart to wake him up, instead studying how Hijikata’s face looked younger and softer when relaxed in sleep, although the corners of his mouth turned down even at rest. As Hijikata lay there, Gintoki lightly traced a finger down his face, around his sharply defined lips, following the line of his neck, spreading out his palm and gliding gently down his chest and belly, then further down, cupping his private parts, his body now soft and quiescent in sleep. Gintoki was simply exploring, focusing on skin texture and sensation in the moment, relaxed and not thinking about much of anything. Not consciously thinking it, but feeling the certainty in his bones, in his own slightly aching body. _Mine._

Despite their exertions, Gintoki didn't feel sleepy. In fact, lying so close, he felt arousal stirring again, and pressed his heating up groin against Hijikata's hip. Lazily he nibbled on an ear peeking out of a mass of dark hair. When Hijikata stirred and mumbled softly in his sleep, Gintoki grinned and ran his teeth along the rim of the ear and then bit down harder. With a little cry, Hijikata curled in on himself reflexively, then, blinking sleepily, turned back toward Gintoki.

“Did I fall asleep?” His eyes slitted barely open, his voice indistinct from sleep, Hijikata stretched luxuriantly.

“Hmm, you passed right out. Gin-san is just that amazing in bed.” Gintoki leaned over and pressed a kiss against a corner of Hijikata’s mouth that curved up in a smirk. Breathing in the scent of his skin, Gintoki shifted and ground his groin against Hijikata’s hip, one arm moving unconsciously to wrap around him. Looking up, Gintoki noticed blue eyes now fully open and regarding him solemnly. “Up for another round?”

“Yeah… Show me what it feels like.” Hijikata’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“Gladly. Gin-san will take good care of you. Relax and enjoy your flight.” 

They kissed, and Gintoki’s hands wandered, and he was pleased to feel that it didn’t take long to get Hijikata excited and ready to go. It lit a fire in him, the trust in Hijikata’s eyes, the way he opened up like a flower, wild and passionate, yet willing and responsive, a whole different side of the cool and reserved person Gintoki had known.

Gintoki’d had dreams about it, but the reality was by far more stirring than he could have imagined. Hijikata lay quietly on his back, watching Gintoki, but responded eagerly to kisses on his chest and neck, to Gintoki’s hand fondling his inner thighs and then wrapping around his cock. Gintoki took his time gently applying lube and stretching the opening, applying more lube as he slipped his fingers inside, rubbing against the smooth warm walls, relaxing and stretching the anal muscles. Gintoki kept up pleasuring and distracting Hijikata, sucking many marks onto his fair skin, kissing him deeply, pumping and working his reddened cock, until Hijikata was trembling and gasping, taut like a guitar string, his eyes hidden under the long eyelashes. Softly slipping his fingers out, Gintoki rolled a condom over his own now achingly hard erection and hurriedly dumped some more lube on top, shivering at the cooling sensation. Shifting to get between Hijikata’s legs, Gintoki lined himself up.

“Wrap your legs around me... it might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but don’t tense up. You ready?”

“Yeah.” Unfocused blue eyes blinked open at Gintoki, and Hijikata’s voice sounded a little raspy. Gintoki held the eye contact as he pushed gently and steadily in, pausing as his head slipped past the initial resistance.

“Breathe…” Gintoki whispered, whether to remind Hijikata or himself, he wasn’t sure. His own breath caught at the feeling, tight and hot, pressing in around him, and beautiful blue eyes staring into his, Hijikata holding perfectly still, pinned in place, panting lightly through a partly open mouth. Giving them both a few more moments, Gintoki slid in further, as slowly as he could. He was trembling with the tension of holding himself back, a bead of sweat slowly and ticklishly making its way down the side of his neck. Finally, seated all the way in, he took a deep breath and licked his lips. “How’s that feel?”

“I- it’s strange… but not bad. It doesn’t hurt.”

“Good. I’m gonna move, but tell me if anything hurts.”

“Okay.”

Gintoki gave it a few slow experimental strokes back and forth, moaning under his breath at the amazing sensation. He grasped Hijikata’s hips firmly with both hands, lifting him up a little, and tossed his damp hair back, as he started up a steady rhythm. He looked down at Hijikata, and Gintoki’s heart hammered in his chest at the sight. Hijikata’s color was high with arousal, face flushed, lips dark pink, his eyes half-lidded, looking back at Gintoki through his eyelashes. One of his hands was wrapped around his cock, slick with precum, and the other was tangled in his hair, unconsciously pulling on a fistful of black locks. Hijikata looked like someone in an oil painting, in vivid colors, larger than life, and easily the most beautiful thing Gintoki had ever seen. All his. 

Gintoki felt his last hold on himself snap and leaned forward with a little growl, thrusting in and out, long and hard. Bending forward, he licked at Hijikata’s chest, taking a deep inhale of his sweaty, musky, incredibly sexy scent. Every single thing revved him up more and more. Gintoki shifted Hijikata’s legs to hold them higher, over his shoulders, and bent him over, continuing to thrust deep and hard as he changed the angle, making Hijikata grab onto the headboard and push against the bed to keep from sliding around like a rag doll. As the tempo and angles changed, at some point Hijikata’s eyes flew open and he gave a long ragged moan. A sort of fierce joy shot through Gintoki. He hadn’t been sure he’d be able to find it the first time, but he would sure take advantage of it. Gintoki kept going, making sure to stimulate that sweet spot in Hijikata, rewarded by cries of pleasure that he could not help joining. Losing all rational thought, he thrust harder and faster, and they both came at some point in the ecstatic haze. 

Gintoki didn’t remember disentangling their limbs or how he came to be lying next to Hijikata. They were holding each other quietly, neither willing to break the silence first as they slowly came back to themselves. Separating a little, they remained side by side on the bed. Gintoki was mindlessly smearing around the sperm on Hijikata’s belly and humming some random song. Hijikata just lay there contemplatively, then stirred a little, looking at their clothes in a chaotic mess on the floor. Gintoki dipped his finger in the cooling fluid and idly circled it around Hijikata’s nipple. At that, Hijikata knocked his hand away and sat up.

“I wonder where the cigarettes are…” Then, frowning a little at their sweaty, sticky bodies, Hijikata added, “Please tell me there is a shower in this place.”

“What if I tell you there isn’t? Want me to lick the cum off you?” Gintoki perversely enjoyed the horrified look on Hijikata’s face. “I’m joking, I’m joking!” 

Gintoki laughed and then swatted at Hijikata’s bare ass, as Hijikata silently got off the bed and bent down to search for his cigarettes among the clothes on the floor. When Hijikata turned back with a dirty look, Gintoki grinned and patted the bed next to him in an inviting gesture. Hijikata sat and lit up a cigarette, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep drag. Gintoki considerately let him have a couple more before stealing the cigarette, laughing and dodging Hijikata’s attempts to take it back. He took a drag of his own and then handed it back with a flourish.

It was nice to lighten things up a little. Gintoki’d had plenty of sex before, with a handful of partners, but none of it had ever gotten so intense. He had never felt so emotional and stirred up and possessive over a sex partner, or… anyone. It had shaken him, and he scrambled to get back to the easy casual interactions he was used to with Hijikata. Gintoki didn’t really want to think too deeply about it. And anyway it was something best left for another day. 

“Race you to the shower!”

“No way! Go take your turn,” Hijikata shifted on the bed to get more comfortable, pulling up the sheet. He made shooing motions and wrinkled up his nose, when Gintoki turned and blew him a kiss on his way into the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we are almost to the end. Hope you enjoyed this chapter... let's just say some scenes have a way of extending themselves ^_^


	13. A new sunrise

_Mid-December_

Hijikata walked down the hallway of the administrative building, silent and echoing as always. The door of the Dean's office was ajar. He knocked and heard a low voice bid him enter. Upon opening the thick wooden door the rest of the way, he saw the same heavy mahogany furniture as before, although the cluttered display cabinets were gone. In their place, a spare and elegant display of a set of japanese swords.

Sasaki was seated at the desk looking through some papers, and raised his head to look over at Hijikata when he walked in. Sasaki was dressed in a formal suit as usual, his face haughty and disapproving. _He hardly ever has any other expression_ , Hijikata thought.

“There you are. Have you decided?” Sasaki’s tone was cold and formal.

“Yes. But first, I have to apologize, I acted inappropriately.” Hijikata stood stiffly.

Sasaki adjusted his monocle and looked at him with a frown.  
“I had assumed you had too much to drink. Inappropriate, but hardly unforgivable. If you mean what happened at the reception… I don’t normally condone violence, but I’m prepared to overlook it this time, considering the circumstances.” Sasaki cleared his throat and gestured at one of the chairs opposite his desk. “Please, sit.”

Hijikata sat down and waited.

“I... regret, that you went through that kind of experience, that you were drugged and taken like that from my house,” Sasaki said after a pause. “To think that you would believe me capable of such barbaric actions... How could it have come to this.”

“Nakamura set you up, putting me at your house…”

“That is not what I mean. I can see that I make you uncomfortable.” Sasaki fell silent, studying Hijikata with a heavy gaze. _When you look at me, who is it you see?_ wondered Hijikata. Ever since Nakamura had said those things about Sasaki’s late wife, Hijikata had felt like everything was turned on its head. 

“Perhaps I owe you an explanation. You thought I was spying on you, but that is not the case. That piano, you wouldn’t know this, but it has a recording device built into it. No one had played that piano for years, not since my wife-... ” Sasaki frowned. “Ahem… anyway, somehow when you played the piano, the device was triggered and recorded it. I had found the recording and played it back when you came in, and you know the rest. There are no hidden cameras or the like in my house. I am aware that I’m considered controlling, but I’m not a pervert.”

Hijikata was shocked at how he had misinterpreted what was happening that evening, his mind poisoned by suspicion and anger, not to mention alcohol and sedatives clouding his judgment. It seemed he had to reconsider everything about his interactions with Sasaki in a new light.

“So, that day, with the woman’s kimono, really was an accident? Did it belong to your wife too?” Hijikata bit his tongue, but a little too late to keep from speaking. He could swear he saw Sasaki’s pale cheeks color a little at his questions.

“I already told you it was a mistake. Rest assured, you are in no danger of being molested by me.”

“I’m sorry for your loss, sensei, but, I was told that your wife was a musician and that I bear some resemblance to her…”

Sasaki gave him a long look, then sighed.  
“Perhaps I haven’t been completely fair to you. If you think I somehow pressured you, tried to mold you to be like her. You should have seen her play. She had such a promising future as a musician, you see, taken away in the blink of an eye. But perhaps you do not share her refined taste and inclinations in music. You always did fall short of her artistic sensibility. I should not have used you to recreate another. For that I apologize.” 

Hijikata stared at Sasaki in silence, at a loss for words. After a slight pause, Sasaki continued gravely: “You are free to choose your course, and I understand if you wish to change teachers. You surprised me with your selections at the competition, but the risk you took with choosing a nontraditional piece paid off. Perhaps you have earned more room for self-expression than I have given you in the past. It may be your path will take you in a different direction than I thought. Still, if you wish to explore “experimental” music above and beyond your study program, you are free to work with whomever you like in your free time. Should you wish to continue studies with me, I will teach you as I see fit, and I won't go easy on you.”

“I’d like to continue, if you won’t threaten my financial standing, or force me to be someone I’m not. I can handle hard work. If you can handle me not always doing what I’m told.”

“We’ll see about that.” Hijikata got a cold haughty stare. “Make no mistake, if you remain my student, you _will_ work hard, and I don’t waste time on empty praise. You will need to _earn_ respect. Now if you have no more questions, you may go. I’ll send your next assignment later today. Your number is saved in my contacts.”

“Very well, sensei, I won’t back down from a challenge.” Hijikata bowed politely and walked out of the office, feeling in part relieved and in part fiercely determined. Studying with Sasaki suddenly didn’t seem so daunting. Sure he was a stubborn and eccentric man, but nothing Hijikata couldn’t handle. Hijikata would do the work, but he would not put up with threats or any other bullshit. He was done with that. And even if they kicked him out of the program over some disagreement, he’d be okay, he’d make his way through it. Those threats from months ago just didn’t touch him anymore. Let no ghosts from the past have any hold over his future either.

***

_Late December_

An overcast winter afternoon was wearing towards early evening. Hijikata walked through his favorite park, past the gnarled old pine trees crouched on the low grassy hills. As if frozen in time. He stared out toward the harbor, where the city opened out toward the water, tall glass towers hazy in the distance past the long bridge. He took a deep breath, fresh chilly air stinging his nose and throat. There it was. He felt at the verge of realizing something, something big ponderously bubbling up from the depths of his subconscious mind, as he waited.

Suddenly Hijikata staggered on his feet and swore under his breath as a weight barreled into him, and grabbed on around him. 

"What are you spacing out for?” Gintoki was breathless as if he’d been running, cheeks and ears reddened from the cold, his eyes sparkling mischievously. He'd forgotten his hat and little snowflakes were caught in his pale messy hair. Hijikata stared at him silently, a little warmth spreading in his chest.

“You’re late…” He reached out and brushed some snow off Gintoki’s hair. A snowflake landed on Hijikata’s nose, and he looked up, blinking in surprise, catching more snowflakes on his face.

“You’ve got some snowflakes on your eyelashes,” Gintoki said softly, and then warm lips were pressing against Hijikata’s eyelids, and kissing his face.

“What are you doing? This is a public place.” Hijikata stiffened, feeling his face heat up in a blush. Gintoki reluctantly released him.

“Aw come on, there is hardly anyone about. Besides, it’s christmas eve and we’re supposed to be on a romantic date.”

“Supposed to be twenty minutes ago.” Hijikata pointedly looked at his watch.

“I got delayed grabbing your present…” Gintoki sheepishly scratched his head. “So… you come to this park a lot?”

“Sometimes… it’s so open here. The sky... It’s a good place to watch the clouds…” Hijikata looked away, feeling unexpectedly shy.

“I see what you mean. Not a lot of places in the city where you’re not closed in by buildings all around.” They started to walk along a path. Bit by bit they fell into a conversation, as they went, and after a while Hijikata noticed that they were walking so close to each other, that their shoulders were touching. When did that happen? After a while at the park, they walked over to the dock to catch the water bus, for the boat ride to their next destination.

“You still want to go ride the ferris wheel?” Hijikata asked, watching the water and the distant buildings, as the boat sped across the bay.

“Yeah! It’s like Romantic Destinations 101 - ferris wheels are a staple. It’s basically required,” Gintoki joked. “We’ll be trapped high up in a tiny cabin, just the two of us, kissing, er, I mean, admiring the beautiful view of the city.”

“Isn’t this a bit too cliche? Besides, sounds like all you want is a convenient spot for some necking. We could have just stayed home,” teased Hijikata.

“Bah! Have you never dated before? There are proper ways to do these things,” Gintoki pronounced. “But first we should go to a cafe! I’m running low on energy.”

Hijikata raised an eyebrow and folded his arms.  
“You just want ice cream, and so you’re gonna drag me to one of those cafes that only serve ice cream, cakes, and sweet shit. What’s in it for me?”

“Well, you could get coffee… and I would make it up to you, later,” said Gintoki, waggling his eyebrows. He probably thought it was seductive, Hijikata snorted to himself, pursing his lips to hold back a smile.

And so it was, in a short while they were sitting at a cafe, a slice of strawberry shortcake in front of Gintoki and a cup of black coffee in front of Hijikata.

“I got you a present,” said Gintoki, pulling a flat squarish package out of a coat pocket. “Here, merry christmas. Hope you like it.”

“Oh, thanks… I, uh, got you something too. Since you’re always complaining about the cold.” They exchanged gifts, trying not to look at each other. Hijikata opened the package and found a music disc, on the cover art - a picture of a cello with a skull superimposed on it. “What’s this?”

“Oh, heh, do you remember that band you liked at the summer festival? The heavy metal one? With cellos? This is one of their albums…” Gintoki turned back to his own gift and opened up the wrapping paper. Inside was a warm winter scarf in solid dark red. As Hijikata had thought, it suited the color of Gintoki’s eyes very well. “Ooh, this is so soft. Thanks.” And Gintoki proceeded to wrap it around his neck with a cheeky grin. “I’ll think of you every time I wear it.”

Later, on the way to the ferris wheel, Hijikata really didn’t notice much about the view. He felt at ease and content, quietly listening to Gintoki talk about the vagaries of the latest theatrical production he worked on, laughing despite himself, and watching how Gintoki’s hands moved with fluid energy as he got into telling his stories, the curve of his lips, the humor and excitement in his eyes. Hijikata found himself captivated by the way Gintoki, seemingly lazy and slow moving, unexpectedly got animated and radiant with barely suppressed energy, showing glimpses of a completely different side of himself. 

Before Hijikata knew it, they were sitting in the little round cabin, circling slowly upwards. Gintoki loosened his scarf and coat collar and casually leaned back against the wall, looking at him with a little smile. Heart beating faster, Hijikata leaned over and traced a fingertip around Gintoki’s mouth like he’d wanted to all evening. Strangely enough, Gintoki didn’t move, only his eyelashes lowered and trembled a little and his lips parted invitingly. Hijikata wanted to close the remaining distance and kiss him, but hesitated, watching the lights and shadows slowly moving across his pale face. 

It was still strange to be intimate like this, even after almost a month of seeing each other every few days, and even after the mind blowingly, maddeningly amazing sex they’d had. As they joked, Hijikata had yet to make up his mind which way he preferred, and he slowly licked his lips thinking back to the last time, sheets rumpled and sticking to sweaty bodies. Cheeks warming as a wave of heat spread all the way down to his groin, Hijikata felt like a powderkeg that any little spark was about to set off. Reluctant to break the quiet moment, he nosed at the curly hair behind Gintoki’s ear, breathing in his scent, eyes drifting shut. His fingers still ghosted in a spidery light contact along Gintoki’s face, while Hijikata breathed softly, barely brushing his lips down the ear and the side of his neck. Gintoki’s breath hitched a little, but still he didn’t move or speak. The light touches didn’t help, and only fueled the fire barely contained inside, the heat melting Hijikata down piece by piece. 

“Kiss me…” Hijikata whispered against the soft skin over Gintoki’s collar bone. Only then did he feel a strong grasp pull him in, and another mouth claim his hungrily, imperiously. Hijikata finally took a deep breath, dizzy as he surrendered into the embrace. Needless to say, he never did notice the city view that night...

***

_December 31_

The large room echoed with laughter and lively voices, brightly lit and cheerfully decorated for the party. Kondo and a few other guys were playing a lively jazz tune off to one side of the room. Hijikata shifted the cello case on his back, looking around through the festive crowd. There was Mitsuba, looking pretty in a nice dress, chatting with a small group of people, among them Yamazaki in a bright green sweater. Sougo wasn’t too far, surrounded by a group of high school girls, and there was Shinpachi, next to a young woman about Hijikata’s age.

“He’s not here,” Hijikata grumbled, turning to Kagura, who had walked in right behind him. “You said he left before us. Where’d he go?”

“I dunno… Why don’t you go look for him. Those refreshments tables look like they need to be checked aru. See ya!” and she disappeared into the crowd.

Hijikata sighed and walked out of the room into the quiet hallway again, getting out his phone to send Gintoki a text. Glancing out the large glass windows of the building lobby, he noted that it was fully dark outside. Checking his phone again, he stood indecisively for a few minutes, then went for the outer doors. Even as he reached to open the door, it swung and in came Gintoki with his guitar and a big grin.

“Yo! Getting impatient, are we.”

“Where did you disappear to? We’re gonna be late.”

“Oh don’t worry, it’s a long way to midnight.”

“C’mon, Kondo-san is waiting for us.”

“Wait… don’t I get a welcoming kiss?” and there he went again with that cheeky grin. Hijikata looked around self-consciously, but the lobby was deserted. Impatiently he gave Gintoki a quick peck on the lips.

“Oh no no no, that won’t do at all,” Gintoki quickly hooked a hand around Hijikata’s neck and pulled him back for a big wet sloppy kiss, making him melt a little inside. After about a minute they separated with a loud smacking sound, and Hijikata opened his coat, feeling a little warm, as he caught his breath. 

“Lead on,” said Gintoki. As they were walking into the party room, Gintoki caught and squeezed Hijikata’s hand just for a moment, making his skin tingle. It wasn’t a bad feeling.

Soon after they arrived and hung up their winter coats, the band took a break, and Kondo made his way over to greet them.

“Toshi! Gin-san! You’re here! Glad you could make it. Come along, we’ll make sure you’re hooked up into the sound system. Can’t wait to hear you play!” Busy setting up their instruments, Hijikata didn’t even get a chance to go around and say hi to any of his friends. Before he knew it, they were sitting on the little stage area, and Kondo was introducing him and Gintoki as guest musicians. 

Scrubbing his hand through his hair nervously, Hijikata glanced over at Gintoki, who smiled and winked at him. He looked good in a fitted light blue sweater and utterly at ease with his guitar in his hands. Hijikata could already see young women around the room staring with more than a little interest at this guest musician. Shaking off the momentary distraction, he looked back at Gintoki, who nodded at him and started off the song. 

As they had practiced, the song was a reinterpretation of a well-known jazz standard, with their arrangement trading off solo and rhythm parts between the guitar and cello. It was the first time they played together with an audience, but after the first few bars the room faded into the background, and Hijikata focused only on Gintoki next to him and the music they were making, in a smooth exchange. First Hijikata had the melody, and the cello’s deep rich sound rose in a melancholy tune underpinned by guitar chords. Then Gintoki took over with an intricately cascading guitar part, while Hijikata’s cello played a flowing bass line. They traded off several times, then intertwined in a final part that peaked with passion before finishing to enthusiastic applause. Hijikata puffed out a breath and smiled in relief. Things were going okay. 

The two played another duet, and after that were joined by other musicians on the stage, continuing to play jazz tunes. After the set, they all took a break to mingle and get some drinks.

“That was awesome, guys!” Kondo had a huge smile on his face. “Gin-san, you should consider joining us for some gigs - it’s pretty good money too.”

“Toshiro-kun, I loved your music,” Mitsuba was smiling as well. “I am so glad you invited Sakata-san.”

“Thanks… it was Kondo-san’s idea, actually.” Hijikata took a sip of his beer.

“You two have something really special going, it’s wonderful.”

“I-It’s nothing really…” Hijikata felt himself flushing a little. “He’s a great guitarist, so of course the music sounds good.”

“I can see that. And you’re a great cellist. And together you’re something special. I’ll be watching you,” Mitsuba laughed lightly, and Hijikata peered at her suspiciously. Just what was she talking about? He still hadn’t told anyone about him and Gintoki, although perhaps Yamazaki or Kagura might suspect something. After only a month dating, Hijikata didn’t feel quite ready to come out about it. He glanced over to where Gintoki was having a drink and chatting with some band members a ways away. Gintoki caught his eye and smiled, making Hijikata drop his gaze, flustered. 

“Hijikata-san…” A familiar drawl made Hijikata sigh in resignation. “How long have you been sleeping with danna?”

“What? What are you talking about?” Shock mixed with irritation, as Hijikata turned around to face Sougo. Were other people turning to listen?

“Oh, were you keeping it a secret?” Sougo sounded bored. “I bet he gives it to you good and hard. Would you like some references for good sex shops to spice things up?”

“What the hell, Sougo! This isn’t funny.” 

“Hmm… if you need any advice about bondage gear, I can hook you up. They don’t have everything at the usual shops. And it’s important to use it right, you know. To avoid unnecessary, er, injuries.”

“Why would you know so much about this stuff anyway! Aren’t you still in high school?”

“So you are interested. You’ll have to agree on a safe word. Trust is very important between partners,” intoned Sougo with a sinister grin.

“Ugh, you’re unbelievable. Enough already.” 

“But I just want to make sure you’re safe, Hijikata-san,” his boyish face wore an innocent look of feigned concern. But Hijikata wasn’t fooled for a moment. He started backing away. “Anyway, I’d like to congratulate you. Would you like me to make an announcement on your behalf, Hijikata-san?”

“What’s this? What announcement?” Unnoticed, Gintoki had walked over to join them. Hijikata startled, loosening his unconsciously tightening fists.

“Ah danna… I was just congratulating Hijikata-san here and offering some advice to improve his sex life.” Sougo shrugged.

“Oh? And what makes you think it needs improvement?” 

“Of course. Knowing him, I should just talk to you directly. Does Hijikata-san make a good bottom? Are you keeping him properly disciplined?”

“Now now Soichiro-kun, it’s unbecoming for you to act so jealous,” Gintoki replied, in the same over-the-top, exaggeratedly unconcerned tone.

“I’m going for a smoke,” and Hijikata stomped off, disgusted, leaving them to their ridiculous conversation. 

He actually did go to the smoking area, not so much because he wanted to smoke, but to get away from the crowd and especially that annoying little punk. Hijikata hadn’t wanted to make a scene, but the kid just wouldn’t shut up or leave him alone. It had been too much to hope the party would be all smooth sailing. Enjoying the quiet after the crowded party atmosphere, Hijikata relaxed for a few minutes as he smoked, then went back to play another set.

Kondo was ripping it up on the clarinet, and the other musicians were bobbing around on stage as they played another lively tune. Hijikata pulled his ponytail out of the way and resumed the bass rhythm of the song, having fun with the simple part he had. Lately he’d been standing in for the bass player in some of the jazz pieces, and he discovered that he enjoyed the feel of them, the tension of keeping up with other musicians’ improvisations, while providing the steady anchoring structure, bowing or plucking the strings in sync with the drums. At ease out of the crowd, Hijikata was happy to absorb himself in the music, blending together with the well established ensemble on stage, smiling at their tight performance. Looking out over the people having a good time in the room, he felt his spirits rise.

Later, everyone was gathered in a big crowd in the middle of the room, watching the TV screen. The countdown to midnight was on.

“Will you see the first sunrise with me?” Gintoki’s whisper tickled around Hijikata’s ear, making him shiver.

Hijikata quietly smiled and wrapped his fingers around Gintoki’s hand, as the clock struck midnight, a mass of balloons floated on the screen, and excited cheers and clinking of glasses erupted around the room.

As one year ended, another was just beginning.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here were are, the end. Thank you to all those who stayed with me this far and read this work. It's been a fun and strange ride, and the longest fic I've ever written. And since I love this AU so much, I have other ideas and will be going off back to my cave, to plot and plan the next story in this setting. Or I might take a break and put out some other shorter fics.


End file.
